Don't blame me, I'm just passing them on.

[satsmo]

Just to spice things up I said to my wife, "We'll do a bit of role playing tonight."
She was well up for it.
So I said, " You dress up like Whitney Houston, and I'll run you a bath..."


Just had a parcel from Holland, when I opened it, it was a rubber fanny, that's nice I thought, two lips from Amsterdam.


My dad worked on the roadworks for twenty years before he got fired for stealing!
At first I didn't believe it... but when I got home all the signs were there.


Kids know far too much these days. Today in the doctors waiting room, a little girl had her Barbie and Ken dolls imitating the doggy position.
I told her, " If you keep doing that, you'll end up with lots of little baby dolls." She replied, "I don't think so D_ickhead, he's doing it up her arse!"


Two men are at the opposite side of the world but are thinking the exact same thing..
One is walking a tightrope between two skyscrapers, the other is having a blowjob from a crinkley 85 year old woman...What are they both thinking?

Whatever you do don't look down, just don't look down...


I'm fed up with the excuses women come out with to avoid having sex, like; "I'm tired, I'm washing my hair, I've got a headache,...... but I'm your sister...


My girlfriend says that a small dick won't affect our relationship. Whether she's right or not, I'd prefer it if she didn't have one at all!


A woman is walking down the street and see's a sign in the pet shop window reading, "FANNY LICKING FROG £25".

Curious the woman proceeds inside and says to the shop keeper, "I'd like to see the fanny licking frog please." To which the shop keeper replies........ "Oui Madam!"


I was on a train this morning, in the loo. having a dump, when a voice called out "Can I see your ticket please?"
"Not right now." I replied, "I'm having a crap."
"I don't believe you." Said the voice. "Slide it under the door."
"No probs," I said. "The yellow bits are sweetcorn!"

Everyone's a comedian nowadays.
Even the paramedic who was unable to resuscitate Whitney couldn't avoid a gag!

When he radioed dispatch and said, "It's Houston, we have a problem!"