A woman turns to her fella and says, 'Say something that will make me happy, mad and sad at the same time.' He thinks about it for a bit and then says, 'Well...you've got a tighter pussy than your baby sister!.'
It's funny how women change.
I never really noticed it until I set up my webcam in Topshop.
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I love A-level results day.
Thousands of drunken 18-year-old girls staggering round the city centre who've already had their self-esteem destroyed.
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My wife said that she's going to leave me.
But before she does, she is going to make sure that my bank balance is ?0.
That's nice of her, paying off my overdraft.
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I was approached by a member of Greenpeace in the street the other day and he told me that if I don't donate ?2 a month then people in Africa will die.
I cant believe Greenpeace employ such violent people.
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I wish Sky would move Babestation and the other lads programmes to a different range of channels.
The 9 key on my Sky remote control is fading, and my wife is growing suspicious.
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I got invited on the Jeremy Kyle show, to prove I wasn't the notorious thief my family made me out to be.
I took a lie detector test - and got 50 quid for it at my local Cash Converters.
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Just given my Nan a cream-pie.
And this proves that ~~~~ has damaged your mind forever.
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I spent 3 hours watching Big Brother last night, thinking all that fat lazy ****er has done is lay on the sofa scratching his balls and moaning.
Then I realised the TV wasn't even on... and it was just the reflection off the screen.
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BBC News: Dragons' Den star James Caan has called on people to donate more aid for the victims of Pakistan's floods.
An interesting pitch, James, but I'm not sure I'm ever going to see a return on my investment, so I wish you the best of luck with it, but... I'm OUT.
It's funny how women change.
I never really noticed it until I set up my webcam in Topshop.
-
I love A-level results day.
Thousands of drunken 18-year-old girls staggering round the city centre who've already had their self-esteem destroyed.
-
My wife said that she's going to leave me.
But before she does, she is going to make sure that my bank balance is ?0.
That's nice of her, paying off my overdraft.
-
I was approached by a member of Greenpeace in the street the other day and he told me that if I don't donate ?2 a month then people in Africa will die.
I cant believe Greenpeace employ such violent people.
-
I wish Sky would move Babestation and the other lads programmes to a different range of channels.
The 9 key on my Sky remote control is fading, and my wife is growing suspicious.
-
I got invited on the Jeremy Kyle show, to prove I wasn't the notorious thief my family made me out to be.
I took a lie detector test - and got 50 quid for it at my local Cash Converters.
-
Just given my Nan a cream-pie.
And this proves that ~~~~ has damaged your mind forever.
-
I spent 3 hours watching Big Brother last night, thinking all that fat lazy ****er has done is lay on the sofa scratching his balls and moaning.
Then I realised the TV wasn't even on... and it was just the reflection off the screen.
-
BBC News: Dragons' Den star James Caan has called on people to donate more aid for the victims of Pakistan's floods.
An interesting pitch, James, but I'm not sure I'm ever going to see a return on my investment, so I wish you the best of luck with it, but... I'm OUT.
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