few nice jokes
Got this text from my brother recently.
It read, ?Can I stay at your house for a while?
The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.
It just reaches the back of her sister?s throat!?
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I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.. She said, ?It?s my husband! Quick, try the back door!?
Thinking back, I really should have ran ? but you don?t get offers like that every day.
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The missus asked me, ?When you?re on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?? Apparently ?Only to stop myself from coming too quickly? wasn?t the right answer.
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The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers,so I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
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I went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!"and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
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A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead".
The operator says, "How do you know?"
He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
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My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker.
Well... she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
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I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated
but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
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My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I went down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
It read, ?Can I stay at your house for a while?
The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.
It just reaches the back of her sister?s throat!?
-----------------------------------------------------------
I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.. She said, ?It?s my husband! Quick, try the back door!?
Thinking back, I really should have ran ? but you don?t get offers like that every day.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The missus asked me, ?When you?re on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?? Apparently ?Only to stop myself from coming too quickly? wasn?t the right answer.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers,so I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
I went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!"and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead".
The operator says, "How do you know?"
He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker.
Well... she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated
but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I went down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
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