Why i'm divorced

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  • Bulld0g
    V.I.P. Member
    • Apr 2008
    • 7158

    #1

    Why i'm divorced

    Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning..

    I went downstairs for breakfast
    hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
    'Happy Birthday!',
    and possibly have a small present for me.

    As it turned out,
    she barely said good morning,
    let alone
    ' Happy Birthday.'

    I thought....

    Well, that's marriage for you,
    but the kids....
    They will remember.

    My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
    and didn't say a word..
    So when I left for the office,
    I felt pretty low
    and somewhat despondent.

    As I walked into my office,
    my secretary Jane said,
    'Good Morning Boss,
    and by the way
    Happy Birthday ! '
    It felt a little better
    that at least someone had remembered.

    I worked until one o'clock ,
    when Jane knocked on my door
    and said, 'You know,
    It's such a beautiful day outside,
    and it is your Birthday,
    what do you say we go out to lunch,
    just you and me..'
    I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
    that's the greatest thing
    I've heard all day.
    Let's go !'

    We went to lunch.
    But we didn't go
    where we normally would go.
    She chose instead at a quiet bistro
    with a private table.
    We had two martinis each
    and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

    On the way back to the office,
    Jane said, 'You know,
    It's such a beautiful day...
    We don't need to go straight back to the office,
    Do We ?'

    I responded,
    'I guess not.
    What do you have in mind ?'
    She said,
    'Let's drop by my apartment,
    it's just around the corner..'

    After arriving at her apartment,
    Jane turned to me and said,

    ' Boss, if you don't mind,
    I'm going to step into the bedroom
    for just a moment.
    I'll be right back.'
    'Ok.' I nervously replied.

    She went into the bedroom and,
    after a couple of minutes,
    she came out
    carrying a huge birthday cake ...
    Followed
    by my wife,
    my kids,
    and dozens of my friends
    and co-workers,
    all singing 'Happy Birthday'.


    And I just sat there.....

    On the couch....

    Naked.

    THE TRUTH
    The Hillsborough Independent Panel. 12/09/12

    Today's report is black and white.The Liverpool fans were not the cause of the disaster.
    The panel has quite simply found 'no evidence' in support of allegations of 'exceptional levels of drunkenness, ticketlessness or violence among Liverpool fans' and 'no evidence that fans had conspired to arrive late at the stadium' and 'no evidence that they stole from the dead and dying'.
  • stigie
    Newbie
    • Sep 2010
    • 4

    #2
    needed cheering up pmsl

    Comment

    • manxspud
      DK Veteran
      • Jul 2009
      • 1768

      #3
      The other reason he is divorced :



      @manx

      Comment

      • Bulld0g
        V.I.P. Member
        • Apr 2008
        • 7158

        #4
        Originally posted by manxspud
        The other reason he is divorced :



        @manx
        ~~~~ me that looks like Lionel Ritchie looking in a bath tap

        THE TRUTH
        The Hillsborough Independent Panel. 12/09/12

        Today's report is black and white.The Liverpool fans were not the cause of the disaster.
        The panel has quite simply found 'no evidence' in support of allegations of 'exceptional levels of drunkenness, ticketlessness or violence among Liverpool fans' and 'no evidence that fans had conspired to arrive late at the stadium' and 'no evidence that they stole from the dead and dying'.

        Comment

        • satsdat
          Member
          • Aug 2009
          • 75

          #5
          at least you were on the couch and not warming up for action ehh!brilliant

          Comment

          • melloned
            DK Veteran
            • Nov 2008
            • 1215

            #6
            Originally posted by Bulld0g
            ~~~~ me that looks like Lionel Ritchie looking in a bath tap
            looks like an ugly Homer Simson !

            Comment

            • bald rick
              DK Veteran
              • Feb 2010
              • 514

              #7
              or Mick Jagger getting his stones mangled

              Comment

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