My wife told me I was no longer romantic so I booked a table for two on Valentine's Night. Problem was she not interested in snooker.
I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations. Just had one from the sperm bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful.
There's a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market: Its called Trycoxagain.
In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the answers Africa.
I've caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, "Good morning you ugly pr@ck." It's not yours is it?
George Clooney is to star in a new film about Gary Glitter, called "Oh, She's Eleven."
You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.
A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bstard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."
A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's got a moustache."
I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations. Just had one from the sperm bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful.
There's a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market: Its called Trycoxagain.
In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the answers Africa.
I've caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, "Good morning you ugly pr@ck." It's not yours is it?
George Clooney is to star in a new film about Gary Glitter, called "Oh, She's Eleven."
You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.
A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bstard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."
A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's got a moustache."
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