How to buy a football club

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  • The Strangler
    Member
    • Jul 2008
    • 86

    #1

    How to buy a football club

    Lombard Holdings is pleased to announce a ?[insert large number] bid for [name of Premiership football club], one of the oldest and
    best-known names in world sport. Lombard's chairman, Mr [potentate, prime minister or oligarch], said: "This bid represents the best
    solution for the future of [club] FC, its dedicated fans and shareholders."

    Lombard's long-standing involvement in professional [water polo, ice-fishing, taekwondo, falconry - delete as appropriate] has only
    deepened the group's admiration for [club]'s heritage and potential. This has underpinned our conviction that [club] will soon join
    Arsenal, Manchester United, Liverpool, Manchester City, Chelsea, Aston Villa, West Ham [insert other clubs we tried but failed to
    purchase] in the Premier League's top three. Mr [potentate etc.] said: "I am a lifelong fan of [club] FC, and, like all football
    fans, enjoy nothing better than spending my hard-earned cash backing the faint hope of sporting success against impossible odds. Go,
    you blues [or reds]!"
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