Wife Jokes

[leotheloin]

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, soldier on!"

I woke up this morning at 8, and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!
I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered: McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.

The wife's back on the warpath again. She wanted to make a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake.

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!