reach over

[mtv1]

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.

"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times."

[mtv1]

warer please

A couple is on a plane in the middle of the night, and it is dark and quiet.
The woman says to her husband: "let's have sex right here".
The hudband says: "You are crazy. people will hear and see us".
"But everybody is asleep", claims the wife, "I will prove it to you. I will ask for water and you'll see that nobody answers me and nobody even hears what i'm saying".
So the woman says in a low voice: "Can I have some water please?". But noone answers. So the husband starts having sex with her.

After the plane lands, a man runs to the steward and says: "quick, give me water. I have been so thirsty for the last 5 hours".
The steward gives him water and asks him: "why didn't you ask for water during the fligh?".
so the guy says: "No way, a woman two rows in front of me asked for water and you won't believe what they did to her!".

[mtv1]

the worst day ever:

A wee guy was sitting at a bar staring at his drink for ages. Suddenly, a big biker came along, snatched his gl******, guzzled down the contents and laughed, "Hah! So what you gonna do about that, little man?"

"Nothing," sighed the little guy despondently. "You see, today has been the worst day of my life. This morning I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss was furious and so he sacked me. I cleared my desk, went to my car, only to discover that it wasn't there - somebody had stolen it. So I got a taxi home, but when it came to paying the driver I realised I'd forgotten my wallet. I then went into my house and I found my wife in bed with the gardener. So I left home and came to this bar. And just when I was thinking about ending it all, you came along and drank my poison..."