I'm an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.
Leftists are among the first to speak of their rights
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Next time you wave, use all your fingers.
If puns were outlawed, only outlaws would have puns.
Even crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Welcome To Shit Creek ~ Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here.
My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable.
Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
principles.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes,
why do some people get married more than once.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.
Leftists are among the first to speak of their rights
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Next time you wave, use all your fingers.
If puns were outlawed, only outlaws would have puns.
Even crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Welcome To Shit Creek ~ Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here.
My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable.
Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
principles.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes,
why do some people get married more than once.
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