caveman_nige
23rd March, 2010, 10:22 AM
This advert got pulled by ebay at 08:30 this morning and is therefore no longer visible.. Therefore i have cut and pasted what i could grab before it was closed. Some of you will have seen this already...
2005 RENAULT CLIO DYNAMIQUE 16V BLUE
Attention Teenage Drug Dealers/Low Life & Oxygen Thieves
If you think you've saved enough benefit from your 4 children before your 20, this could be the answer to your prayers.
A proper bastardised, chaved up Skippy mobile if ever there was. Enhance your street cred at the local drive thru burger joint or council estate shop front no end with this utterly tacky converted little Renault Clio. Not your Gran's idea of a lift to town, granted, but a fantastic opportunity to increase 3 fold your class A drug selling ability. This is the car you need boys. The punters will flock to the window for your home grown skunk and other illegal substances. you just ain't gonna look out of place in this little beauty! Now I've made sure the tax ran out last November, so there is a big pat on your scrawny little backs already.
Dig out yer favourite unwashed "Umbro" hoodie and come cast your shifty little eyes on this. Ideal for the "Street Pharmacist" and other suitably attired twats. Your gonna need a baseball cap with this beauty, ideally one that comes with no fitting instructions. Heaven forbid you should put it on the right way. What better way to compliment your stolen Nike Air Max trainers than to be seen dangling a foot outta this pocket rocket.
Worried about the Babylon spotting ya, no need. Car comes fully equipped with proper blacked out gangster glass on the side windows. Hell, you could even fill the back up with yer ugly chav kids and knowone'd see 'em. doesn't get much better boys. Ah, but it does. It does. To show your complete and utter lack of taste and knowledge of the motor car you'll also find the ridiculous rock hard lowered suspension to your taste as well. Why not get a step closer to Gran's inheritance by offering her a lift in ya new "wheels" then taking her down the post Office flat out over the speed humps round your estate and hopefully knocking the spine out of her? Might need 2 laps but god damn them single teenage mums smoking Marlboro Lights outside the chippy will be impressed fella's. You know that they like a ride like this. Turn up the Alpine Head Unit, stick in your favourite and incomprehensible "Drum & Bass" Cd and the throbbing out the 6x9 parcel shelf will have them pregnant in no time.
To complete the proper drug dealer look, a tasteless stripe has been fitted from the front to the rear. Finished in "Air Max" white it really doesn't complement the car in any shape or form. Rather like you and your Brethren spitting on the floor constantly. Completely needless but you think it makes a statement about you. You'll also enjoy the totally pointless but ridiculously noisy after market air filter. About as helpful as a fart in an astronaut suit, but hell, you didn't get where you are today by being helpful, did you?
I'm quite sad to see the thing go really. There is nothing more pleasurable to me at 41 than to drive round in this bit of shit and look a complete *****. I'd much rather hand the opportunity to you work shy crack head council tenants any day. This little set of wheels is gonna let the other hoodies know you've made it. cocaine and skunk selling is never gonna get any easier for the lucky buyer of this car. I might have a deal on a couple of gram's of smack or coke, but ideally I'd need to get a serious drug habit before hand. Perhaps someone could help? You can pay in cash or wraps, I'm easy really. Bring along your mums credit card or one that your mate has cloned down the petrol station. If it is going to be hard cash, please ensure it is discretely hidden in a used Tesco carrier bag, and you have folded one ?20 note around 4 others. Makes counting so much easier.
For any female buyer I'm offering a free Tatoo of something utterly meaninless to go in the middle of your lower back. If you haven't already got your "Tramp Stamp" that is.
If your an under-age drink driver, or under-age driver for that matter, this little beauty really isn't going to attract the attention of the local constabulary at all. you'll drift pass any patrol car effortlessly. Make sure there is at least 6 of you in the car though, Splif in hand. If your driving, have another swig from your 2 litre plastic "LIDL" brand cider as you nonchalantly flip the bird to the passing police patrol. Head off for the nearest estate for some tyre screeching fun. They ain't never gonna take you alive in this.
The car does like a good rev in the morning at any unsocial hour. Neighbours will love it and feel proud to live in the same road. don't forget to rev the pants off of it at all junctions and roundabouts as well. This really will increase the length of your manhood no end. your virginity is gonna be a thing of the past when the babes see you in this "fanny magnet". You can almost bet your last eighth of puff your gonna get laid. Hell, might even get a few STD's as well. your gonna get a proper bird with this motor.
For the disqualified driver I'll even offer to recover it from outside the local Magistrates or police station. What better way to impress the local Judicial system in one final act of defiance before collecting your ASBO?
Don't let the frivolous matter of actually holding a current, valid drivers licence and insurance put you off this bargain. A visit to your local crack house should procure some documentation from as little as fifty quid.
Nuff said, innit.
On 20-Mar-10 at 21:27:52 GMT, seller added the following information:PAGE VIEWS IS NOW 31,340 !!
I didn't do this for the publicity or feedback. It just seemed to fit the car. REALLY BIG thanks to ALL who have viewed and sent questions. Not long now before the e bay police remove it!!!
And a real BIG UP to everyone wid da same humour!! You have ALL made this funny.
'and large big up to regae. U r a star bro!!
84 questions & I'm still here!! RESPEK..
THAN X 2 ALL xxx
On 21-Mar-10 at 14:11:42 GMT, seller added the following information:64,750 page hits, OMG! Thanks for the 263 questions as well! Have now run out of room here to post replys, I'm told by E bay.
Had a call from e bay this morning and they said the advert can stay!! Wow!!
To answer the (few) serious questions, yes it is for sale, the mileage is 62k, it has an MOT and service history. There is nothing wrong with it at all. Well apart from how it looks! It just isn't my cup of tea.
Thanks to those that pointed out the grammar and spelling mistakes! Sorry about that.
On 22-Mar-10 at 07:43:42 GMT, seller added the following information:148,380 hits!! Wow! Whoever set up the facebook page, thanks!!
www.facebook.com/pages/best-e-bay-advert-eva/104022126297466?v=wall (http://www.facebook.com/pages/best-e-bay-advert-eva/104022126297466?v=wall)
On 22-Mar-10 at 11:05:52 GMT, seller added the following information:Magaluf Mike, u da man!!
Questions from other members : 2005 RENAULT CLIO DYNAMIQUE 16V BLUE
http://pics.ebaystatic.com/aw/pics/x.gif http://pics.ebaystatic.com/aw/pics/x.gif Question & Answer Answered On
Q: Aiight bredrin duz it cum wi da blingin turbo whistler fingy in da rudeboi xhaust? 20-Mar-10
A: na man, me got it confiskated by da 5-0 4 been diss
Q: Had to say best writen ad for a CAR IN A LONG TIME WELL DONE DUDE 20-Mar-10
A: Cheers
Q: RE. Tattoo Can ya do me boyfriend's (also farva of me ferd an forf pickny) name on me neck? (If not, I'd settle for the top of me arm, or across me beer-gut, in a celtic style) 20-Mar-10
A: ezzy!
Q: I say old chap, your charabanc looks absolutely spiffing. Does one know if one would possibly become attractive to those young fillies out there if one was to purchase it? I also think this would make an excellent weekend replacement for the roller, it would be much less conspicuous when I go out hunting skeezers whilst puffing on a woolah.
A:u is pizzin in da wind bro. me fink u like men..come out bro u safe.
Q: Love it. You should write comedy. Great knobber's car, wouldn't touch it with yours innit bro. 20-Mar-10
A: it is, innit!
Q: how fast is it mr ?
A: quik as u like bro. quik as u like. See da 5-0 on da tellie
Q: the bollocks of a ad i want 10 for the local druggies round here
A: me only got da 1 bro, gutted
Q: Quality right up lol ..joking aside does the car have any mot & tax?
A: Yep.
Q: Duz it av a massiv exhaust - like that me ome boyz could climb up - so big? If not can you nick me one from Alfordz innit and stick it on in the deal? Sweet wheelz fella - massive respec' from d Midlands innit. 20-Mar-10 A: d Midlands boyz ! you is safe. but it grim up norf init?
Q: wikked how spacious is the boot? would, for example, the low life shitbag who has started to undercut me on my turf fit in the boot? is it soundproof?
A: u is gettin boddy in boot bro but gonna need to dismember it 'cause me base box inda way..Me mate Alsta do it but he say it messy nd he wanna drink..
Q: Chavtastic me likes it!
A: GixaJax u is 'avin it large. me raise a tin ov rizla 2 ya
Q: brudda.........doz it av 'arry munk ' on de love rak ?..ite........cuz me no wan no marma mans carz...mez pure hetro........
A: no man. mez jaffa. bit ov spud wata dat me juile split doh
Q: i like the wheels though!
A: u bid u by! init.
Q: will you take a kilo of smack as payment??
A: mudda me wheels wurt more dan dat, u been cuttin it yeah?
Q: You my friend are a ledgend nice sale pitch
A: nuffer big shout from da hood to me man LiL
Q: LMFAO............RESPECT TO DA BEANMASTER
A: BIG shout to da volvo660_1 u is legend. but u wheels is shite bro...
Q: Im married and got another littleun on the way. As such i aint getting a good seeing to from the missus. If i bought this car would i be able to pull a chav bint that can suck golf balls through straws for the price of a couple of aftershocks?
A: Not as well as ur bitch. She good man. But lok afta me kid yo.
Q: Where's the bean can exhaust tailpipe or the standard fit ironing board on the roof?
A: Me lose it on mini roundbout but u find it off A4 slough man.
Q: ahahahah nice one!
A: RESPEK to da batty boys...
Q: would it be ok to pay with fake bank notes????
A: if day good bro, i ain't no squeal. Be safe.
I could not grab any more pages of questions as the sale ad was removed...
2005 RENAULT CLIO DYNAMIQUE 16V BLUE
Attention Teenage Drug Dealers/Low Life & Oxygen Thieves
If you think you've saved enough benefit from your 4 children before your 20, this could be the answer to your prayers.
A proper bastardised, chaved up Skippy mobile if ever there was. Enhance your street cred at the local drive thru burger joint or council estate shop front no end with this utterly tacky converted little Renault Clio. Not your Gran's idea of a lift to town, granted, but a fantastic opportunity to increase 3 fold your class A drug selling ability. This is the car you need boys. The punters will flock to the window for your home grown skunk and other illegal substances. you just ain't gonna look out of place in this little beauty! Now I've made sure the tax ran out last November, so there is a big pat on your scrawny little backs already.
Dig out yer favourite unwashed "Umbro" hoodie and come cast your shifty little eyes on this. Ideal for the "Street Pharmacist" and other suitably attired twats. Your gonna need a baseball cap with this beauty, ideally one that comes with no fitting instructions. Heaven forbid you should put it on the right way. What better way to compliment your stolen Nike Air Max trainers than to be seen dangling a foot outta this pocket rocket.
Worried about the Babylon spotting ya, no need. Car comes fully equipped with proper blacked out gangster glass on the side windows. Hell, you could even fill the back up with yer ugly chav kids and knowone'd see 'em. doesn't get much better boys. Ah, but it does. It does. To show your complete and utter lack of taste and knowledge of the motor car you'll also find the ridiculous rock hard lowered suspension to your taste as well. Why not get a step closer to Gran's inheritance by offering her a lift in ya new "wheels" then taking her down the post Office flat out over the speed humps round your estate and hopefully knocking the spine out of her? Might need 2 laps but god damn them single teenage mums smoking Marlboro Lights outside the chippy will be impressed fella's. You know that they like a ride like this. Turn up the Alpine Head Unit, stick in your favourite and incomprehensible "Drum & Bass" Cd and the throbbing out the 6x9 parcel shelf will have them pregnant in no time.
To complete the proper drug dealer look, a tasteless stripe has been fitted from the front to the rear. Finished in "Air Max" white it really doesn't complement the car in any shape or form. Rather like you and your Brethren spitting on the floor constantly. Completely needless but you think it makes a statement about you. You'll also enjoy the totally pointless but ridiculously noisy after market air filter. About as helpful as a fart in an astronaut suit, but hell, you didn't get where you are today by being helpful, did you?
I'm quite sad to see the thing go really. There is nothing more pleasurable to me at 41 than to drive round in this bit of shit and look a complete *****. I'd much rather hand the opportunity to you work shy crack head council tenants any day. This little set of wheels is gonna let the other hoodies know you've made it. cocaine and skunk selling is never gonna get any easier for the lucky buyer of this car. I might have a deal on a couple of gram's of smack or coke, but ideally I'd need to get a serious drug habit before hand. Perhaps someone could help? You can pay in cash or wraps, I'm easy really. Bring along your mums credit card or one that your mate has cloned down the petrol station. If it is going to be hard cash, please ensure it is discretely hidden in a used Tesco carrier bag, and you have folded one ?20 note around 4 others. Makes counting so much easier.
For any female buyer I'm offering a free Tatoo of something utterly meaninless to go in the middle of your lower back. If you haven't already got your "Tramp Stamp" that is.
If your an under-age drink driver, or under-age driver for that matter, this little beauty really isn't going to attract the attention of the local constabulary at all. you'll drift pass any patrol car effortlessly. Make sure there is at least 6 of you in the car though, Splif in hand. If your driving, have another swig from your 2 litre plastic "LIDL" brand cider as you nonchalantly flip the bird to the passing police patrol. Head off for the nearest estate for some tyre screeching fun. They ain't never gonna take you alive in this.
The car does like a good rev in the morning at any unsocial hour. Neighbours will love it and feel proud to live in the same road. don't forget to rev the pants off of it at all junctions and roundabouts as well. This really will increase the length of your manhood no end. your virginity is gonna be a thing of the past when the babes see you in this "fanny magnet". You can almost bet your last eighth of puff your gonna get laid. Hell, might even get a few STD's as well. your gonna get a proper bird with this motor.
For the disqualified driver I'll even offer to recover it from outside the local Magistrates or police station. What better way to impress the local Judicial system in one final act of defiance before collecting your ASBO?
Don't let the frivolous matter of actually holding a current, valid drivers licence and insurance put you off this bargain. A visit to your local crack house should procure some documentation from as little as fifty quid.
Nuff said, innit.
On 20-Mar-10 at 21:27:52 GMT, seller added the following information:PAGE VIEWS IS NOW 31,340 !!
I didn't do this for the publicity or feedback. It just seemed to fit the car. REALLY BIG thanks to ALL who have viewed and sent questions. Not long now before the e bay police remove it!!!
And a real BIG UP to everyone wid da same humour!! You have ALL made this funny.
'and large big up to regae. U r a star bro!!
84 questions & I'm still here!! RESPEK..
THAN X 2 ALL xxx
On 21-Mar-10 at 14:11:42 GMT, seller added the following information:64,750 page hits, OMG! Thanks for the 263 questions as well! Have now run out of room here to post replys, I'm told by E bay.
Had a call from e bay this morning and they said the advert can stay!! Wow!!
To answer the (few) serious questions, yes it is for sale, the mileage is 62k, it has an MOT and service history. There is nothing wrong with it at all. Well apart from how it looks! It just isn't my cup of tea.
Thanks to those that pointed out the grammar and spelling mistakes! Sorry about that.
On 22-Mar-10 at 07:43:42 GMT, seller added the following information:148,380 hits!! Wow! Whoever set up the facebook page, thanks!!
www.facebook.com/pages/best-e-bay-advert-eva/104022126297466?v=wall (http://www.facebook.com/pages/best-e-bay-advert-eva/104022126297466?v=wall)
On 22-Mar-10 at 11:05:52 GMT, seller added the following information:Magaluf Mike, u da man!!
Questions from other members : 2005 RENAULT CLIO DYNAMIQUE 16V BLUE
http://pics.ebaystatic.com/aw/pics/x.gif http://pics.ebaystatic.com/aw/pics/x.gif Question & Answer Answered On
Q: Aiight bredrin duz it cum wi da blingin turbo whistler fingy in da rudeboi xhaust? 20-Mar-10
A: na man, me got it confiskated by da 5-0 4 been diss
Q: Had to say best writen ad for a CAR IN A LONG TIME WELL DONE DUDE 20-Mar-10
A: Cheers
Q: RE. Tattoo Can ya do me boyfriend's (also farva of me ferd an forf pickny) name on me neck? (If not, I'd settle for the top of me arm, or across me beer-gut, in a celtic style) 20-Mar-10
A: ezzy!
Q: I say old chap, your charabanc looks absolutely spiffing. Does one know if one would possibly become attractive to those young fillies out there if one was to purchase it? I also think this would make an excellent weekend replacement for the roller, it would be much less conspicuous when I go out hunting skeezers whilst puffing on a woolah.
A:u is pizzin in da wind bro. me fink u like men..come out bro u safe.
Q: Love it. You should write comedy. Great knobber's car, wouldn't touch it with yours innit bro. 20-Mar-10
A: it is, innit!
Q: how fast is it mr ?
A: quik as u like bro. quik as u like. See da 5-0 on da tellie
Q: the bollocks of a ad i want 10 for the local druggies round here
A: me only got da 1 bro, gutted
Q: Quality right up lol ..joking aside does the car have any mot & tax?
A: Yep.
Q: Duz it av a massiv exhaust - like that me ome boyz could climb up - so big? If not can you nick me one from Alfordz innit and stick it on in the deal? Sweet wheelz fella - massive respec' from d Midlands innit. 20-Mar-10 A: d Midlands boyz ! you is safe. but it grim up norf init?
Q: wikked how spacious is the boot? would, for example, the low life shitbag who has started to undercut me on my turf fit in the boot? is it soundproof?
A: u is gettin boddy in boot bro but gonna need to dismember it 'cause me base box inda way..Me mate Alsta do it but he say it messy nd he wanna drink..
Q: Chavtastic me likes it!
A: GixaJax u is 'avin it large. me raise a tin ov rizla 2 ya
Q: brudda.........doz it av 'arry munk ' on de love rak ?..ite........cuz me no wan no marma mans carz...mez pure hetro........
A: no man. mez jaffa. bit ov spud wata dat me juile split doh
Q: i like the wheels though!
A: u bid u by! init.
Q: will you take a kilo of smack as payment??
A: mudda me wheels wurt more dan dat, u been cuttin it yeah?
Q: You my friend are a ledgend nice sale pitch
A: nuffer big shout from da hood to me man LiL
Q: LMFAO............RESPECT TO DA BEANMASTER
A: BIG shout to da volvo660_1 u is legend. but u wheels is shite bro...
Q: Im married and got another littleun on the way. As such i aint getting a good seeing to from the missus. If i bought this car would i be able to pull a chav bint that can suck golf balls through straws for the price of a couple of aftershocks?
A: Not as well as ur bitch. She good man. But lok afta me kid yo.
Q: Where's the bean can exhaust tailpipe or the standard fit ironing board on the roof?
A: Me lose it on mini roundbout but u find it off A4 slough man.
Q: ahahahah nice one!
A: RESPEK to da batty boys...
Q: would it be ok to pay with fake bank notes????
A: if day good bro, i ain't no squeal. Be safe.
I could not grab any more pages of questions as the sale ad was removed...