Took a dyslexic bird home last night, and she ended up cooking my sock!
Blonde walks into a dry cleaners with a pair of stained white trousers,
and hands them over to the assistant.
As she is heading for the door the assistant says "Thank You, Come
Again"
Blonde replies "No, toothpaste this time".
Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and
stopped breathing.
I thought she was dead until I saw the red spot on her forehead, and
realised she was just on standby.
Couple driving home and run over a Badger, they get out to find it was
still breathing but very cold.
Husband says "put it between your legs to warm it up"
Wife replies "but it`s all wet and it stinks"
Husband replies.." well hold the Badgers nose t
A man was caught m*sturbating in a newsagents.
Apparently it's all over the papers.
They've had to cancel the panto 'jack & the beanstalk',in
Birmingham,Oldham,Bradford,Burnley,Leicester & Luton:
because the giant couldn't smell any Englishmen.
Just bought a racehorse called "My Face".
It may not be any good but I cant wait to hear all the women in crowd
screaming
'come on my face'.
Once upon a time, a man asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl
said, 'NO!'
The man lived happily ever after, rode motorcycles, went fishing and
hunting and played golf.
Drank beer and whiskey, had tons of money in the bank, left the toilet
seat up, and farted whenever he wanted.
What have fat birds and mopeds got in common.
They're both fun to ride, until some one sees you on one
