England to ask nicely for independence from Scotland

[Kalipo]

In a direct challenge to Scottish leader Alex Salmond, rebel MPs in Westminster are to debate England?s independence from Scotland later today.

The oppression of the English through harsh accents, highly confrontational ?man skirts? and a string of Mel Gibson films has caused many people south of the border to give up hope of ever being recognised as a separate, stroppy tribe.

But all that could be about to change ? if the Scottish allow it.

Some English have continued to lead secret lives in pockets of the UK, drinking tea and complaining about the weather behind closed doors.

But danger is ever-present, and Malcolm Bradcroft is worried that if anyone finds out he owns an England flag, he could lose his job as a race relations officer.

?My dad was probably English, and one of my relatives before him, I should think?, claimed Bradcroft, ?It?s difficult to know for sure, as the official records show them all as ?British?.?
English Independence

Bradcroft and others like him are reclaiming their Englishness, by using subtle clues to hint at their heritage.

?I always wear a pith helmet when I?m shopping in Tesco, as well as a tweed monocle and matching cricket pads?, declared the keen crossword enthusiast and dwile flonker.

?We?re taking it one step at a time but I hope that one day, the ?openly English? can be accepted enough to visit Glasgow without being made to apologise for all that unpleasantness 700 years ago. Or feeling obliged to buy shortbread.?

English MPs will put forward their case for a separate English assembly, with constitutional powers to ?muddle through?, and ?not cause too much fuss?.

However Bradcroft fears they could easily be defeated by a single quote from Braveheart, or a poem about offal.

?It?s going to be a tough debate, that?s for sure?, admitted Bradcroft, ?most English MPs are too embarrassed to ask for an interpreter. I?d hoped we?d get a boost by holding the debate on Saint George?s Day, but no-one could quite remember when that is.?

[GastonJ]

I'd vote for Scotland to be independent and I'm not even Scottish, but if the Scots can get a say in whether they stay with England by voting then the English should get a say in whether we want to keep Scotland. Why should it be only the Scots who get a vote.... freedom for England

[GastonJ]

Would be much better to sign this and get rid...

England, Wales and Northern Ireland to gain independence from Scotland - e-petitions

[smirnoff_rules]

will never happen ,, they cant survive without r billions being pumped in

[GastonJ]

Ahh well they seem to think that will continue. I doubt anyone has thought they have to pay for thier own

Currency
NHS
Police
Army/Navy/Airforce
Inland Revenue
Social security
Pensions

to name but a few. Oh that and the'd have to pay thier percentage of the national debt. I'd sooner if they had a vote that the rest of us had a vote as well.

Thei own NHS

[Rodbouy]

We will just charge you extra for the oil, then charge you for the water that use all need.

When you think of the size of the empire that once ruled the world, now all you will be left with is this tiny wee bit of land.

Not so Great no more.

Who in their right mind is going to take England serious??????????

They both need each other, dont start thinking use will be as strong without Scotland as you wont.

[Snowy79]

I remember the politicians saying Norway could never survive on it's own and look at it now. It's very similar to Scotland in population, oil and other national resources.

You'd have to be pretty stupid or blind to not see that England would be further in the brown stuff without Scottish money. The Politicians are always saying how much we get per head of the population in comparison to England. If we are costing them money when they are soooo happy to cut public services why don't they just give us our freedom and you'll have one less burden to pay for. Unless it's the usual political spin and we are helping to fund Londons coffers. It's a bit like having the clap and asking to keep it.

We have a population of just over ?5,000,000. Take the money from our resources and remebering that do have some people working and paying taxes I think you'll find we're pretty well off.

[gc1966]

i think we should grant them independence,

let them set up and organise their parliament and just when they start taking the piss out of the english bragging how much money they have and how they have too much oil to know what to do with we should join forces with our american friends and invade the ~~~~ers,split all the proceeds down the middle,we get the money and the oil and the yanks can have the knats and the deep fried mars bars,hell,we will even let the yanks run the place

[Snowy79]

More chance of the Americans siding with us.

[Kalipo]

I remember the politicians saying Norway could never survive on it's own and look at it now. It's very similar to Scotland in population, oil and other national resources.

You'd have to be pretty stupid or blind to not see that England would be further in the brown stuff without Scottish money. The Politicians are always saying how much we get per head of the population in comparison to England. If we are costing them money when they are soooo happy to cut public services why don't they just give us our freedom and you'll have one less burden to pay for. Unless it's the usual political spin and we are helping to fund Londons coffers. It's a bit like having the clap and asking to keep it.

We have a population of just over ?5,000,000. Take the money from our resources and remebering that do have some people working and paying taxes I think you'll find we're pretty well off.

Its also false to assume all the oil belongs to scotland alone.. as it doesnt..

If scotland was to leave the union the oil would be split between England, Norway and Scotland <-- alpha order.

Unlike now.. its split Between the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and Norway

[gc1966]

More chance of the Americans siding with us.

scotland,the 51st state

sounds quite appealing actually

[johnboy1974]

For my tuppence i think its a bad idea, the union is good for scotland. Folk talk about the oil money but the oil is controled by multi national foreign companies and its running out soon. What will we survive on- Exports of whisky and haggis?

[Rodbouy]

For my tuppence i think its a bad idea, the union is good for scotland. Folk talk about the oil money but the oil is controled by multi national foreign companies and its running out soon. What will we survive on- Exports of whisky and haggis?

Dont be silly, deep fried mars bars !!!!!!!!!!

[GastonJ]

Ah well until Alex the Salmon discovers that the grass isn't really green over there and that the sun doesn't shone out of his rear end he'll keep on with it. I think everyone knows it's better to keep the union, just that is the Scots want a vote on whether they leave why shouldn't the rest of teh UK have a vote on whether we'd rather Scotland left.

As for the so called Devo Max, it's a get out for Alex, pick and choose the bet bits of the union and play safe. It should be a Yes or No vote to leave totally.

[ChelseaBun]

its more hassle than its worth, Scotlands 'independence' would be a very foolish move, we don't want the euro, were quite happy with our legal tender, highland cows, red kola, whiskey, tablet, deep fried mars bars , free prescriptions, nhs, no bailiffs, kilt wearing, bag pipe playing men