Dont Fart in Bed

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  • aftermath
    V.I.P. Member
    • Mar 2008
    • 4345

    #1

    Dont Fart in Bed

    This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.

    The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

    Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

    The years went by and he continued to blast them out.

    Then, one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards, neck, gizzard, liver, and all the spare parts ? and a malicious thought came to her.

    She took the bowl and went up stairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

    Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting, which was followed by a blood-curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

    The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!

    After years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

    About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

    He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."

    "What do you mean?" asked his wife.

    "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.

    But, by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in...
  • Bulld0g
    V.I.P. Member
    • Apr 2008
    • 7158

    #2
    Hahaha good one m8

    THE TRUTH
    The Hillsborough Independent Panel. 12/09/12

    Today's report is black and white.The Liverpool fans were not the cause of the disaster.
    The panel has quite simply found 'no evidence' in support of allegations of 'exceptional levels of drunkenness, ticketlessness or violence among Liverpool fans' and 'no evidence that fans had conspired to arrive late at the stadium' and 'no evidence that they stole from the dead and dying'.

    Comment

    • gmb45

      #3
      Originally posted by aftermath
      This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.

      The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

      Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

      The years went by and he continued to blast them out.

      Then, one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards, neck, gizzard, liver, and all the spare parts ? and a malicious thought came to her.

      She took the bowl and went up stairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

      Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting, which was followed by a blood-curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

      The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!

      After years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

      About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

      He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."

      "What do you mean?" asked his wife.

      "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.

      But, by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in...
      good 1

      Comment

      • andy4
        V.I.P. Member
        • Apr 2008
        • 1125

        #4
        is this coming from experience m8 coz you cudn't make that up
        good1
        WIGAN ATH the BLUE BRAZILIANS
        DWSTADIUM the theatre of SCREAMS


        <<<<--------if i've been helpful hit the Thanks button

        Comment

        • melloned
          DK Veteran
          • Nov 2008
          • 1215

          #5
          I'm a bit like that most of the time , never mind in the morning !.
          Nice one Mate

          Comment

          • billyboyblue
            Junior Member
            • Dec 2008
            • 30

            #6
            excellent!
            very funny

            Comment

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