AIRLINE TERMINOLOGY
As you are all aware, the airline industry has it's own unique set of
terminology. The following are some of the most commonly used terms and
their definitions.
PASSENGER
=========
A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually found in
pairs or small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in
simple and easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused
these creatures collect into a group called a "queue". This "queue"
has no set pattern and is usually formed in inconvenient places.
Passengers are of four known species: Paxus iratus, Paxus latus,
Paxus inebriatus, & Paxus ignoramus.
PRE-BOARD
=========
Passenger who arrives at the gate five minutes before departure time.
VOLUNTARY OVERSALE
==================
A passenger who arrives at the gate as the air-bridge is coming off the
flight.
NO-RECORD
=========
Any passenger booked through a travel agency.
NON-REVENUE POSITION
====================
Usually can be identified by the fact that these passengers are in
first class and are dressed in pilot or flight attendant uniforms.
Non-revenue positions are permitted to fly first class free of charge
to prevent revenue passengers from being able to pay first class
passenger charges.
GROUP
=====
A large loud pack of passengers (see passenger) travelling together.
The group leader, who has the tickets, usually waits in the bar
until the required pre-board time of five minutes before departure,
or until there are no seats left together, whichever occurs last.
Reservation agents are prohibited from pre-assigning seats to groups
as this may convenience them.
SIGN
====
An airport decoration. Usually unnoticed except by small children.
Its primary function is to hide the location of various areas of the
airport, i.e., gate numbers, rest rooms, baggage claim, etc.
POSITION CLOSED
===============
This is a sign posted at various counter locations, which when
interpreted by the passenger says, "Form queue here."
BAGGAGE CLAIM
=============
The most difficult area of the airport to find. It is usually hidden
by numerous signs saying, "Baggage Claim Area."
CARRY ON BAG
============
An item, usually of large dimensions, which somehow managed to fit
under the passenger's seat on the inbound flight. Regardless of what
the passenger says the following are not acceptable as carry-on
items: bicycles, steamer trunks, refrigerators, truck tires, or wide
screen projection TVs.
FLIGHT SCHEDULE
===============
An entertaining work of paperback fiction.
ON-TIME
=======
An obscure term, meaning unknown.
FOG
===
A natural weather phenomenon which usually occurs around an airport
while the surrounding areas are clear. Fog is controlled by the
airlines and is used to delay flights.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL
===================
A game played by airline pilots and air traffic controllers. The
game has no rules, and neither side knows how it is played, but the
goal is to prevent flights from arriving in time for passengers to
make connecting flights.
TICKET AGENT
============
A superhuman with the patience of a saint, the herding ability of an
Australian sheepdog, the E.S.P. abilities of Uri Geller, the
compassion of a psychoanalyst, and and the tact of a diplomat. They
have mysterious abilities to control wind/rain/snow/fog and all
other weather phenomenon. They are capable of answering three
questions at one time, while talking on the phone, and without
stuttering or choking on their tongue. In later life they may be
found on park benches carrying on mysterious conversations with
themselves.
terminology. The following are some of the most commonly used terms and
their definitions.
PASSENGER
=========
A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually found in
pairs or small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in
simple and easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused
these creatures collect into a group called a "queue". This "queue"
has no set pattern and is usually formed in inconvenient places.
Passengers are of four known species: Paxus iratus, Paxus latus,
Paxus inebriatus, & Paxus ignoramus.
PRE-BOARD
=========
Passenger who arrives at the gate five minutes before departure time.
VOLUNTARY OVERSALE
==================
A passenger who arrives at the gate as the air-bridge is coming off the
flight.
NO-RECORD
=========
Any passenger booked through a travel agency.
NON-REVENUE POSITION
====================
Usually can be identified by the fact that these passengers are in
first class and are dressed in pilot or flight attendant uniforms.
Non-revenue positions are permitted to fly first class free of charge
to prevent revenue passengers from being able to pay first class
passenger charges.
GROUP
=====
A large loud pack of passengers (see passenger) travelling together.
The group leader, who has the tickets, usually waits in the bar
until the required pre-board time of five minutes before departure,
or until there are no seats left together, whichever occurs last.
Reservation agents are prohibited from pre-assigning seats to groups
as this may convenience them.
SIGN
====
An airport decoration. Usually unnoticed except by small children.
Its primary function is to hide the location of various areas of the
airport, i.e., gate numbers, rest rooms, baggage claim, etc.
POSITION CLOSED
===============
This is a sign posted at various counter locations, which when
interpreted by the passenger says, "Form queue here."
BAGGAGE CLAIM
=============
The most difficult area of the airport to find. It is usually hidden
by numerous signs saying, "Baggage Claim Area."
CARRY ON BAG
============
An item, usually of large dimensions, which somehow managed to fit
under the passenger's seat on the inbound flight. Regardless of what
the passenger says the following are not acceptable as carry-on
items: bicycles, steamer trunks, refrigerators, truck tires, or wide
screen projection TVs.
FLIGHT SCHEDULE
===============
An entertaining work of paperback fiction.
ON-TIME
=======
An obscure term, meaning unknown.
FOG
===
A natural weather phenomenon which usually occurs around an airport
while the surrounding areas are clear. Fog is controlled by the
airlines and is used to delay flights.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL
===================
A game played by airline pilots and air traffic controllers. The
game has no rules, and neither side knows how it is played, but the
goal is to prevent flights from arriving in time for passengers to
make connecting flights.
TICKET AGENT
============
A superhuman with the patience of a saint, the herding ability of an
Australian sheepdog, the E.S.P. abilities of Uri Geller, the
compassion of a psychoanalyst, and and the tact of a diplomat. They
have mysterious abilities to control wind/rain/snow/fog and all
other weather phenomenon. They are capable of answering three
questions at one time, while talking on the phone, and without
stuttering or choking on their tongue. In later life they may be
found on park benches carrying on mysterious conversations with
themselves.
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