The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.
"A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"
The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death
with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You
bastard!" The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom,
"Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more
outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?" The
guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but
for fifteen years, I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked
to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."
A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The
doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try
startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself
a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two were having sex
and found themselves in the 69 position. The man felt the urge to ejaculate and
fired the starter pistol. The next day he went back to the doctor who asked how
it went. The man answered, "Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on
my face, bit three inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet
with his hands in the air.
Man hires Chinese detective Cheng Lee, to watch to see if his wife is being
unfaithful. Two days later, he gets a report:
Most Honorable sir. I watch house. You leave house. He came to house. He and
She leave house. I follow. He and she go hotel. I climb tree and look in window.
He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip. She strip. He play with she. She play with
he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee!
"A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"
The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death
with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You
bastard!" The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom,
"Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more
outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?" The
guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but
for fifteen years, I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked
to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."
A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The
doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try
startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself
a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two were having sex
and found themselves in the 69 position. The man felt the urge to ejaculate and
fired the starter pistol. The next day he went back to the doctor who asked how
it went. The man answered, "Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped on
my face, bit three inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet
with his hands in the air.
Man hires Chinese detective Cheng Lee, to watch to see if his wife is being
unfaithful. Two days later, he gets a report:
Most Honorable sir. I watch house. You leave house. He came to house. He and
She leave house. I follow. He and she go hotel. I climb tree and look in window.
He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip. She strip. He play with she. She play with
he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee!
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