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  1. #31
    Top Poster + v8 dave's Avatar
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    I say, spread the wealth around as an inkling that some of the greedy manufacturers should lower their prices to make China clones unviable...

  2. #32
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    WHAT WOULD YOU DO OR SAY??

    Ok folks. So we have some guy is going to come in - got to be discrete with this one as looking at the Crystal Ball this only happens tomorrow.

    Fault:-

    Power assisted mud flaps only work for one mile when the vehicle is cold.
    After one mile the retract like the power is turned off. On close inspection
    you can see the heaters are still powered. (dull glow round the edges). When fails only the power assisted ashtray works - nothing else.

    The bloke *NEEDS* his car ASAP to go to work - going to leave us about two hours.

    Having never seen one on this type of car before decides to check DK - nothing - plough in. 25 Screws later got the control unit out. Whips top off unit - looks a power supply board another 16 screws later turns out it's the control circuit for the power assisted ashtary!

    Sees a nice SMD transister that looks like it's been warm (discoloured board). Decides in for a pinch - in for a pound.

    Looking at the board and is thinking

    Quote Originally Posted by del635 View Post
    I dont know how many chips Ive sucessfully removed with painstripper heatgun, never broke or burnt anything good
    So grabs the paintstripper and board and is thinking at the same time

    Quote Originally Posted by adam28 View Post
    I hold about 1 cm away, and works for me,but its each to there own. Dont hold on one spot for to long.
    But Z being crazy

    Quote Originally Posted by z786 View Post
    jus on 8pin smds at the moment, i had highest temp on and airflow on 4, but popped the ciricuit board
    So standing back with said paint stripper goes over the board and is pleased with the results - no damage yet.

    Put's paint stripper down and *BANG* looks down to see one of the capacitors has 'shed it's jacket' -oops.

    Picks up cup of tea off bench - spits out remains of the capacitor

    So puts the car together minus this control unit.

    Customer comes back what do you say:-

    1) Fcuked we owe you a new one.
    2) Looks like there is a faulty component in your unit sir.
    3) It's ~~~~ed you need a new one.


    Then the customer says

    Quote Originally Posted by CUSTOMER
    I reed thata on tha einteer-net. Capa-tat-or go bang-bang. Is that the inder seeeeat unit
    No mate it's the one out the boot

    Quote Originally Posted by CUSTOMER
    But on the einterr-net they say capa-tat-or
    in unit inder seeeat
    So why didn't the bloke say this when he dropped it off!

    So you think - oops wrong unit. Do you say:-

    1) I'll post about this here later http://www.digital-kaos.co.uk/forums...fu-k-up-66871/

    2) Well you can see a fault - there may be another fault yet sir

    3) Good possability your wallet will be lighter than you expected.


    WHAT WOULD YOU DO OR SAY??

    Was Banned For Being Certifiably Insane and Stupid

  3. #33
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    So for some odd reason phone rung at work the other day

    CALLER:- IS THAT 'MEAT-CITY-BODYWORKS'
    mhm:- No love, we do work for them, what's the ~~~~ got to do with you?
    CALLER:- MY CAR HAS BEEN WRITTEN OFF, NEED SOME BITS TAKING OUT
    mhm:- Yeah, no problems, name, number, car, reg, color etc
    CALLER:- BLAH, BLAH, BLAH
    mhm:- Yeah, we will take them bits out and skank anything we can
    CALLER:- HOW MUCH

    <thinks> logging off DK charge $20, travel $5, job $5, loggin on to DK charge $5

    mhm:- 1 hours labour to rip stuff out and ra*pe the car clean $35+VAT

    CALLER:- THAT'S EXTORTIONATE - FORGET IT - GET MY BOYFRIEND TO DO IT


    So you have callers details, car details the body shop is fairly close what do you do?

    1) Go to bodyshop - supply 'Motatof Cocktail'
    2) Ring customer back at 2am and call them coonts
    3) Ask bodyshop to park car in corner of yard, with 6 other writes off very close?

    WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

    Was Banned For Being Certifiably Insane and Stupid

  4. #34
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    I used to work for B&fuQyou c*ntstomer cervixes; it was my favourite past time to ring tw*tty c*ntstomers back at 3.30am after they'd given me a roasting on the phone.

    As for the car, well, snap off some bolts, break a few mounts, scratch a few bits, snip a few cables and hand it back with that warm inner glow that you only get when you've totally mugged a punter

  5. #35
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    Go to body shop after putting phone down armed with all details of car, caller. Strip everything of car you can thats is still usable, stick it in your store and sell it of at a later date, if the person that rang calls or calls in just deny it

  6. #36
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    So a few weeks ago was just booking a female customer in with a fault on her car, whilst trying to decide if it really was a cigerette burn on for forehead or what.

    She buggers off and as soon as she walked out the door, a vicious rumor AND the word on street stepped up to the desk.

    Word on street claimed that customer in question, had that fault on that car before, as they was going to scrap it THREE years ago. The vicious rumor and word on the street both confirmed the this fact, and the fact the car has been off the road for 3 years.

    So the car comes in, a few days later, faulty motor, that fault, that car, worth trying to repair it. Decides, not often the word on street or a rumor are wrong, sod them, have a new one. Told the customer, faulty motor, need new one.

    Rung German Swedish & Polish, next day to price part up.
    quoted customer happy, do you want it ordering, no we will get back to you.

    THREE WEEKS later, can you order that part, rung GSP - no sorry out of stock, you should have ordered it 3 weeks ago - told customer, not happy.

    Customer brings pre-enjoyed part in, drilled some holes, made it fit.

    two weeks later, customer rings up, no heating - is it our fault for fitting their pre-enjoyed motor?


    Just for reference this customer has been before, when they piss you off, you tend to remember charging $4.50+VAT for one Jubilee Clip.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    So 7 weeks ago, some bloke walks in. Do you want to sell any scrap batteries, no mate, give us a bussiness card, so we can call the cops if the scrap batteries disapear, then fcuk off.

    Bloke gets in his van, and drives off, no bussiness card. Fcuk him.

    Guy comes in yesterday, really snotty, what part of "no" did the guy not understand. Give us a bussiness card and fcuk off.

    Guy claims he left a card the other week, - no he didn't.

    Says he will pay $5.50 for any battery any size.

    1) he was short of the money

    2) no ticket to say they had been collected

    3) never came back with the extra money or ticket

    4) The company name does not exsit - know for a fact got it right
    he said it was "O.B.M. Recycling" - to remember i thought of
    member Obdmaster for OB - M - for Moron- Recycling that's the modern way!

    IF he comes again, what would you do?


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    So driving a customers car in, mis judge the length of hit - ram towbar of car in front - massive *CRACK* noise - looks at front grill, just a small hairline crack, hardly visable, would you

    a) Say to customer, we have ordered new - sorry?

    b) Say nothing?

    Was Banned For Being Certifiably Insane and Stupid

  7. #37
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    ffs M-H make a movie m8
    best script writer dk has ever known

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by maca58 View Post
    ffs M-H make a movie m8
    best script writer dk has ever known
    No, not script, a day in the life at Meat-Head-Motors.

    Would you have tried to repair the faulty motor?

    Just nice to know what other members would do that's all

    Was Banned For Being Certifiably Insane and Stupid

  9. #39
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    would i fix it like ~~~~ i would too many people want the world for nothing these days.

  10. #40
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    So, a car comes in, say a shitty Reno, customer is a one eyed Polish Mechanic. You know instantly it's the sideward facing foo-foo valve
    you also know, but really can't be bothered they are VERY VERY expensive, but rumor has it, but as a member of DK, shares the fact they can be reset, cleaned ready to re-use.

    Word on street clearly states that the last one - just before Christmas
    cost $90+VAT to be done.

    So you punch in a popular internet aution site, the numbers, and bingo
    one pops up, complete, reset, outright unit, to go. $81.99 delivered

    So you call the number on the webpage, to hear a well spoken, gentle voicemail that says

    Quote Originally Posted by obdmaster;
    Thank you for calling OBDMASTER MOTORS all of our technicans are busy right now, please leave your name and number after the beep, have a shitty day .

    Do you:-

    1) Leave a garbled message - like you did the other week
    2) Hang up.

    So you call back, and the guy answers the phone
    "OBDMASTER MOTORS how can I help" So you say, hi there
    it's <FICTITIOUS NAME> calling from <FICTITIOUS COMPANY, FICTITIOUS LOCATION> we would like to buy your item off the internet please, we have somebody elses credit card number to hand.

    Only to be told, "We don't take cards, cash only, pal", stick some cash
    in the post, pal.

    Do you then say, look pal, your actually dealing with Meat-Head-Motors.co.uk here, pal, VIP MEMBER, pal.

    Or do you just say "We will stick a cheque in the post, send out item, when it's cleared.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    So, this cnustomer comes in, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY POMPUS, STUCK UP TOSSER. You know full well as it only has 200 miles on the
    clock, you can't stick a bar of soap in the diesel tank, like you normally do, nor can you piss in his tank.

    You seem to have ran out of valve grinding paste, to stick his dipstick in.

    You end up dropping the dick off in town, how do you 'take out' some life off his car.

    'Riding the clutch' with a handbrake on, is not an option with electric handbrake, but riding the clutch to 3 miles back to the workshop, in 5th gear is.

    What do you do?

    Was Banned For Being Certifiably Insane and Stupid

  11. #41
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    ride it baby - ride it good & ard!!!
    DK- The Bogs Dollocks!!!
    NEVER SAY IT CANT BE DONE!!
    The thanks button works wonders!!
    DONT SEND ME PM'S ASKING FOR OTHER MEMBERS WORK OR PASSWORDS

  12. #42
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    with the "We don't take cards, cash only, pal"
    Ask HTF they can have a webshop and not take cards for payment, call him a dick head and slam the phone down

    with the REALLY, REALLY, REALLY POMPUS, STUCK UP TOSSER, not only ride the clutch but drive it real hard in a low gear and laugh ya tits off at the engine bouncing off the rev limiter

  13. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Liteace View Post
    with the "We don't take cards, cash only, pal"
    Ask HTF they can have a webshop and not take cards for payment, call him a dick head and slam the phone down
    1) what is HTF?
    2) you CAN'T say that about member Obdmaster

    Was Banned For Being Certifiably Insane and Stupid

  14. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Meat-Head View Post
    1) what is HTF?
    2) you CAN'T say that about member Obdmaster
    Its the same as WTF with a how, oh no, no you cant your right

  15. #45
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    well you can but dont say it in a nasty way, you can just say:

    "you dick head"

    as opposed to:

    "YOU DICK HEAD"

 

 
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