I took my wife to Specsavers this morning. Even they couldn't see why I married her.
Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us, she fell to my feet and as I started to make mad passionate love to her, I thought to myself....these tazer guns are well worth the money!!!!!
I woke up this morning at 8 and I just knew something was wrong.
Got downstairs and the Wife was face down on the Kitchen floor, not breathing, I panicked, didn't know what to do.... ....then I remembered McDonalds serve breakfast until 10:30.
Was asked to go and see my ex girlfriend today. 1 thing lead 2 another and we ended up havin sex. Police weren't 2 pleased.
I was only meant to be identifying the body.
I went to see a psychic last weekend and she told me that I'd be coming into money.
Last night I shagged a girl called Penny! Spooky or what?.
I must have really ****ed off my wife when I tried erotic asphyxiation on her when we were having sex.
She's been lying there for five days now, giving me the silent treatment.
, Very good, you tell em like jimmy carr!
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