Only in Scotland
Being Scottish is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a
Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish
kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a
Japanese TV.
And the most Scottish thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!
Only in Scotland can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.
Only in Scotland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way
to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Sotland do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries
and a DIET coke.
Only in Scotland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens
to the counters.
Only in Scotland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the
drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Scotland do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want
to talk to in the first place.
Only in Scotland are there disabled parking places in front of a
skating rink.
NOT TO MENTION..
3 Scots die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their
tongue.
142 Scots were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new
shirts.
58 Scots are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.
31 Scots have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree
while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Scots have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
decorations were chocolate.
Scottish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas
cracker-pulling accidents.
18 Scots had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a
lit cigarette in their mouth..
A massive 543 Scots were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying
to open bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Scots were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control
Scalextric cars.
and finally...
In 2000 eight Scots were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred
whilst throwing up into the toilet.
