Lies

[Shady]

Whats the best lie you've ever told/been told.


My sisters stupid waster boyfriend told me and redspider a good one:

We were talking about the advanced driving test, and he reckoned that he had done a course with the police for his advanced driving.
This course consisted of him meeting the police on a slip road to the M69 where the poloce were waiting with a scooby and an evo.

One copper sat in the evo and he and another copper sat in the scooby. The evo roared off quickly accelerating to the max. The copper in the scooby with him said "off you go then" My sisters stupid waster boyfriend said "what do you mean"? The copper then replied "catch him"..


So according to him, this advanced driving test consisted of chasing a copper down the m69 one morning.

Me and redspider were in tears laughing at his bullshit, but he was adamant that it was true and that he had the certificate to prove it.. we said "show it us"... we're still waiting.

[Kalipo]

Telling women im single.. hmm

Maybe shouldnt post that.....

[RedSpider]

Another of that c**ts lies...... he was driving his works van and ran over some bloke. The bloke went flying, cartoon style, leaving his shoes planted to the spot.
Apparently, the bloke then got up and told him that he was going to sue him.
Luckily a passing copper saw the whole thing and told the bloke that if he tried to sue him, he would arrest him for perverting the course of justice.

[Meat-Head]

Damm it on my phone so cant link

I have recently been lieing to members, so far admin havent pulled me up on it

[lagerland]

It wasnt told to me but someone used it and got away with it at work,still dont know how till this day........

They was at some horse event somewhere and the car broke down,the excuse/lie was the carburetor had gone .Anyway the supervisor swallowed it.Only problem i could see was the car ran on diesel........:laugh:

O well you live and learn..............

[badapple]

When the wearing of "car seat belts" law first came out...
someone said, they had read that soon another new law was going to be interduced soon... the wearing of seatbelts on... "motorbikes":laugh:

[Elric]

Damm it on my phone so cant link

I have recently been lieing to members, so far admin havent pulled me up on it

you right there meaty,cos you joined an inferriour forum somewhere ;)

[Meat-Head]

Our cat chases the elephants and giraffs out the village

Do you see any, no because the cat had chased them away

[Meat-Head]

you right there meaty,cos you joined an inferriour forum somewhere ;)

No not lieing i have admiited to posting on an inferior forum

But i did only join to leech a file, did not join because i wanted to, had to!

Sodddding iphone 5 mins later still not sent

[dixie74]

talking to a friend and his mate at fishing,his mate said he caught a shark on the river severn.:canabis: had to go sit somewhere else couldnt look at him without laughing.

[DOUGALMCD]

I'm pregnant baby and it's yours.

[Meat-Head]

wasn't a lie as such some plank came in with his car blah blah problem, how far away, oh i live in the city, blah blah, yes i come down the MOTORWAY dumb dick ,meant bypass - the town is so crap it has to be bypassed

[gc1966]

afternoon session in the pub and somehow got into conversation about the magician david nixon back in the day,one of the regular afternoon crew told us he could do a fantastic magic card trick where you picked a card at random in your head and he would return the following afternoon with said card encased in a hard boiled egg.

so someone took him up on this bet and arranged to be in the following afternoon,the pub was quite packed the following day waiting for our magician friend but he never shown up and has drank somewhere else ever since,but whenever any of us see him we still shout "how you doing,joey the egg"puerile i know but we find it funny

[johnboy1974]

Can't think of one for myself, but my mum got involved in a pyramid scam called woman empowering woman. ?400 would get her ?4000 in a few weeks. Worse of all she was recommended it by a friend. Now ex friend.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

[daithi]

told stig he was a nice guy :roflmao:

[thered]

I used to tell me m8's at xmas me best presents were in the loft to hide them from robbers

scalextric and all sorts was in loft

i used to say it cos m8s all got miles more than me

I used to love toy day at school i could play with other peoples toys

remember getting a second hand grifter one year they were about 10 years out of date, everyone was getting mountain bikes what a showing up lol

i even bought one about a year later 2 years later out of paperound money and cash off nanna i said i got it for me birthday

my nanna used to hide me toys round her house and buy me things on the sly cos me mam and dad said that its not fair on me sisters

me nanna said she used to do it cos they always got more than me


was she right??


well me sister got a new mountain bike

no 5hitty second hand grifter

[thered]

A lie i come accross regular is i know people who make make girls squirt like ~~~~ films all over the place

When i point out that its likely piss if you really did manage it, as unlike us they do not have balls to store ejaculation fluid they only have a bladder they normally shut up and never mention it again

[Canker_Canison]

A lie i come accross regular is i know people who make make girls squirt like ~~~~ films all over the place

When i point out that its likely piss if you really did manage it, as unlike us they do not have balls to store ejaculation fluid they only have a bladder they normally shut up and never mention it again

You need to speak to my missus...Or a few of my ex's.

Gushing doesn't even begin to cover it lol



On lies....

An ex once told me 'she was late'. This was only a month into that short lived relationship.
'How do you know you're late?'
'I've not come on yet'
'I'd hope not, it's only been two weeks since you came off'
'How do you know that!'
'I can ****in' count!'

I once convinced my little brother that Jalapenos were really cucumber. Oh how I laughed when he took a handful.

There's a person called Gary, we call him Gary because it's his name.
He really has a mental problem. He believes his own BS. At his wedding he was bragging about how his 'Player days' were now over. The problem being that he was never a player, he was always played. Not only that but we can only list 5 or possibly 6 women he slept with...one even gave a damning written report into his sexual prowess.... fumbling virgin was mentioned more than once. But to hear him say it, he was only one step behind Hugh Hefner & Peter Stringfellow took his cast offs.
You can always revive a dull night out by mentioning his name.

I once told an ex that the scratches on my back were caused by a friends dog, which attacked me while we were playing 'fight club'. Not the brightest of people.

[Lainie]

someone who worked a couple of sections down from me in a prev job said she had cancer. she got away at 10am every friday to have "chemo" etc. everyone was to pander to her ie take her work load over to her etc.

she even went for a sunbed with the girls from her section - no one questioned it

she said she got special pills from the doc to stop her hair falling out - no one questioned it

people decorated her flat

went her shopping

even collected for her to go to lourdes

the list is endless.

this went on for 8 years

i knew she was lying as my ex had to attend the western infirmary weekly and got the patient transport service. he got friendly with a few of the paramedics through this. they said no one gets chemo at the weekend (might have changed now)

i told a few close workmates and said id profusely apologise if i was wrong but as i had watched my dad die of cancer i know this person was lying.


eventually an heo looked into this and she was sacked however some still felt sorry for her!!!

astonishing

[thered]

You need to speak to my missus...Or a few of my ex's.

Gushing doesn't even begin to cover it lol



.

You need to stay away from old peoples homes m8

Thats incontinence lol

[Kalipo]

Latest lie,,

What time you finish work.. ohhhh about 5ish... hard day love..

Urg teas not made and ive got to go back to work she said..

Shhhh i darnt tell her ive been home since 12:30 and had a snooze on the couch and had loads of coffee..

Shes still out working now lol

[Meat-Head]

Latest lie,,

What time you finish work.. ohhhh about 5ish... hard day love..

Urg teas not made and ive got to go back to work she said..

Shhhh i darnt tell her ive been home since 12:30 and had a snooze on the couch and had loads of coffee..

Shes still out working now lol

Like the way you publicy post so she can see it
And anyother posts during the afternoon :roflmao:

[GastonJ]

"We're all in it together" :D - My names's Dave really :)

[ajax2061]

Best one I heard was a mate of mine excuse for being late to work, when asked why he replied 'I was aducted by aliens' his boss luaghed to which he then said 'prove I wasn't'

He got away with it as well !

[jaws2]

was going out with this girl, she phoned me up said she didn't feel well, said to myself well might as well go out with the lads, was crossing road near pub, ****ing car nearly knocked me over, turned round to look at the driver and my girlfriend was sat in passenger seat. i have never faulted on if you want to go with him, then go with him, show them you are not bothered even if it hurts a little sometimes, worst thing you can do would be lose yer temper. cos they ain't worth it and never will be thats a fact.