As i watch helplessly the remnants of my marriage and family crumble before me, I cannot but despair in the loneliness of this place i call life. The darkness that has befallen me has consumed my very soul. It has sapped the very life from my weary body and mind. My tears are so painful but no one seems to see my pain. I gave my heart and soul to my wife and family but it wasn't enough...i am but a man and i can only do what i am able to do. I am not perfect and never tried to be...... i have always tried to be a good father and husband and when times were good I provided well for my family. Now that times are harsher I am not able to provide like I used to. I still love my family but i feel I am no longer of use as I cannot give them everything they want. So its come to this.....people are now treated as consumer goods.........throw them out if they are no good or use anymore.
The youth of today have assumed they are born with entitlements. These same entitlements we deemed luxury items when we grew up. Yet they don't wish to assume any responsibilities. The 'cotton wool' generation are not to be corrected or spoken sternly to. It would be mental abuse in doing so.
I no longer am allowed to have input in my children's life or education. I am to sit back and let them do as they wish. I hope the real world is going to treat them softly.Otherwise there is going to be a lot of anguish and confusion when this next generation assumes the ropes of industry and society.
I am with my one and only wife over eighteen years now and I have always loved her and only her. I never strayed from the vows I took at our marriage nor have I ever physically threatened or abused my wife or family. I never allowed violence nor have I ever hit or beat my children. I deem to have brought up my children with a good set of moral values. Some see this as a good way of life but some see it as old fashioned and domineering. I prefer to rear my family the way that i was reared.The way I know and the way that has worked for me in life. This however doesn't suit the modern ideals instilled in the 'entitled' generation.This same generation that cannot accept no for an answer and whose vastly acquired knowledge and experience somehow trumps all the years of living in the real world of their elders.
So what do I do? I haven't figured that one out yet but I am sure whatever it is it will be the wrong decision. I can only devote my time and effort into the younger children and try to give them a decent childhood. My marriage is not any longer and trying to salvage it would be a waste of time. When love is lost it is no longer in anyone's interest to prolong the inevitable. I will forever love my wife and she will always be mywife until death us do part. I don't feel the feeling is mutual however. I won't hold her in the bonds of marriage if she doesn't wish so but in my eyes she will always be the only woman i ever truly love, the woman I gave everything up for, the woman who has given me five beautiful children and the woman I want to grow old and grey with.
I am dying inside and my heart is truly broken. I feel no purpose in life anymore. I have called outand cried out for help but I feel my anguish and pain has fallen on deaf ears. Everyday is a battle for me. I am fighting a battle withmy mental health and physical health. I have suffered with the many
ghosts of my past that always lurked inthe darkest recesses of my mind. Always there to appear when I am at my most vulnerable. I have fought off these demons of my past time and time again but I can never get rid of them. They are a part of me and have manifested themselves in my physical being in the form of obesity. They feed on the stresses i endured and they weaken my soul and willpower more each day. I cannot fight this battle alone. I worked hard for many years trying to build up a business so my wife and family could live a comfortable and happy life. All that was torn away from me last June when my good name and business was destroyed through no fault of mine. I am now more or less unemployed. I have always worked in life. I cannot stand being idle. It eats away at my wellbeing and selfesteem.
So I stand alone on the edge of a cliff staring into the darkness below calling out and crying for help. No one hears and my voice is drowned out by the wind and the waves.
No one is coming to help. Those i thought would always be there through good times and bad and for richer or poorer have abandoned me as i don't fit into their life anymore. The only thing that keeps me from throwing myself off are my children. I still have some salvation in them. They need a father.They want a father. I can only offer them my unconditional love. I cannot bring myself to imagine how I am going to sleep in another house, alone, without them nearby. I cannot face Christmas
living away from them. I cannot face waking up to a cold empty house devoid of the ramblings and uproar of the young ones. My heart will ache forever for them.
So now I sit here typing my story in the hope that one day I can look back at it and say 'it's O.K.......it worked out in the end'. To what end though? My life will
never be the same...ever.
A tormented soul.
The youth of today have assumed they are born with entitlements. These same entitlements we deemed luxury items when we grew up. Yet they don't wish to assume any responsibilities. The 'cotton wool' generation are not to be corrected or spoken sternly to. It would be mental abuse in doing so.
I no longer am allowed to have input in my children's life or education. I am to sit back and let them do as they wish. I hope the real world is going to treat them softly.Otherwise there is going to be a lot of anguish and confusion when this next generation assumes the ropes of industry and society.
I am with my one and only wife over eighteen years now and I have always loved her and only her. I never strayed from the vows I took at our marriage nor have I ever physically threatened or abused my wife or family. I never allowed violence nor have I ever hit or beat my children. I deem to have brought up my children with a good set of moral values. Some see this as a good way of life but some see it as old fashioned and domineering. I prefer to rear my family the way that i was reared.The way I know and the way that has worked for me in life. This however doesn't suit the modern ideals instilled in the 'entitled' generation.This same generation that cannot accept no for an answer and whose vastly acquired knowledge and experience somehow trumps all the years of living in the real world of their elders.
So what do I do? I haven't figured that one out yet but I am sure whatever it is it will be the wrong decision. I can only devote my time and effort into the younger children and try to give them a decent childhood. My marriage is not any longer and trying to salvage it would be a waste of time. When love is lost it is no longer in anyone's interest to prolong the inevitable. I will forever love my wife and she will always be mywife until death us do part. I don't feel the feeling is mutual however. I won't hold her in the bonds of marriage if she doesn't wish so but in my eyes she will always be the only woman i ever truly love, the woman I gave everything up for, the woman who has given me five beautiful children and the woman I want to grow old and grey with.
I am dying inside and my heart is truly broken. I feel no purpose in life anymore. I have called outand cried out for help but I feel my anguish and pain has fallen on deaf ears. Everyday is a battle for me. I am fighting a battle withmy mental health and physical health. I have suffered with the many
ghosts of my past that always lurked inthe darkest recesses of my mind. Always there to appear when I am at my most vulnerable. I have fought off these demons of my past time and time again but I can never get rid of them. They are a part of me and have manifested themselves in my physical being in the form of obesity. They feed on the stresses i endured and they weaken my soul and willpower more each day. I cannot fight this battle alone. I worked hard for many years trying to build up a business so my wife and family could live a comfortable and happy life. All that was torn away from me last June when my good name and business was destroyed through no fault of mine. I am now more or less unemployed. I have always worked in life. I cannot stand being idle. It eats away at my wellbeing and selfesteem.
So I stand alone on the edge of a cliff staring into the darkness below calling out and crying for help. No one hears and my voice is drowned out by the wind and the waves.
No one is coming to help. Those i thought would always be there through good times and bad and for richer or poorer have abandoned me as i don't fit into their life anymore. The only thing that keeps me from throwing myself off are my children. I still have some salvation in them. They need a father.They want a father. I can only offer them my unconditional love. I cannot bring myself to imagine how I am going to sleep in another house, alone, without them nearby. I cannot face Christmas
living away from them. I cannot face waking up to a cold empty house devoid of the ramblings and uproar of the young ones. My heart will ache forever for them.
So now I sit here typing my story in the hope that one day I can look back at it and say 'it's O.K.......it worked out in the end'. To what end though? My life will
never be the same...ever.
A tormented soul.
) 
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