Quasimodo retires

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  • hoggy952
    DK Veteran
    • Jan 2010
    • 1229
    #1

    Quasimodo retires

    Quasimodo was due to retire so they were trying out replacement bell ringers.
    they final 3 applicants were called to the bell tower for a test..

    "Ok, here's what you do, you push the bell hard to get it swinging, then you take a few steps back and run at it, hitting it with the top of your head to make it ring.. just like this.." which he duly demonstrated making a loud and glorious "dong!!".

    the first guy stepped up, swung the bell and ran at it.
    he hit it but with not much force, cutting his scalp and only succeeding in making a dull "dunk!!" ..

    "NEXT!"

    the second guy stepped up, swung the bell and ran at it with much more gusto..
    he managed to get a decent "ding!!" out of it but knocked himself unconscious..

    "he's no good if he can only do one ding..NEXT!!"

    the last guy realised that he'd have to try a lot harder so he gave the bell a mighty push and ran at it with all his strength..
    he stuck the bell producing a "DONG!!!" to rival the one Quasimodo had demonstrated.
    unfortunately he had mistimed his run, striking the bell awkwardly and the backswing of the bell knocked him clear out of the bell tower, plunging him to the pavement far below.

    a crowd gathered round the body, as they do.
    one man asked if anybody knew the young man.
    "no" came the reply, but one man said .......
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    "but his face rings a bell".....
    Tags: None
    • Bulld0g
      V.I.P. Member
      • Apr 2008
      • 7158
      #2
      As soon as i read the title i knew the punchline. Get your coat and don't let the door hit your arse on the way out ........Taxi for hoggy

      THE TRUTH
      The Hillsborough Independent Panel. 12/09/12
      Today's report is black and white.The Liverpool fans were not the cause of the disaster.
      The panel has quite simply found 'no evidence' in support of allegations of 'exceptional levels of drunkenness, ticketlessness or violence among Liverpool fans' and 'no evidence that fans had conspired to arrive late at the stadium' and 'no evidence that they stole from the dead and dying'.

        Comment

        • hoggy952
          DK Veteran
          • Jan 2010
          • 1229
          #3
          Originally posted by Bulld0g
          As soon as i read the title i knew the punchline. Get your coat and don't let the door hit your arse on the way out ........Taxi for hoggy
          try this one

          I saw Qausi being chased down the street by a bunch of kids shouting and jeering and throwing stones at him.
          He was shouting "f*ck off I haven't nicked your football"

          or
          Snow White, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo are sitting in a pub with their mates.

          Snow White says, "There's no doubt about it, I'm the fairest in the land."

          Tom thumb says, "There's no doubt about it, I'm the smallest in the land."

          Quasimodo says, "There's no doubt about it, I'm the ugliest in the land."

          Their mates tell them to prove it by going to the magic all-knowing mirror, and the three head off.

          A few minutes later, the door of the pub bursts open and Snow White runs in and says, "It's official...I'm the fairest in the land!"

          Shortly afterwards, the door again bursts open and Tom Thumb runs in and shouts, "It's official...I'm the smallest in the land!"

          Five minutes later, the door gets kicked in and Quasimodo storms in and bellows, "Who the tuck is Bulldog

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