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hoggy952
19th January, 2012, 10:42 PM
Heard a couple recently, that appealed to my sense of humour. They were quite witty, and put the victim in their place.Doubt they're new, but I've not heard them before. Wondered if anyone else had any more.

My two -
Worked for a big company some years ago. One of the managers, Mike, thought he was far cleverer than he actually was, and liked to take the mickey out of others. One day, he said the wrong thing to someone in the office. The office worker's next words were -

''Mike, have you been circumcised?''

''No''

''Just as I thought. You're a complete pr**k!''

Could have heard a pin drop. Before the roars of laughter started that is. lol

Worked on a large job recently, and there was an old sweat on same job. Anyway, his apprentice had done something stupid. When told they would have to work late to make up for his error, the lad complained that he would miss football practice. The old hand's reply was - ''If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between $hit and syphilis''. lol

anyone else got any good ones?

maca
19th January, 2012, 10:44 PM
Best part of you went down the crack of your ma's arse...

Shady
19th January, 2012, 10:44 PM
the funniest one ive ever heard (and i suppose u had to be there at the time), was in the canteen at work, and this lad mongole joe used to get picked on all the time, his main tormenter was at it again, and jo, being able to take no more stood up and screamed at him "JUST ~~~~ING COLLAPSE YOU ****!"

:roflmao:

i was in ~~~~ing tears lol

maca
19th January, 2012, 10:50 PM
Arguing with the wife one night over something stupid cant remeber what but any way she shouted at me "yea and pigs might fly" to which i said "well you've been to spain" i laughed anyway she never lol

patkins
19th January, 2012, 11:30 PM
Heard a manager in work some years ago say to an employee...."I'm a bit of a bullshitter myself but it's nice to hear a professional".

tshirtman
20th January, 2012, 02:06 AM
Many years ago, when I was driving taxis, I had a couple in the back chatting, the bloke asks the woman,

"have you been on a sunbed love"
she says
"no,why"
he says
" coz your ~~~~ing teeth are brown"

she was still punching him when I dropped them off. :laugh:

stuckylad
20th January, 2012, 04:28 PM
mate of mine once said to a barmaid there's nothing wrong with being ugly, but you abuse the privelage.lol

Canker_Canison
23rd January, 2012, 06:51 PM
Just a couple of general put downs I can remember....

.... You're as weak as vegetarian piss!

You must be strong... you managed to climb out of the abortion bucket!

Even retards possess common sense.....

Snowy79
23rd January, 2012, 06:57 PM
You've got a fan@@ like a wizards sleave.