The WAG thread.

[abdul razaq]

There isn't a man who hasn't had the occasional verbal battering from their better halves. Here's your chance to counter some of those psychological trauma's through humouristic finese.
Let us start with this little ditty:



I walked into the police station and said, 'Call off the search for my wife.'

He asked, "So has she returned home then?"

'No, I don't miss her anymore.'

[abdul razaq]

My wife is leaving me because she says I cant do anything on time...

She just cant take a good April fools joke.

[abdul razaq]

My wife says she's leaving me because she thinks I have an obsession with Twitter.

#what a #load of #bull.

[abdul razaq]

So nobody in the forum knows any wife/girlfriend jokes?

[abdul razaq]

I said to my wife, 'Sorry, I never heard what you said.'

She said, 'I didn't say anything.'

I said,'That makes a ****ing change.'

[abdul razaq]

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear away from his eye.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room... "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his drink, "It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met."

She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 16 and you were only 15," he said solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband pauses... The words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden shed?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved his cricket bat in my face and said, Either you will marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?"

"I remember that, too" she replied softly...

He sighed as he wiped a tear away from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."

[abdul razaq]

I walked back in the house this morning and said, "I'm sorry for leaving you, I'll never do it again. I love you."

My wife shouted from the kitchen, "Who are you talking to?"

I said, "No one, I've just popped back, I left my mobile."

[abdul razaq]

My friend's getting married and having the wedding reception at McDonald's.

It's going to be his last ever happy meal.

[codyb888]

A husband and wife are watching "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire," and the husband winks and says, "Honey, let's go upstairs..."

The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no.
So the husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says yes. The husband says, "Well, can I phone a friend?"

[abdul razaq]

A husband and wife are watching "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire," and the husband winks and says, "Honey, let's go upstairs..."

The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no.
So the husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says yes. The husband says, "Well, can I phone a friend?"

Nice one Cody. And welcome to the forum.

[andymc1s]

full set of encyclopedia britannica for sale in mint condition.
reason for sale wife knows ~~~~ing everything

[Shady]

I did want to contribute to this thread, but as i struggle to acknowledge my wifes existence even when she's in the same room, i find it difficult to think of a joke about her

[abdul razaq]

I'll never forget my wife's last words as she lay dying.

"For goodness sake who is standing on my oxygen tube?"

[abdul razaq]

Every night this week my wife has called me saying: 'Where are you, your dinner is cold!'

She can't get it into her head, I heard her the first time, on Monday.

[abdul razaq]

My friends wife left him, so I went to cheer him up. After a few minutes with him, he quickly got up and flung open the cupboard.
"What are you looking for, Dave?" I asked.
"A recent photo of my wife."

"Oh. For the police? "
"No." He said, shaking his head.

"For 'Missing' Posters?"
"No, it's just that since my wife left, its the only thing that helps me." said Dave, looking agitated.

"Are you heart broken?" I asked sympathetically.
"Nope" He said. "... I've got hiccups."