Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!' Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been living off a dead Beatles for the last thirty years.
I got sacked last night from serving in the Salvation Army soup kitchen. Ungrateful bleeders, all I said was, 'Hurry up for f*cks sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'
Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore.
Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting your bloody tee ready!
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen, 'What?ll you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?' I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please.' She replied, 'You're having soup, you fat ba***rd , I was talking to the cat!'
In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, waiter came over and says, 'Curry OK?' I said, 'Go on then, just one song then bugger off.'
I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'
Firemen have just rescued an Irish man with his penis stuck in a condom machine. He said, 'The sign says, insert ?2 and push knob in'.
I got sacked last night from serving in the Salvation Army soup kitchen. Ungrateful bleeders, all I said was, 'Hurry up for f*cks sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'
Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore.
Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting your bloody tee ready!
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen, 'What?ll you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?' I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please.' She replied, 'You're having soup, you fat ba***rd , I was talking to the cat!'
In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, waiter came over and says, 'Curry OK?' I said, 'Go on then, just one song then bugger off.'
I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'
Firemen have just rescued an Irish man with his penis stuck in a condom machine. He said, 'The sign says, insert ?2 and push knob in'.
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