caveman_nige
22nd February, 2009, 08:01 AM
i was on a plane, and we experienced turbulence, i ask the man next to me, who was a rather large, burly looking fellow, what he would do if we started going down, he says "i'm ~~~~ing anything that moves, what are you gonna do?" i say "me, i'm staying very still"
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A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies, "Thats a good piece of fir." "Correct, says the manager, now try this one." "Thats a bad piece of willow," says the blind man. "Correct," answers the manager.
With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face. "I'm confused, says the blind man, Can you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face. The blind man says, "Oh, youre trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. Its the shit house door off a tuna boat!"
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I bought a racehorse today and decided to call it ’my face’. I dont care if he doesnt win any races or if i dont win any money. i just want to here all those posh tarts at Ascot screaming ’ come on my face’
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A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis. His doctor tells him 2 ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of milk. Later his wife comes home and finds him with his dick in a saucer of milk. Good heavens, she remarks, I always wondered how u re-loaded those things!
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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
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What is your definition of gross?
Mines having a dream your eating cottage cheese, and waking up to your grandmother sitting on your face.
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Here is a joke best told in a crowd of people:
Hey man, I seen someone on TV the other day that looked just like you, I swear, and he had a 12 inch dick... goin in and out of his butt.
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A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
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A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies, "Thats a good piece of fir." "Correct, says the manager, now try this one." "Thats a bad piece of willow," says the blind man. "Correct," answers the manager.
With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face. "I'm confused, says the blind man, Can you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face. The blind man says, "Oh, youre trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. Its the shit house door off a tuna boat!"
-----------------------
I bought a racehorse today and decided to call it ’my face’. I dont care if he doesnt win any races or if i dont win any money. i just want to here all those posh tarts at Ascot screaming ’ come on my face’
--------------------------
A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis. His doctor tells him 2 ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of milk. Later his wife comes home and finds him with his dick in a saucer of milk. Good heavens, she remarks, I always wondered how u re-loaded those things!
--------------------------
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
-------------------------
What is your definition of gross?
Mines having a dream your eating cottage cheese, and waking up to your grandmother sitting on your face.
--------------------------
Here is a joke best told in a crowd of people:
Hey man, I seen someone on TV the other day that looked just like you, I swear, and he had a 12 inch dick... goin in and out of his butt.
--------------------------
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."