Pirate Jokes

[ruudvandan]

How much did the Pirate pay to get his ear pierced:

A buck an ear!

HAHAAAAAAAARRRR!

[ruudvandan]

who did he pirate have a crush on?

CindAAARRRella!

[ruudvandan]

What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got trapped in the freezer?

Shiver me Timbers!

[stuckylad]

i know a good shrink m8

[DJSimo]

Five pirates and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
Each pirate will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next pirate in line will marry her and so on.
All the pirates get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different pirate each week.
The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies...
The first week after wasn't too bad.
The second week was getting sort of bad.
The third week was getting pretty bad.
The fourth week was really bad.
The fifth week was horrible!
By the sixth week it was unbearable...

So they buried her.

[DJSimo]

A soldier meets a pirate in a bar, and the talk turns to their adventures. The soldier notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook and an eye patch.

"How did you end up with a peg leg?" he asks.

The pirate replies, "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. As my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" says the soldier. "What about your hook?"

"Well," answers the pirate, "we were boarding a ship when one of the enemy hacked off my hand."

"Incredible. How’d you get the eye patch?"

"A grapefruit squirted in my eye," the pirate replies.

"You lost your eye to grapefruit juice?"

"Well," says the pirate, "it was my first day with the new hook."

[DJSimo]

Man walks in with a paper towel on top of his head and orders some rum.

The bartender asks " Why do you have a paper towel on your head?"

The man replies, " ARRRRR! I've got a Bounty on my head!"

[bvilleuk]

"Call yourself a Pirate??!! Where are your Buccaneers?????"

"Under mi Buckin 'at"

==============================

"Quick Patch, pull the Trigger!!"

"But why Captain??"

"Cos it makes the gun go off........."

==============================

"Look Captain -- through the Door....."

"I can't it's made of wood..."

==============================

[ljbp]

those are bad !!! LOL

[forntida]

Pirate caught the cabin boy as he was bending over the apple barrel. The cabin boy sceamed out loud.

The pirate said 'relax matey, it's only the roll of the ship'

The cabin boy said' The roll of the ship? I thought is was a roll off linoleum'

[bvilleuk]

Into the depths of DK I went.... on a mission [one man *can*
make a difference ] to rid the Galaxy of Pirates and make it a
safe place for families, to do a little shopping and to BALDLY go
where no baldy has been before............

MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE STORY.....

The Ship struck a reef..... a party of men were put over the side .... and soon the reef was as good as new...... then we set about repairing the hole in the vessel......

"Capt'n the same thing happened to my Great Uncle Otto in the Indian Ocean........ "

" What did he do, Patch??"

"He plugged the hole in the vessel with a gigantic Rhubarb Tart Capt'n "

"Did he give you the receipe???"

"No Capt'n - he went down with the Ship......."

"Capt'n WE'RE SINKING!! "

"Well - stand on a chair or something!!"

Then the Captain gave the fateful order....

"Full Steam ahead --- UPWARDS!!"

TO BE CONTINUED

[bvilleuk]

Come on Guys join in -- this is supposed to a Pantomime -- Here follows more excerpts from Admiral Lord Nelson's Newspaper Articles [known as Nelson's Column]

MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE STORY.....

Sun 16th Oct

"Lovely to be a sea again -- I've just received a happy welcome from a passing seagul...."

Mon 17th October

Sausages for Breakfast. Clean Sock.

Tues 18th October

News at Ten say the French are after the Canaries. I've put an extra lock on their cage just in case.

Wed 18th Oct

A storm has been brewing all night and is now upon us.

The First Mate is at the wheel and I have tied him to it.

Thurs 19th Oct.

The Wheel has been washed overboard.

The Second Mate is now at the Spare Wheel and we have nailed his boots to the deck.

Fri 20th Oct

I have a new pair of boots.

Sat 21st Oct

The Storm has gone and this evening my Lady Love, Lady Hamilton has come aboard.

In the Evening We walked up and down the Poop Deck writing down Yaught Numbers. [Together we Red Sails in the Sunset........]

Sun 22nd Oct

This morning my Love greeted me with "Hold me in your Arm" ..... "Let me look into your Eye"

Mon 23rd Oct

"Capt'n the French are here and they have just fired a cannon at us!!"

Right --- I'll see you after the Ball is over!!"

TO BE CONTINUED

[TimmBot]

PIRATES ARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Upsolo]

Seventeenth century. The captain of a ship receives bad news: "Captain, a pirate ship is approaching." And the captain: "Don’t worry, be strong, we can beat them!" Bring me my red shirt. " Captain takes his sword and so 'the sailors well and after furious battle pirates were rejected. In the evening the sailors speak of the events of the day. They are very proud of their captain and his great courage against the pirates. At one point one of them asked the captain: "But why 'you asked before the battle your red shirt?". And the captain: "It 's simple. The shirt has the color of blood, so if I am hurt you not perceive, you're not afraid and are more strong." Of course, all approved the test behavior of the captain. A few days later it is spotted a number of pirate ships and bad news' brought to the captain. But the captain yells to his crew: "Don't worry! Bring me my brown trousers!"

[johnboy1974]

why are pirates called pirates

because they aahhhhrrrrhhhhhh