Advice with my ex please.

[Lyrrad]

I will try to be brief.

I have a 9 year old son that lives with his mother. At the moment I am on good talking terms with the her.

In the past my son attended private school that was being paid for by a trust fund in my sons name.
His mother, without any discussion with me or that school, withdrew him on the last day of term.
Initially the school pursued a terms money from the mother which eventually lead to court action. The mother pointed out to the school that fact was there were 2 people that had signed the agreement on a joint and several basis, her and me. The school addressed this problem by including me in the court case.

She believes that she has a case, and I believe she does not. Through the court mediation services I have managed to get the school to accept an amount of ?2000 as settlement out of court. The original bill was ?2480 but now it is going to court the fees and interest will bring it up to around ?3000.
If she wins lovely, if she loses she intends to plead poverty and I feel I will need to pay the major amount outstanding.

I have offered to pay the ?2000 and allow the mother to pay me back ?1000 over an agreeable timeframe (I am looking at ?75 to ?100 per month). Her response was I am not prepared to get into debt to you. I want my day in court
I have said it is fair that my liability should not go beyond ?1000 and if she goes to court and loses, I will pay the court and would expect her to come to an agreement with me where she repays me the total less ?1000. Again her attitude is she will not do a deal with me at all.
I have also offered her ?1000 cash to keep provided she accepts everything beyond that. So if she wins she has just made herself ?1000. Again not acceptable to her.

So does anyone know where I stand?
It feels like she is getting her day in court with nothing to lose. She has already stated she intends to pay nothing and does not mind a CCJ. Can/will the judge decide who pays what and over what period of time. If, as I believe the mother is going to plead poverty and offer like ?5.00 per week, then surely the school are going to ask me to pay the bulk.
My intention is either to let her have her day in court, pay the bill if she loses, and then reduce maintenance payments over a period of time. Or to do the same prior to any court case.

Obviously the reduction of maintenance money is going to cause 3rd world war, but I firmly believe that I am dealing with someone that is being extremely selfish over situation that was created solely by her

Thoughts and advice please.

[nara]

I really think you need the advice of a solicitor here.

[Lyrrad]

I really think you need the advice of a solicitor here.

The sums involved don't make that viable.

[cunny]

Maybe citizens advice?

[Grizz]

if you dont mind me asking, why didnt the trust fund just pay the school the money it was owed? ie a full term (minus a day, in effect a full term) did the school breach part of its contract?

[Lyrrad]

if you dont mind me asking, why didnt the trust fund just pay the school the money it was owed? ie a full term (minus a day, in effect a full term) did the school breach part of its contract?

The money being asked for is the next terms fee. They are paid in advance.

The trust fund would not pay for education not received

[Lyrrad]

Maybe citizens advice?

It's a possibility

US laws on joint and several are different to UK. In US if one party makes the action the other party is not as financially involved. That does not seem to be the case in UK

[chalky 4]

1. Look into why the trust has not paid these fees. 2. Make arrangements directly with the school to pay any debt owed fully yourself. If you explain the situation they will be supportive. 3. Take the hit for your child. The mother has all the cards, keep her sweet or lose your access. Single mothers can be EVIL.

[Grizz]

tough one mate, sounds like she'll do what she wants cause she knows youll have to pick up the pieces....
could you go to court and pay your half (if you lose)and let her deal with her own liability?

[Lyrrad]

tough one mate, sounds like she'll do what she wants cause she knows youll have to pick up the pieces....
could you go to court and pay your half (if you lose)and let her deal with her own liability?

Sadly thats called joint, I'm involved in joint and several.

The school would take the half then pursue us both for the second half.

[Lyrrad]

1. Look into why the trust has not paid these fees. 2. Make arrangements directly with the school to pay any debt owed fully yourself. If you explain the situation they will be supportive. 3. Take the hit for your child. The mother has all the cards, keep her sweet or lose your access. Single mothers can be EVIL.

The trust has not paid the fees because they are representing my son. Why would they pay for fees for eduction not received.

Okay I'm prepared to take the hit for my child.

Do I:


1. Pay the ?2000 and let my ex moan I never gave allowed her day in court and she can parade around saying what a fool I am for being so quick to pay for a case she was bound to win.

2. Let her go to court and see if she wins ( im not holding my breathe here), and then if she loses pay the ?3000

[Grizz]

if you think you are gonna have to pay the 3k yourself anyway you may as well pay the 2k. i wouldnt give a crap about her moaning or what she will say about you.
if the least drama is also the cheapest option theres no contest.

[Lyrrad]

if you think you are gonna have to pay the 3k yourself anyway you may as well pay the 2k. i wouldnt give a crap about her moaning or what she will say about you.
if the least drama is also the cheapest option theres no contest.

Interesting development.

I have not mentioned before that the court involved in this insisted all parties had to have mediation. It was during that time that I offered ?1000 as full and final settlement and the schools legal representatives wanted ?2000. My offer was not accepted.

Today I went back to the mediation services, and said I would like to increase my offer to ?1500.

The mediation service does nothing else other than act as a go between and I mentioned my plight to the lady concerned and she said she would speak with the schools legal advisers.

She came back to me later today and said that the schools legal advisers will speak with the school about my latest offer and also about the possibility of me making an offer as settlement with legal documentation stating that the school will no longer pursue me for any money.

So although the agreement was signed by both me and my ex, the school can ask for the money from both or 1, and after a pay off from me they would just concentrate on the 1, that being my ex.

To my mind they might go for it, and I am unsure how much they will require.

For the school it will be an insurance. If they lose the case, they would have my money. If they win the case they will have my money and chase my ex for the balance.

Of course if my ex won the case I would kinda feel cheated, but I cant help how I feel and I want out of this mess as quick and as cheaply as possible. I also want to dissociate myself from my ex with regard to this matter.

All in all a positive addition to an horrible situation for me.

[billy2]

m8 i would be looking at citizens advice or a no win no fee solicitor where he will go after the school for his fee, also it looks like she has you jump through hoops for her, what happens down the line this going to happing again where you pulling your hair out and she sits back not giving a ~~~~ know you will pick up the pieces ???

[Snowy79]

I agree with the above this looks like just the tip of the ice berg. I'd defo seek legal advice. Without seeing the contract you signed with the school for the education it's hard to say if the school has a legal claim. All the best as I know it's a horrible situation to be in once you start having trouble with the Ex.