Fathers who dont take responsibility.

[ray156]

i will do my hardest to not take my kid through a court. and if any man i was to meet in the very distant future tried to dictate my sons life or compromise my son and his dads relationship hed get told where to go.

Just because im a single mother, does not mean i dont have morals, or know how to be an adult.

a child has two parents, and those two parents have different but very equal roles to play in their up bringing. whether they are together or not.

i agree with you,i hope until your kid is at an age to fend for self it stays that way.but again separation is a very sad road and the longest road anyone can walk down,i respect what you say,but no one can predict the future,back to the point of marriage,if you meet someone and marry that person,that person is taking on the responsibility to look after you and your child,but you are saying if your husband says anything about the way your child is brought up.that may be against your ex,you will boot him out,not being nasty,but pity any guy that falls for you.as a stepdad is a stepdad,example:i married my wife,who had 3 kids to another marriage,i was there stepdad,when we split up and got divorced,i had the same contact rights of her kids as there own father had.separation-divorce=kids,goes down a road no one will ever understand.and i know every turn in that road,been there twice,as i said no direspect to you or childs father,or child as well.all my best wishes for the 3 of you.ray.

[ChelseaBun]

i agree with you,i hope until your kid is at an age to fend for self it stays that way.but again separation is a very sad road and the longest road anyone can walk down,i respect what you say,but no one can predict the future,back to the point of marriage,if you meet someone and marry that person,that person is taking on the responsibility to look after you and your child,but you are saying if your husband says anything about the way your child is brought up.that may be against your ex,you will boot him out,not being nasty,but pity any guy that falls for you.as a stepdad is a stepdad,example:i married my wife,who had 3 kids to another marriage,i was there stepdad,when we split up and got divorced,i had the same contact rights of her kids as there own father had.separation-divorce=kids,goes down a road no one will ever understand.and i know every turn in that road,been there twice,as i said no direspect to you or childs father,or child as well.all my best wishes for the 3 of you.ray.

see to be brutally honest, id quite happily become a nun, find a decent career that i loved and remain single the rest of my life.

my son is my life, and as much as i had more kids planned for the future and would love my son to be a brother, i cant fathom having people get involved in what can potentially turn out to be a messy situation.

i would hate for someone to assume they have a right of say in a childs life that they did not conceive just because they are married to one of their parents.

and to be honest i pity anyone who falls for me too!

i appreciate that im being totally naive in something that i dont know a great deal about. and i get that having the greatest intentions isn't always realistic, but i am a strong believer of, that when i had my son it was no longer my life but was his life that i was living for. and if that means i go without ever having another partner, as sad as it sounds, i will happily go without. I quite like being on my own, although i am starting to enjoy being a recluse which isn't healthy

[ray156]

ChelseaBun;wrote

i appreciate that im being totally naive in something that i dont know a great deal about. and i get that having the greatest intentions isn't always realistic, but i am a strong believer of, that when i had my son it was no longer my life but was his life that i was living for. and if that means i go without ever having another partner, as sad as it sounds, i will happily go without. I quite like being on my own, although i am starting to enjoy being a recluse which isn't healthy

you dont know how close to the truth you are.more so in the last 3 lines,as you will see,i have been split from my ex for 8 yrs now,a lot has been,war,but i only have to txt or phone and say want to come round for a coffee or dinner,and she will,we are only 2 min walk from each other,we also have become recluse,just like being on our own,none of us have had another partner,now starting to enjoy it,kids are 1st,in fact my son just came round and is in his room playing xbox 360.as kids still have own rooms,i live in a 3 bedroom on my own,ex has the same.
but my kids are now old enough to do things for self,girl 13-boy 11,2 diff mothers,in fact my sons mum above,we can sit and watch a movie together,my hand holding her leg,kids dont say a thing,so its just a matter of doing the best you can in a bad situation.

dont become a NUN as you will start getting hit with the cobweb jokes.

[RedSpider]

i take full responsibility for my kid but not for my actions

[garry1312]

I am highly with CB on this one and I trust her on this, there will never be a step father or step mother they would simply be our partner. They would have no say in the upbringing of our child that is the parents job. This has been discussed by me and CB after separation and during our relationship.

I have high respect for CB as a mother and know that she will do what is best by our son and she knows that the best thing is us working together as parents whatever the outcome, no one else will be my sons father or stepfather we both do not agree in the term of anyone else being called stepdad/ stepmum, 2nd dad/ mum whatever.

And I can say this for sure if my son came back to me and said "mums man told me to do this or that" which did not follow mine and Chelseas parenting Chelsea would not get a chance to kick him out because his life would not be worth living.

I am my sons father no one else I will always play as big a role as CB in his life and she agrees with that. If someone else comes in to the situation be it on my side or CB's side who does not agree with that, does not accept that, wants to be more than just a partner I will take great pleasure in removing them from the situation.

Yes I get that this does happen but I am not going to tar CB with that brush because when it comes to our son we both have the same morals and both want whats best for him.

I trust CB to keep our agreements relating to our son as in the time we both spend with him, the no step parent bullshit etc and you know why I trust her on it because she is a great fantastic mother and she knows that our son needs both parents and we are both on the same page when it comes to parenting our son which is rare and can even be rare when in a relationship.

[satsmo]

As much as I admire your honesty Garry, I do not think a forum is the right place to advocate your feelings on it.

But that's my opinion and counts for little on such matters,

[garry1312]

As much as I admire your honesty Garry, I do not think a forum is the right place to advocate your feelings on it.

But that's my opinion and counts for little on such matters,

I dont understand to be honest Sats its within the General forum which over the time I have seen many family related issues etc.

I understand that there is going to be mixed views on such an issue but then hopefully that would lead to a civil debate.

I thought a forum within reason anything goes and is open for discussion and debate I have not posted it in the wrong topic. I have also not broken any of the forum rules with this thread.

If you think that the thread is such a bad thing then feel free to remove it but personally I do not see it causing any harm, the thread has not turned in to a fight and to be honest has been a pretty calm thread and personally I want to see all sorts of opinions on the matter be it within my agreement or against my agreement. I am not going to shoot anyone down for having a different opinion than myself.

[satsmo]

Nothing about rules or topics Garry. As stated I just expressed my opinion, you are quite entitled to your's.

I am partaking in the thread as a member, (sometimes people forget us on staff are still just that), so why should I delete it?

I think it is a private matter between you and CB, even though she too has partaken in the thread. But as said that's just my opinion.

[garry1312]

Sorry mate the thread was not relating to me and Chelsea it was relating to my views on fathers that dont take the responsibility that they should. What brought me to bring up such a thread was a TV show not mine and Chelsea's situation, that has nothing to do with my views on the matter.

All I got at was that I am lucky to have my son as much as i do etc and also the responsibility I have for my son, as it related to the topic but this thread was not created in any means to relate to my personal situation. I can see were you have maybe picked that idea up from though.

So people back on topic I used my situation as a means of the way I think it should be not for a discussion of my personal situation and wither that will remain the same or change or not is irrelevant.

Thanks though Sats as it was becoming off topic and my intentions was for it never to be a personal thread relating to myself.

[ray156]

Nothing about rules or topics Garry. As stated I just expressed my opinion, you are quite entitled to your's.

I am partaking in the thread as a member, (sometimes people forget us on staff are still just that), so why should I delete it?

I think it is a private matter between you and CB, even though she too has partaken in the thread. But as said that's just my opinion.

i agree with satsmo on this one,a lot has been said,and a lot has been personal,nothing wrong with the thread,but i think enough has been said on matter.time to put it to bed.ray.

[ChelseaBun]

i apologise for it becoming off topic but someone did relate it to me and i did feel defensive.

though i think i should say, in this day and age, women who use their kids as weapons and stop the father of their children from seeing their kids should get some form of punishment from the court from doing so.

even if a man has done wrong by a women i.e cheated. that does not get them free exemption from raising a child.

just my opinion but y'know...

[garry1312]

i agree with satsmo on this one,a lot has been said,and a lot has been personal,nothing wrong with the thread,but i think enough has been said on matter.time to put it to bed.ray.

Ray it was not intended to be personal it was intended to be on peoples views of fathers taking responsibility of there children. I only used my situation to explain how I take responsibility.

Sadly it did go slightly personal but thats down to people know me and they know my ex on here.

This thread is not personally related to me, yes I can relate to it and yes I can say thats the way I take responsibility. I am certainly not after it turning in to a thread were as I am told that my current situation will not remain the same the end of the day to shorten down:

Why do men not take responsibility as they should? As I said I went to college with a lassie that did not take responsibility it was the father.

My personal situation has nothing to do with the topic at all but I said how I take responsibility.

The thread should not be dropped it should be kept on topic!

[gazz10]

Ray it was not intended to be personal it was intended to be on peoples views of fathers taking responsibility of there children. I only used my situation to explain how I take responsibility.

Sadly it did go slightly personal but thats down to people know me and they know my ex on here.

This thread is not personally related to me, yes I can relate to it and yes I can say thats the way I take responsibility. I am certainly not after it turning in to a thread were as I am told that my current situation will not remain the same the end of the day to shorten down:

Why do men not take responsibility as they should? As I said I went to college with a lassie that did not take responsibility it was the father.

My personal situation has nothing to do with the topic at all but I said how I take responsibility.

The thread should not be dropped it should be kept on topic!

just stuff should not be aired in here, you and cb have to sit down and sort it out, and am sure time will heal, were once a great couple.... been there wore , and got tshirt only time will sort.


Airing such stuff can and look like a call to others that someone needs help, there loads of sites and organistations out to help.


Not saying you require help, u just require someone to talk to... or both....

[mtv1]

and i'v only read half the thread folks garry and cb

i've often said after raising 6 kids its respect for each other will see ye through the rough patches { wit a couple of door slams } bringing 3rd parties in will cause disruption but once the kid knows he/she is loved no worries

and yes i'm half bladdered writing this

[happy_highlander]

Garry and Cb....It's early days yet and I agree whole heartedly about your feelings for your child. I can comment from both sides of the fence on this one though. Being both a parent and step parent. Same as you both my kids are my life, but so are my step kids even though as they were growing up I used to get the obligitory you can't tell me what to do your not my dad....I can guarantee you both that any future partners you may or may not have will almost certainly leave you and not need to be told to leave if they have no say in the discipline (maybe a bit of a harsh word) or rules of the house which is their home for which they are responsible for the well being and safety of everyone in it. My rules are very basic but step kids will push every possible button they can find (you don't have unconditional love for a step child) it is a relationship that has to be worked at. So don't be too harsh on prospective step parents it's not an easy job.....Don't know if you noticed gary but I think cb did that after talking to you about your situation I decided that my 16 year old pregnant step daughter should move back in with us as over the last year she had been living away (signed herself into the care of the social services cause she said there wasn't enough freedom to do as she wanted in our house) she had proved that she could be trusted and deserved another go and she has grasped the opportunity with both hands. So I will say thanks to you garry for reminding me it wasn't that long ago I was being a sh1t and everybody deserves a second chance