few more jokes
The human body has 7 trillion nerves.
My wife manages to get on every f-----g one of them!
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My missus asked me to help her stop sucking her thumb, so I drew a cock
on it
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I fitted strobe lights in the bedroom.
They're brilliant.
It makes the wife look like she's actually moving during sex...
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My wife said that she was leaving me because I always exaggerate.
I was so shocked I almost tripped over my cock.
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I went to the doctor's surgery the other day and found out that my new
doctor is young female and drop dead gorgeous.
I was embarrassed, but she said, "Don't worry, I am a professional -
I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll check it
out.
I said, "Well doc I am here because my wife thinks that my dick tastes funny"
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I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message claiming that she loves anal.
Dyslexic bitch , it turns out that she loves Alan, my best mate......
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A bloke is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and
suddenly yells, "Don't enter that church, you daft c**t !!!"
His wife asks him, "What are you watching?"
Husband replies, "Our bloody wedding video"
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Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.
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Essex girl in bed with her boyfriend says, "How dare you call me a slapper. Get out of my bed right now and take your mates with you!"
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Life is like a penis. Soft and hanging freely. It's women that make it hard
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I was getting chatted up by a bird last night. She said, "Have you got a nickname?"
"Yes" I said, "They call me Sledge" "OH... Is that because you are sleek and fast?" she giggled "No...... It's because I get pulled by dogs!"
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Just seen a Dyslexic Yorkshireman wearing a cat flap!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The 200 Polish fans arrested after yesterday's game have been found guilty of violent disorder and been deported back to England .
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The wife and I were lying in bed this morning when she said, "I think the romance in this relationship is dead" I wish she wouldn't talk to me while I'm having a self abuse.
My wife manages to get on every f-----g one of them!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My missus asked me to help her stop sucking her thumb, so I drew a cock
on it
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I fitted strobe lights in the bedroom.
They're brilliant.
It makes the wife look like she's actually moving during sex...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife said that she was leaving me because I always exaggerate.
I was so shocked I almost tripped over my cock.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to the doctor's surgery the other day and found out that my new
doctor is young female and drop dead gorgeous.
I was embarrassed, but she said, "Don't worry, I am a professional -
I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll check it
out.
I said, "Well doc I am here because my wife thinks that my dick tastes funny"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message claiming that she loves anal.
Dyslexic bitch , it turns out that she loves Alan, my best mate......
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A bloke is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and
suddenly yells, "Don't enter that church, you daft c**t !!!"
His wife asks him, "What are you watching?"
Husband replies, "Our bloody wedding video"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Essex girl in bed with her boyfriend says, "How dare you call me a slapper. Get out of my bed right now and take your mates with you!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Life is like a penis. Soft and hanging freely. It's women that make it hard
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was getting chatted up by a bird last night. She said, "Have you got a nickname?"
"Yes" I said, "They call me Sledge" "OH... Is that because you are sleek and fast?" she giggled "No...... It's because I get pulled by dogs!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just seen a Dyslexic Yorkshireman wearing a cat flap!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The 200 Polish fans arrested after yesterday's game have been found guilty of violent disorder and been deported back to England .
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The wife and I were lying in bed this morning when she said, "I think the romance in this relationship is dead" I wish she wouldn't talk to me while I'm having a self abuse.