Sudent Bank Account
Hey, chill out.
If there one thing you don't need at college, it's hassle. Like the
landlord making a heavy scene about the rent. Or you've checked out a groovy
pair of strides in a hip boutique, but you ain't got no moolar to buy them
with. And you can't do your homework, cos you used your last sheet of paper
rolling up a bong to smoke happy baccy.
On top of all these problems the last thing you need is a wrinkly dude
bank manager who hassles you the minute your account goes a couple of 'K'
O.D.
At Berkleys we understand about student life. All our managers used to
be students back in the thirties. We know that you need more than pens,
pencils and protractors to see you through the term. You also need chewing
gum, pop records, cinema tickets and fizzy drinks. And after a hard day's
work you wanna hang out with the other cats in the Union bar, or maybe buy
tickets to see the latest pop group.
At Berkleys, that's cool. Our staff are all hip to the jive, daddy oh.
And we aren't going to lay some heavy guilt trip on you just cos you go
a couple of grand into the red. Like, big deal. It's only bread, yeah? At
your local branch you'll find all of our staff are hip cats, just like you.
In fact, don't be surprised if you see our Student Advice Officer in the
local record shop checking out the latest sounds. So why not come and check
us out, or complete the coupon below and collect a free(*) pencil sharpener,
biro pen and a packet of chewing gum.
COME INTO OUR PARLOUR...
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| Berkleys Student Bank Account (complete coupon in BLOCK CAPITALS |
| |
| Dear Mr Spider, |
| I am a fly. Please may I come into your parlour. Send me details |
| of Berkleys Student Accounts. |
| |
| Name: _______ Address: _________________________________ |
| _____________ _________________________________ |
| _____________ _________________________________ |
|_________________________________________________ ___________________|
(*) To qualify for your free pencil sharpener, Biro pen and packet of chewing
gum you must open a Berkleys Student Account. You do not need any money
to open the account. Just a letter of acceptance from a UK University or
college of full-time education. Once you have opened your account and we
have given you your crappy freebies, we will treat you just like everyone
else, i.e. sh*t. All bank managers are c*nts. Any money we lend you, we'll
get it back. And plenty more besides, don't you worry. We'll start you off
with a Student Loan, then if you get a job, we'll give you a mortgage. At
that point your life effectively ends. You might think that you're clever cos
you got a couple of 'A' levels and you got to University. But no. You're
not clever. If you were you wouldn't be reading this tosh. You're sh*t.
Jack Sh*t. And when we call, you'll come running. We'll pick you up by
the pods, and squeeze them, tighter and tighter and tighter.
Till they pop. Make no mistake, we'll bleed you dry. For the rest of your
life, you're working for US.
-------------------------------------------------
If there one thing you don't need at college, it's hassle. Like the
landlord making a heavy scene about the rent. Or you've checked out a groovy
pair of strides in a hip boutique, but you ain't got no moolar to buy them
with. And you can't do your homework, cos you used your last sheet of paper
rolling up a bong to smoke happy baccy.
On top of all these problems the last thing you need is a wrinkly dude
bank manager who hassles you the minute your account goes a couple of 'K'
O.D.
At Berkleys we understand about student life. All our managers used to
be students back in the thirties. We know that you need more than pens,
pencils and protractors to see you through the term. You also need chewing
gum, pop records, cinema tickets and fizzy drinks. And after a hard day's
work you wanna hang out with the other cats in the Union bar, or maybe buy
tickets to see the latest pop group.
At Berkleys, that's cool. Our staff are all hip to the jive, daddy oh.
And we aren't going to lay some heavy guilt trip on you just cos you go
a couple of grand into the red. Like, big deal. It's only bread, yeah? At
your local branch you'll find all of our staff are hip cats, just like you.
In fact, don't be surprised if you see our Student Advice Officer in the
local record shop checking out the latest sounds. So why not come and check
us out, or complete the coupon below and collect a free(*) pencil sharpener,
biro pen and a packet of chewing gum.
COME INTO OUR PARLOUR...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
| Berkleys Student Bank Account (complete coupon in BLOCK CAPITALS |
| |
| Dear Mr Spider, |
| I am a fly. Please may I come into your parlour. Send me details |
| of Berkleys Student Accounts. |
| |
| Name: _______ Address: _________________________________ |
| _____________ _________________________________ |
| _____________ _________________________________ |
|_________________________________________________ ___________________|
(*) To qualify for your free pencil sharpener, Biro pen and packet of chewing
gum you must open a Berkleys Student Account. You do not need any money
to open the account. Just a letter of acceptance from a UK University or
college of full-time education. Once you have opened your account and we
have given you your crappy freebies, we will treat you just like everyone
else, i.e. sh*t. All bank managers are c*nts. Any money we lend you, we'll
get it back. And plenty more besides, don't you worry. We'll start you off
with a Student Loan, then if you get a job, we'll give you a mortgage. At
that point your life effectively ends. You might think that you're clever cos
you got a couple of 'A' levels and you got to University. But no. You're
not clever. If you were you wouldn't be reading this tosh. You're sh*t.
Jack Sh*t. And when we call, you'll come running. We'll pick you up by
the pods, and squeeze them, tighter and tighter and tighter.
Till they pop. Make no mistake, we'll bleed you dry. For the rest of your
life, you're working for US.
-------------------------------------------------