Blonde jokes...
Blonde jokes...
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The Blonde Mother
Three Mothers, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were all talking about their daughters.
The Brunette said "I was looking through my daughters things and I found cigarettes, I can't believe my daughter smokes."
The Redhead says "Ladies, I was looking through my daughters things and I found a bottle of liquor, I can't believe my daughter drinks."
The Blond says "I was looking through my daughters things and I found a pack of condoms, I can't believe my daughter has a penis!"
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17 days
Two young blonde women are sitting at a bar in such an obviously celebratory mood that the bartender drifts over intending to offer them a drink on the house. When he gets close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!"
Smiling, the bartender says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?"
Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!"
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Magic Mirror
In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear.
One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror.
The brunette goes first.
"I think I'm the smartest woman on earth."
"POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try.p>"I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth."
"POOF!" She disappears.
The blonde goes up.
"I think--"
"POOF!
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Ice Fishing
There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish icefishing. Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win -- they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back.
"A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"
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Astro Girl
Nasa is looking for a new way to boost it's ratings. So they decide to send an ordinary woman into space. They place an add and are soon faced with three interviews. The first is a lovely looking woman with neat brown hair. They have only one question to ask which is: "If you could go to any planet, where would you go?"
After a moment of thought the woman replies;"I would go to Mars."
"And why would you like to go there?"
"I find it very interesting and would like to see if there really is life there."
The Nasa men are most impressed with this and promise to call her back and let her know their results.
The next woman is a redhead with a very nice suit on. They ask her the same question to which she replies; "I would like to go to Saturn, so that I could see for myself what the rings look like."
The Nasa guys are happy with this answer and promise to call her back.
The next is a blonde woman wearing a very short skirt and VERY revealing top. They ask her the same question and she gives it a lot of thought and replies; "I would like to go to the sun."
"But don't you know you would burn to death if you went to the sun?"
"Oh don't be silly, I'd go at night."
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Blonde Horse Ride
This blonde had a near death experience the other day.
She climbed on top of a horse, and all of a sudden it started moving.
She was a little frightened, this was her first time, but she kept on the horse. Then the horse started going fast and got out of control, and the blonde couldn't stay on, she fell of, but her foot got stuck, and she was dragging on the ground.
She started screaming, and was in great pain.
Then the wal-mart manager came outside and unplugged the horse.
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Thermos
A blonde woman walks into a store and is immediately curious about a shiny object on sale.
She asks the shop assistant, 'What is that?'
The assistant responds, 'It's a thermos.'
The blonde then asks, 'What does it do?'
'It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.'
So the blonde buys one. The next day she brings the thermos to work with her.
Her boss, also a blonde, asks, 'What is the shiny object?'
'It's a thermos.'
'What does it do?'
'It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.'
Her boss then asks, 'What do you have in there?'
The blonde replies, 'Two cups of coffee and an ice
ly.'
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--- Ian ---
-----------------------------
The Blonde Mother
Three Mothers, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were all talking about their daughters.
The Brunette said "I was looking through my daughters things and I found cigarettes, I can't believe my daughter smokes."
The Redhead says "Ladies, I was looking through my daughters things and I found a bottle of liquor, I can't believe my daughter drinks."
The Blond says "I was looking through my daughters things and I found a pack of condoms, I can't believe my daughter has a penis!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
17 days
Two young blonde women are sitting at a bar in such an obviously celebratory mood that the bartender drifts over intending to offer them a drink on the house. When he gets close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!"
Smiling, the bartender says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?"
Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!"
------------------------------------------------------------------
Magic Mirror
In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear.
One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror.
The brunette goes first.
"I think I'm the smartest woman on earth."
"POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try.p>"I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth."
"POOF!" She disappears.
The blonde goes up.
"I think--"
"POOF!
-----------------------------------------------
Ice Fishing
There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish icefishing. Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win -- they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back.
"A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"
-----------------------------------------
Astro Girl
Nasa is looking for a new way to boost it's ratings. So they decide to send an ordinary woman into space. They place an add and are soon faced with three interviews. The first is a lovely looking woman with neat brown hair. They have only one question to ask which is: "If you could go to any planet, where would you go?"
After a moment of thought the woman replies;"I would go to Mars."
"And why would you like to go there?"
"I find it very interesting and would like to see if there really is life there."
The Nasa men are most impressed with this and promise to call her back and let her know their results.
The next woman is a redhead with a very nice suit on. They ask her the same question to which she replies; "I would like to go to Saturn, so that I could see for myself what the rings look like."
The Nasa guys are happy with this answer and promise to call her back.
The next is a blonde woman wearing a very short skirt and VERY revealing top. They ask her the same question and she gives it a lot of thought and replies; "I would like to go to the sun."
"But don't you know you would burn to death if you went to the sun?"
"Oh don't be silly, I'd go at night."
--------------------------------------------------------
Blonde Horse Ride
This blonde had a near death experience the other day.
She climbed on top of a horse, and all of a sudden it started moving.
She was a little frightened, this was her first time, but she kept on the horse. Then the horse started going fast and got out of control, and the blonde couldn't stay on, she fell of, but her foot got stuck, and she was dragging on the ground.
She started screaming, and was in great pain.
Then the wal-mart manager came outside and unplugged the horse.
-----------------------------------------------------
Thermos
A blonde woman walks into a store and is immediately curious about a shiny object on sale.
She asks the shop assistant, 'What is that?'
The assistant responds, 'It's a thermos.'
The blonde then asks, 'What does it do?'
'It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.'
So the blonde buys one. The next day she brings the thermos to work with her.
Her boss, also a blonde, asks, 'What is the shiny object?'
'It's a thermos.'
'What does it do?'
'It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.'
Her boss then asks, 'What do you have in there?'
The blonde replies, 'Two cups of coffee and an ice
ly.'------------------------------------------------------------------
--- Ian ---
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