dilemma re mum

[Lainie]

i have a dilemma about my mums health and not sure what to do. i know what i WANT to do but do i??

i didnt know till recently that people of a certain age have to do a "poo test" for detecting bowel cancer. my mum had never mentioned it to me.

i asked her today and she said she never did it and binned the kit!! i then asked her re mamogram test and she didnt go for that either.

now my sister, niece and i all had a go at her but she was adamant she "did not want to know"

i was in the process of fixing her file and just took it back to her today but had more stuff to file that she gave me.

i went into the health bit in the file and found the "poo test letter"
ive taken it home with me and i already have her doctors details.

do i contact them and get a new kit sent to me to take to her or do i leave it as she wants!!


ps if it was me, my sister or niece she would be telling us to go!!

[tshirtman]

Hows her health in general, is there anything to cause alarm, I'm only asking as she's seems determined not to have the tests, is there something worrying her,

you have probably already tried, but if it was me I would try emotional blackmail, like, "how bad do you think I would feel if anything happened to you, I would blame myself",
or "what would you say if I refused to have the test",

or you you could tell her "if your not having the tests, then neither will I when I'm due to have them"

If she has a good relationship with her GP, it maybe worthwhile you having a chat with him, he wont be breaking any confidentiality rules discussing your concerns.

regarding the test kit, it wont do any harm getting a new one, you never know she may change her mind when she realises your not going to let it drop,

just reassure her that what ever happens or decides she wont be on her own.

[Lainie]

thank you for replying.

she has diabetes and a heart murmer. she is 77 next week.

i tried that on sunday - what if something happened how would we feel etc but she just said well thats up to me. she has NEVER been in hospital overnight in her life.

she hadnt been to the doctor for 40 years until she took ill about 8 years ago. she was never off work a single day sick till my dad took cancer many years ago. even after he died she was back at work within a few weeks.

im not at the same surgery as her and dont know her doctor.

i just dont want her to be angry at me but im so concerned.

[Miklo]

Hey Lainie

Sounds like a generation thing, maybe too proud to go to the doctors for that?

You're concerned and only doing what a daughter would do though but, seems like she would just bin the next one as well.

It's easier giving than taking your own advice at times eh!

[Lainie]

hi miklo

id get the new kit sent to me not her home address.

its role reversal for us now

[Pricley]

I'd say if there is no reason for concern, bring it up once or twice more and if she still refuses leave her be.
If she's happy and cheerful at 77 tests like that could bring a whole lot of worry to her life, which I dont think you want to saddle her up with.

[jcgrumbles]

My mother in law lives in sheltered housing along with about fifty other residents and to be honest with you lainie its just that none of them want to go into hospital because they just think that they will never come out.Weve had to drag the old dear to her last three visits,and the time she had to stay overnight all hell broke loose.As long as your mams still got all her marbles and is capable of looking after herself just let her get on with it but i can certainly see your point of view.Maybe you could talk a mate of hers into doing the test with her it might help(a bottle of whisky works wonders )I hope it all works out for you...

[Miklo]

hi miklo

id get the new kit sent to me not her home address.

its role reversal for us now

Oh I know, just that you will have to hand it over to her, so she might just bin it again

[Hoppy01]

Has there been a lot of change at your local health centre by any chance.?
The reason am asking is that my local health centre seem obsessed in dragging perfectly healthy people off the street to go to clinics when there is nothing wrong with them, however when your ill getting an appointment is difficult and ive had a few run ins with the doctor aswell.
Last year a was in a crazy situation where a receptionist told me that if i didn't attend their asthma clinic then she would stop my repeat prescriptions, this was after the clinic said my asthma was fine and that the clinic was setup for people with problems handling their asthma.
So i had a situation where the clinic said i shouldn't attend but a receptionist threatening to stop my inhalers if i don't..

On my last visit to my doctor i had been battling a cold and chest infection for about a month and it wasn't lifting, so i went to my new doctor and she asked me "what do you think is wrong with you?".
A just sat there amazed and told her that a fix computers for a living and if you brought me yours and it was broken and i asked you "what do you think is wrong with it", you would probably think a was some kind of nutter..

A thought it was just me at first and then i noticed my Uncle who is 61 hasn't attended for some time either and he needs to attend.
So a asked him why he wasn't going and he told me that his regular doctor has left and the new ones are idiots that want to send him to different clinics all the time.
A understand what he means, a used to go to the docs once a year for a check up, he would say "everything is ok, see you next year", now they want to book me into the asthma clinic, hypertension clinic, the wonderful mystery tour clinic and any other one they can find every 3 months.

Am just wondering if your Mum has went recently and experienced something similar and thought, sod this il come and see you when i am unwell..
People don't like change and older people hate change, a ended up having to make my Uncle an appointment, drive to his house that day and take him to the docs..
A had to be firm with him which a hate as he is a guy that a have a lot of respect for and a felt like a was treating him like a baby..
A think your gonna have to have another sit down with her and do what tshirtman said, tell her that you are worried sick and that this test is bloody important.

[Lainie]

thank you for your input and good points

as far as i know shes not had anything like that.

she attends the doc/nurse for blood tests for her diabetes and she takes warfarin so that also gets checked regularly.

her best friend is 81 and also "binned" the test. her only son lives in coventry and im supposed to "tell him" if anything happens etc. ive not spoken to my aunt re this yet and dont know if i will.

its such a bloody dilemma and im losing sleep over it. i so want to follow my mums wishes but terrified something happens then i blame myself for not doing anything.

i have the girls coming over on sat night and will run it by them to see what they think.