--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the
Bloody thing up.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her
Contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to
Avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.
Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
Cop says "For gods sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging
About!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks
"Here boy" he replies.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his
Feet.
"What the hell you doing?" he asks.
"Hangin? meself" Paddy replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the Guard
"I tried dat" says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe".
__________________________________________________ ______
Paddy still has a video recorder, he finally finds a shop that sells ~~~~ videos, so he buys one.
When he gets home he puts the video in the VCR, however the screen is fuzzy and he can't see no picture
Pissed off by this he phones the shop to complain, the guy at the shop apologises and asks the title of the movie
.
Paddy replies, "Head Cleaner"
__________________________________________________ ___
Two Irishmen go to the top of a mountain. Paddy puts 2 budgies on his shoulders and jumps to his death, Murphy looks down, shakes his head and says, ~~~~ dis budgie jumping it's to dangerous for me.
____________________________________________
An Irish family have been found frozen to death outside the Dublin Odeon Cinema. They had been queuing for 3 weeks to see "Closed for the Winter
Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the
Bloody thing up.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her
Contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to
Avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.
Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
Cop says "For gods sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging
About!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks
"Here boy" he replies.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his
Feet.
"What the hell you doing?" he asks.
"Hangin? meself" Paddy replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the Guard
"I tried dat" says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe".
__________________________________________________ ______
Paddy still has a video recorder, he finally finds a shop that sells ~~~~ videos, so he buys one.
When he gets home he puts the video in the VCR, however the screen is fuzzy and he can't see no picture
Pissed off by this he phones the shop to complain, the guy at the shop apologises and asks the title of the movie
.
Paddy replies, "Head Cleaner"
__________________________________________________ ___
Two Irishmen go to the top of a mountain. Paddy puts 2 budgies on his shoulders and jumps to his death, Murphy looks down, shakes his head and says, ~~~~ dis budgie jumping it's to dangerous for me.
____________________________________________
An Irish family have been found frozen to death outside the Dublin Odeon Cinema. They had been queuing for 3 weeks to see "Closed for the Winter
Comment