more crap jokesI just got off the phone to Sea World. My call was recorded for traini

[bobfrapples]

I just got off the phone to Sea World.
My call was recorded for training porpoises.

Q. Did you hear about the man who read Osteopathy Magazine for 20 years?
A. He had lots of back issues.

I've been interrogating the dog for two solid hours.
He still won't tell me who's a good boy.

I've just picked up an injury doing an impression of a tea bag.
I knew I shouldn't have strained myself.

I wanted to sue an airline after they damaged my luggage, so I showed the badly damaged remains to my lawyer.
His advice: "You don't have much of a case"

Did you hear about the guy who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was pulled in by a strong currant.

I've been reading some statistics on the most common way people walk when drunk.
It's staggering.

A mate of mine bought a 2 litre bottle of Tipp-Ex.
Big mistake.


Apparently a lot of sniffer dogs are vanishing into thin air.
Police say they have several leads.


My mate Dave drowned. At the funeral I got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt.
Well, it's what he would have wanted.


My friend is going to a fancy dress party as a Rastafarian tonight.
She's asked me to do her hair. I'm dreading it.


My young nephew said to me: "Uncle, what's your favourite teletubby?"
I said: "A 42 inch high definition screen you cheeky little bastard."

[patkins]

Few Quickies.

how do you define adultery?
putting yourself in someone else's position.

A history teacher asks a class full of kids 'What was
Churchill famous for?'
A kid at the back shouts out 'He was the last white man to be called Winston!'
Did you hear about the look-a-like competition in China ?
Everybody won.


What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?
About 2.3 pounds including the urn.
Was so depressed last night that
I rang the Samaritans.
Got through to a call centre in Pakistan ..
Told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a
plane......