FUNNIEST DIVORCE LETTER !!

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  • ianmac
    DK Veteran
    • Oct 2008
    • 922

    #1

    FUNNIEST DIVORCE LETTER !!

    > Dear Wife:
    >
    > I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've
    > been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
    >
    > These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
    > quit your job today and that was the last straw.
    >
    > Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut,
    > had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk
    > boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching
    > all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want
    > sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.
    >
    > Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the
    > case, I'm gone.
    >
    > Your EX-Husband
    >
    >
    > P.S.
    > Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia
    > together! Have a great life!
    >
    >
    >
    > Dear Ex-Husband -
    >
    > Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that
    > you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far
    > cry from what you've been.
    >
    > I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and
    > griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
    >
    > I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that
    > came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me
    > not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
    >
    > And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused
    > with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
    >
    > About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the ?49.99
    > price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that
    > my sister had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.
    >
    > After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
    > So when I hit the lottery for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought
    > us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything
    > happens for a reason, I guess.
    >
    > I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
    > the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So take care.
    >
    >
    > Signed,
    >
    > Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
    >
    >
    > P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born
    > Carl. I hope that's not a problem..

    --------------------------

    --- Ian ---

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