OFFICIAL MANCHESTER UNITED PLC SUPPORTERS QUESTIONNAIRE

[bvilleuk]

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*** OFFICIAL MANCHESTER UNITED PLC SUPPORTERS QUESTIONNAIRE ***
*** WE WANT TO ENSURE THAT ALL OF OUR FANS GET SERVICED BY THE CLUB ***
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SECTION ONE - ABOUT YOU

United Membership Number : __________________
This number can be found on back of Official United Megastore Club card,
probably blu-tacked to your headboard, underneath pictures of Lee Sharpe
and Pamela Anderson. You don't have a girlfriend do you? Thought so.

Cost of membership? L_____
How much are you prepared to pay next season? L_____
Even if it doesn't guarantee you any tickets for any of the games? ___
Sorry, I forgot. You get free admission to United reserves games. In
Bury. And a badge. Bargain.

Your Preferred United Kickoff Time: Sunday 4pm / Monday 8pm

Your home town: London / Basildon / St Ives / Manchester (like really)

Your big match seat: Sofa / Armchair / In bed (with Giggsy bedspread)

Your view: Biased / Blocked (picture of Eric) / Blocked (beer belly)

Have you ever considered going to Old Trafford? ___

Where were *YOU* when United were shit?
TICK all of the teams that you've supported over the past five years:
Blackburn Rovers ___ Leeds United ___ Arsenal ___
TICK all of the teams you'll be supporting next year?
Newcastle United ___ Glasgow Rangers ___

Number of your mates who now support United? ____________________
Number of Mancunians (if any): _
Number claiming to be lifelong United fans? ____________________

SECTION TWO - UNITED FACTS AND FIGURES 1995/96 SEASON
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Number of punches thrown by Cole, Keane and Butt? _____

Number of times Cole, Keane and Butt told ref to F**K OFF? _____

Define, in your own words, the meaning of the phrase "role model".

Number of yellow cards United got? _____

Number of red cards United got? _____

Number of disciplinary points accumulated this year? _____

Take time to express your true feelings of pride at these statistics.
In fact why not set up your own internet page just to broadcast the
fact. And while you're about it. let's hear why Eric shouldn't have been
kicked out of football again...




SECTION THREE - THE FOOTBALLING ESTABLISHMENT
---------------------------------------------
1. Number of decisions that go Uniteds' way when they're losing? ___

2. Number of incorrect and blatantly biased decisions? ___

Does Total 2 minus Total 1 equal zero? It does? Thought so.
Now define the word "cheat". Extra marks for using the word "bribery".

Tick HERE ____ for your very own personalised copy of the
Official Salford Refereeing Alliance Handbook
SAMPLE:
If United are losing, how many minutes does "injury time" last?
CIRCLE 1 2 3 7 25 120 9538

Just why do BSkyB TV host, update and sponsor the United WWW page?
Just why do the BBC hold shares in Manchester United PLC?
Just explain the concept of fair and unbiased football coverage. Go on.


SECTION FOUR - UNITED IN THE FUTURE
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PLAYER OF THE SEASON

Eric Cantona ___ (does your mum starch your collar before you go out to
play in the local park? Do people laugh? Thought so.)
Nicky Butt ___ (even if he's been suspended for half the season)
The Referees ___ (get United more goals than Cole and at half the
price)
Bryan Robson ___ (as you probably don't know that name of anyone else
who plays for United)

THE TRANSFER MARKET

Name the next player rumoured to be "on his way to Old Trafford"
(speculate as much as you like, Ferguson won't be buying anyone).

Name the next youth player you'd like to see approached by United. What
underhand, illegal tactics and incentives should be employed this time?

Now, amaze all your friends by turning Sheep Shit into King in just ONE
season with "The Cross Pennines Transfer Request" kit. Truly
astounding!
Available at your local United Megastore and endorsed by Howard
Wilkinson.

UNITED COLOURS OF MANCHESTER

What colour would you like next seasons kits to be???
Home kit:
Away kit:
Second Away kit:
Sunday Afternoon kit:
Monday Evening Exclusively Sponsored by Ford and Sky WWW page kit:
Midweek Print-your-own-Money European Super League kit:





Do you intend buying them all? You do? Thought so.


SECTION FIVE - THE QUIZ ON MANCHESTERs FAVOURITE SON - ANDY COLE
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1. How much did Andy cost? L__,___,___,___,___,___,___,___,___.00p

2. How much? You must be joking???

3. Number of shots Andy had during the season??? ___

4. Number of Andy's shots that hit the bar? ___

5. Number of Andy's shots that hit the post? ___

6. Number of Andy's shots that hit the corner flag? ___

7. Number of Andy's shots that hit the keeper? ___

8. Number of Andy's shots that hit the roof (of the stadium)? ___

9. Number of Andy's shots that hit the bar (of the nearest pub)? ___

Now add up the totals for questions 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9.
They should add up to the total for question 3. They do? Thought so.

Which ONE of the following DID Andy Cole manage to hit this season?
Back of the Net ___ Decent Cross ___ Barn Door ___ Opponent ___

BSkyB's best excuse for Andy Cole missing an open goal this year???

Please return this completed questionnaire to Old Trafford togther
with your large as possible donation.

Thank You.

[Toilet sniffer V]

You missed off.
No. of goals Andy Cole scored
No. of trophies Cantona and Cole won
No. of trophies you've seen United win
No. of trophies you've seen City win
No. of Premier League titles you've seen Liverpool win
When will Liverpool win the league? This year (if still in the first half of the season. Next year. (if in the second half of the season).
Who are considered the "team to beat"
Who has the best Manager in the Premiership.

[aftermath]

must be at least 10 year old that one

[sgerrard]

You missed off.
No. of goals Andy Cole scored
No. of trophies Cantona and Cole won
No. of trophies you've seen United win
No. of trophies you've seen City win
No. of Premier League titles you've seen Liverpool win
When will Liverpool win the league? This year (if still in the first half of the season. Next year. (if in the second half of the season).
Who are considered the "team to beat"
Who has the best Manager in the Premiership.

you missed off:

number of league titles we have...and how it has taken united two decades to even equal our total....not pass it

the number of champions leagues we have won

the fact we have the "real" trophy in our stadium, for keeps, not replica's

how many league cups we have won....still our record

how many super cups we have won...

worst fact of all is, that this is our history, and our future is just begining....good luck united.

[Toilet sniffer V]

you missed off:

number of league titles we have...and how it has taken united two decades to even equal our total....not pass it

the number of champions leagues we have won

the fact we have the "real" trophy in our stadium, for keeps, not replica's

how many league cups we have won....still our record

how many super cups we have won...

worst fact of all is, that this is our history, and our future is just begining....good luck united.

When we won our first Premiership and United's 8th league title, there was a banner when we played against Liverpool saying "Ooh Aah Cantona, come back when you've got 18". Well we've got 18 now and Liverpool are still on 18. When you were 18-7 ahead, did you think that we'd get to 19 before you? Yes we had 26 years in between league titles, Liverpool are at 19/20 now.

Why is Liverpool's future just beginning? Let me guess, it's your year this year. I've heard that every year since you last won it.

5 European Cups. I'll be honest I wish we had 5 but when you look at how you won the early ones, getting byes in certain games and not playing any good teams it's no wonder. Plenty of English teams won the European Cup in the 70's and 80's. The difficult bit was winning the league in the first place to qualify. Which was something Liverpool seemed to be able to do at will. Then they abolished the back pass rule and United took over.

League Cups - don't count. If you were told that your aim was to win the League Cup each year you'd want the manager sacked. It's league titles and European Cups that count. We've won more FA Cups than Liverpool but I don't count them either.

Good luck Liverpool, you'll need it.

[Bulld0g]

5 European Cups. I'll be honest I wish we had 5 but when you look at how you won the early ones, getting byes in certain games and not playing any good teams it's no wonder. Plenty of English teams won the European Cup in the 70's and 80's.

Plenty of English teams would mean Three i take it. Not playing any good teams like Real Madrid, Gladbach who at the time were a top team and Roma in their own back garden. Yea all shite i agree Pretty hollow argument that you must admit

[ruudvandan]

Plenty of English teams would mean Three i take it. Not playing any good teams like Real Madrid, Gladbach who at the time were a top team and Roma in their own back garden. Yea all shite i agree Pretty hollow argument that you must admit

In those days the European Cup was nothing like the Champions League now with only 4-5 good teams in it, one from each of the top leagues. The UEFA Cup was much harder because there were 3 teams from each of the top leagues.

you missed off:

number of league titles we have...and how it has taken united two decades to even equal our total....not pass it

the number of champions leagues we have won

the fact we have the "real" trophy in our stadium, for keeps, not replica's

how many league cups we have won....still our record

how many super cups we have won...

worst fact of all is, that this is our history, and our future is just begining....good luck united.

United hold the record for the most FA Cups... still our record. Back in the day the FA Cup was the most prestigious trophy in English football. The league only became such a big thing for United because they hadn't won it for so long, and then since the Premiership came in, TV money transformed the league into the most prestigious trophy, which United have dominated.

[Toilet sniffer V]

Plenty of English teams would mean Three i take it. Not playing any good teams like Real Madrid, Gladbach who at the time were a top team and Roma in their own back garden. Yea all shite i agree Pretty hollow argument that you must admit

In fairness, your lot were so good at winning the league that not many other teams got the chance. But when they did, Forest won it twice and Villa also won it. Sometimes you played strong opposition, I'm happy to admit that but Malmo don't count, neither does the bye that you got in one round.

At least we don't say that the ref's were bribed to let you win.

[Bulld0g]

In those days the European Cup was nothing like the Champions League now with only 4-5 good teams in it, one from each of the top leagues. The UEFA Cup was much harder because there were 3 teams from each of the top leagues.

Is that why we won it Four times , because it was easy ? How many times did you win it in the 70's and 80's ? We also won the by far the hardest cup Twice in that period. We probably would have won it more only we had to play in a lesser competition known as The Champions cup.

United hold the record for the most FA Cups... still our record. Back in the day the FA Cup was the most prestigious trophy in English football. The league only became such a big thing for United because they hadn't won it for so long, and then since the Premiership came in, TV money transformed the league into the most prestigious trophy, which United have dominated.

Are you seriously saying there was more prestige in winning the Fa cup than the Football League ? The premier league started in 92 utd sold out in the fa cup in 2000 to make lots of money in Brazil. So when did the fa cup stop becoming the most prestigious ? Eight years after you first won the prem or when the big money was there to be grabbed.Utd sold out the FA cup to make lots of money in Brazil. That my friend was when the Fa cup lost it's glamour and prestige.

[Toilet sniffer V]

Is that why we won it Four times , because it was easy ? How many times did you win it in the 70's and 80's ? We also won the by far the hardest cup Twice in that period. We probably would have won it more only we had to play in a lesser competition known as The Champions cup.

Are you seriously saying there was more prestige in winning the Fa cup than the Football League ? The premier league started in 92 utd sold out in the fa cup in 2000 to make lots of money in Brazil. So when did the fa cup stop becoming the most prestigious ? Eight years after you first won the prem or when the big money was there to be grabbed.Utd sold out the FA cup to make lots of money in Brazil. That my friend was when the Fa cup lost it's glamour and prestige.

European Cup>League Title>FA Cup>League Cup.
I'd gladly swap 5 FA Cups for an extra league or European Cup tbh.

For the record, we didn't sell out in 2000 for the money. We were asked to withdraw to enter the World Club because it was Blatter's love child and we were told not going would harm England's chances of hosting the World Cup - that South Africa eventually got. So we went and were accused of devaluing the cup. Had we not gone we'd have been accused of undermining the world cup bid. We were in a no win situation. I'm sure the players and fans as well as the manager and board would have loved to have tried to retain the treble but that would have been selfish apparently. It really pisses me off how people very quickly forgot what really happened and just blamed us.

[Bulld0g]

So you believe Fergusson gave a flying one for Englands world cup hosting hopes Make no mistake forget about the official line . Everyone knows the real reason for pulling out of the FA cup. Money talks the fa cup diesn't.

[Toilet sniffer V]

So you believe Fergusson gave a flying one for Englands world cup hosting hopes Make no mistake forget about the official line . Everyone knows the real reason for pulling out of the FA cup. Money talks the fa cup diesn't.

Do you accept that it was the FA who instigated this?

[Bulld0g]

They may have instigated it but if Utd weren't going to make a lot of money they would have flatly refused to withdraw.

[Toilet sniffer V]

They may have instigated it but if Utd weren't going to make a lot of money they would have flatly refused to withdraw.

So we agree, the FA asked us to withdraw. I'm not so sure a tournament abroad for a few games was worth more than a good FA Cup run with some home ties but nevertheless, we did it because the FA asked.
Had we refused, we'd now be being blamed for South Africa getting the world cup.

[Bulld0g]

You honestly believe Fergusson does what the fa wants ? Then carry on posting here because it's the comedy section