What do you call a dwarf that falls into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man
Why wasn't Jesus born in Glasgow ?
They couldn't find a virgin or three wise men.
What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe ?
Wee Shooey.
What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe and can't find his dog ?
Wee Shooey Douglas.
A guy walks into a GP's surgery.
"Doctor , Doctor! He cries , "you've got to help me, I feel like I'm turning into coconut"
Says the doctor, "You're bountae "
What did Dracula get when he came to Glasgow ?
A bat in the mouth.
There were three coos in a field. Which wan wis oan its hoalidays ?
The wan wi a wee calf.
What do you call an illegitimate insect ?
A fly bastart.
Hear about the lonely prisoner ?
He was in his cell.
What famous costume drama TV series of the 1970's was named after a queue for the toilet ?
The Aw Needin Line.
The man in the clothes shop insisting on a maroon jacket.
"Fur ma roon shooders"
Hear about the stupit skindiver?
He didny have a scuba.
Did you hear about the London criminal who fell foul of the Glasgow Mafia?
Apparently they made him an offer he couldn't understand.
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a social worker ?
Ye can get yer wean back aff a Rottweiler
What do you call a Glasgow Sikh who enjoys karaoke ?
Gupty Singh
A wee hard man
Why wasn't Jesus born in Glasgow ?
They couldn't find a virgin or three wise men.
What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe ?
Wee Shooey.
What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe and can't find his dog ?
Wee Shooey Douglas.
A guy walks into a GP's surgery.
"Doctor , Doctor! He cries , "you've got to help me, I feel like I'm turning into coconut"
Says the doctor, "You're bountae "
What did Dracula get when he came to Glasgow ?
A bat in the mouth.
There were three coos in a field. Which wan wis oan its hoalidays ?
The wan wi a wee calf.
What do you call an illegitimate insect ?
A fly bastart.
Hear about the lonely prisoner ?
He was in his cell.
What famous costume drama TV series of the 1970's was named after a queue for the toilet ?
The Aw Needin Line.
The man in the clothes shop insisting on a maroon jacket.
"Fur ma roon shooders"
Hear about the stupit skindiver?
He didny have a scuba.
Did you hear about the London criminal who fell foul of the Glasgow Mafia?
Apparently they made him an offer he couldn't understand.
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a social worker ?
Ye can get yer wean back aff a Rottweiler
What do you call a Glasgow Sikh who enjoys karaoke ?
Gupty Singh
watch put andy cameron 
yer jobs @ risk !
FOLLOW FOLLOW 
we knew wot ur saying
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