thommo
20th June, 2008, 12:03 PM
A man hates his wife's cat so much he drives to the next town and dumps it.
When he gets home it's there.
Next day he drives 50 miles and dumps it.
When he gets home it's there.
So the next day he drives to the other side of the country and dumps it.
One hour later he rings his wife and asks "Is the cat home?"
"Yes, why?" asks his wife.
"Put the c##t on," he says "I'm f##king lost."
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I was at my nan's house and she doesn't like swearing. I said, "crap" and she told me to put 20p in the swear jar. "I only have a pound," I told her, but she had no change. I threw in the pound anyway and said, "f##k you, f##king bitch, take it all you thieving tw#t."
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A blonde decides to try horse riding. On her first practice she mounts her steed unassisted and it immediately springs into action.
It gallops along at a steady pace, but the blonde begins to slip off the saddle. In terror she grabs at the horses mane but she can't seem to get a firm grip. She throws her arms around the horse's neck but is struggling to stop herself sliding down its flank.
The horse gallops on, seeming oblivious to the fate of its rider. The blonde panics and attempts to leap from her steed, desperate to throw herself to safety.
Disaster strikes, her foot gets stuck in the stirrup, her head is now being struck on the ground over and over again. Things look bad for her but, seconds before she passes out, she's saved by the supermarket manager - who comes over and unplugs the ride.
When he gets home it's there.
Next day he drives 50 miles and dumps it.
When he gets home it's there.
So the next day he drives to the other side of the country and dumps it.
One hour later he rings his wife and asks "Is the cat home?"
"Yes, why?" asks his wife.
"Put the c##t on," he says "I'm f##king lost."
------------------------------------------
I was at my nan's house and she doesn't like swearing. I said, "crap" and she told me to put 20p in the swear jar. "I only have a pound," I told her, but she had no change. I threw in the pound anyway and said, "f##k you, f##king bitch, take it all you thieving tw#t."
-----------------------------------------------
A blonde decides to try horse riding. On her first practice she mounts her steed unassisted and it immediately springs into action.
It gallops along at a steady pace, but the blonde begins to slip off the saddle. In terror she grabs at the horses mane but she can't seem to get a firm grip. She throws her arms around the horse's neck but is struggling to stop herself sliding down its flank.
The horse gallops on, seeming oblivious to the fate of its rider. The blonde panics and attempts to leap from her steed, desperate to throw herself to safety.
Disaster strikes, her foot gets stuck in the stirrup, her head is now being struck on the ground over and over again. Things look bad for her but, seconds before she passes out, she's saved by the supermarket manager - who comes over and unplugs the ride.