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  1. #1
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    Default Wife Jokes

    After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, soldier on!"

    I woke up this morning at 8, and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!
    I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered: McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.

    The wife's back on the warpath again. She wanted to make a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

    The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake.

    My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
    "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!

  2. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to leotheloin For This Useful Post:

    ecufix (19th December, 2017), gc1966 (25th March, 2018), Hadron (1st November, 2017), jctech (5th November, 2017), rideon (7th November, 2017), rob h (28th May, 2018), Stelaras26 (1st December, 2017)

  3. #2
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    Default

    Haha i would get into so much trouble if my wife found out that i found this funny! Hahaha

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    Merle (28th November, 2017)

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    Default

    What do you say to your wife when she has 2 black eyes??????

    Nothing. You've told her twice already.

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    Default

    Please tell me when to laugh

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    Default

    Ha . This is funny.

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    Default

    "Hey, man! You didn't tell me why didn't you get through with the wedding!"
    "To tell you the truth... I'm thinking about your wife, all the time!"
    "WHAT? You ~~~~~!"
    "Chill out man... Don't get it wrong... I'm just afraid that I might end up having the same bad luck as you had...!"

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    Default

    Svend calls his boss and says "I won't be in to work because I'm not feeling well."

    His boss says "When that happens to me I have sex with my wife and it makes me feel well enough to go to work. You should try that."

    Svend calls back an hour later and says "It worked wonders, I will be at work shortly. And by the way, you have a very nice house."
    Please DO NOT PM me asking for help.

    Post in the forum, that is what it is here for.

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    ecufix (13th May, 2020)

  11. #8
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    Default

    Man to her wife while at it: "Say dirty things to me!"
    Wife: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
    Do more epic shit!

  12. #9
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    Default

    Wife to husband: "Hey honey, did you miss me?"
    Husband."With every bullet so far."
    Life is my dancefloor.

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    Default

    I want to laugh some more

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    Default

    Zip ties and bias plies says a loot of things about wife

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    Default

    the Fk thing sounds just like the wife

 

 

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