- My wife is a dirty, lazy cow, I reckon any housework would kill her. For instance, it seems every time I go to have a piss in the sink, its full of dirty dishes
- I love my women to talk dirty during sex.I do all my chatting up at the local tourettes association.
- What does Lucy Pinder do with a cucumber?Eat it you dirty ****
- A man is lying in bed with his wife when she rolls over and says, "Say something dirty to me."He replies, "the dishes."
- Red riding hood was walking through the forest when all of a sudden the big bad wolf jumped out and said "Take your blouse off so I can suck your tits!". Red riding hood pulls down her knickers lies on the ground and says "**** off, eat me like the book ****in says!!"
- I"ve been saving a fortune lately. Instead of spending a fortune ringing expensive sex lines, I ring the Samaritans and say, "talk dirty or I"ll kill myself!"
- I don"t agree with Vodafone"s advertising campaign.It states "Be part of the worlds largest mobile community"Now correct me if I"m wrong but that"s the Gypsies!
- A tramp walks into a jewellers, puts his hands down his trousers and starts fingering his arsehole. The sales assistant shouts at him "Stop what you"re doing and get out!" The tramp says "You want to make your ****ing minds up, you"ve a sign on the window says come inside and pick your ring in comfort."
- A guy is sitting in a bar one evening on his own. He keeps catching the eye of a lady at the far end of the bar. This goes on for quite some time, before he musters up the courage to go over to her."Hi, what brings a beautiful woman like you here?" he asks"I"ve broken up with my boyfriend, so I"m just sitting here drowning my sorrows. He said I was too dirty in the bedroom.""Wow, I"m here for the same reason - my girlfriend"s just thrown me out, said I was too filthy as well!"They sit drinking together for the rest of the evening. As she goes to leave, she asks if he"d like to come back to hers and he accepts.When they get back to her place she motions to the sofa and says, "I"ll be right out, just going to get ready." She goes into the bathroom and gets out her strap-on dildo, **** beads, whip, gimp outfit, Viagra, and a leather dominatrix outfit.When she comes out, the man is heading towards the door. "Where are you going?" she asks."Well," says the man, "I"ve ****ed your dog and had a shit in your handbag - I"m off."
- Whilst having sex with the wife last night, she told me to kiss her "somewhere dirty"So I took her to Slough.
- Did you ever hear about the boy who cried Wolf?He was masturbating over "Gladiators"
- A man goes to psychiatrist because his girlfriend thinks he is obsessed with sex. The doctor draws a square and asks the man what he sees."Sex," said the man.The doctor drew a circle and asked what the man saw."Sex," replied the man.So the doctor draws a picture of a triangle and asks the same question."Sex," said the man."Well" said the doctor, "you are obsessed with sex.""I"m obsessed?" said the man. "You"re the one who keeps drawing the dirty pictures."
- I don"t know, the young girls of today, all they want to do is be groped, touched, spoken dirty to and generally sexually abused ............................... Don"t they?