My Claim To Fame

[gc1966]

wife went to london for weekend with her m8 so her hubby and i went on a bender starting on friday tea time (as you do)

was in pub near haydock race course on saturday afternoon when my m8 pokes me in ribs and says that stan collymore was at the side of us with some rough looking bird

in my beer befuddled state i thought it was funny to shout across the packed alehouse that the bird was a decided step down from ulrika ka ka ka and told him he was a sh1t footballer to boot.

my mate attempted to take me away from the situaation stating stan was a big fella and was looking a little irate to which i replied that was not a problem as ulrika ka ka ka would tell you stan only hits women.

fortunately for me this must be the truth as stan and the ugly bird left without him kicking my head in,to be fair if he had attempted to kick me he would have missed anyway

this was trumped by my missus when she came home and told me she had been groping brad pitts arse while in london but it turned out to only be the wax work at madamme tussauds

[RedSpider]

I was in a cafe with madame spider in blackpool.
she says 'look'
i says 'where?'
she says 'behind'
so i look and i am confronted with an old mans arse.
'thanks for that' i said as i returned my gaze to my sandwich.
'no' she says 'look again'
so i look and see the same old mans arse walking out of the cafe.
'what am i looking at?' i asked
'its frank carson. he comes in here all the time'
'oh and you show me his arse? nice one'

and let me tell you, my dk brethren, it was NOT a cracker

[Canker_Canison]

Some of the following I am quite happy about, others I'm deeply ashamed of.

Due to previous jobs in pubs, clubs, etc I've had access to quite a few well known, & some not so well know, people.

Normski (Who? )

Snap (Turbo B is one large bloke)

Joe Pasquale (his voice is squeeky even when talking normally. Very friendly & fun to be around)

Take That, 4 ~~~~ing times (may god have mercy on my soul)

Imagination (One hit wonder with Illusion. This was also my first run in with gay men that scream 'I'm gay' without actually saying the words. Very un-nerving for an 18 year old escorting them back to their hotel room. Even if I was twice their size.)

Steve Coogan (That ~~~~er dragged me on stage while he was still scraping by as a magician & comedian. Management were not happy )

Roy 'Chubby' Brown

There will be more, but my memory fails me more & more. About a week or so after Joe Pasquale I had another stand-up comedian to look after, but for the life of me I can't remember their name. It was the late 90's & they were well know on TV, he was shortish & a little overweight. It's the only time I've seen anyone bring their kids with them to an event. He was very down to earth & tried to cause as little fuss as possible, even when ordering food for the kids (burger & chips).... This is gonna bug me all day now.

It was a strange mix of people. Some of them just needed a guide or a 'runner' for drinks & food. Others required someone to act as security & stop people getting in their face.

[mickydibble]

Once went on a night out getting pissed with "eddie the kid", needless to say all the birds were all over him n not me .
Once did a trick shot for John Virgo on sky tv,n he set it up wrong and wouldn't let me move it tosser!
Buyonegetonefree(Bogof) is a mate of mine-but that's shit .

Few other things but can't remember yet haha

[unreal]

i was on tv once upon a time.....still got the memories thoe.haha

[Canker_Canison]

Not my claim to fame....

A friend ended up being invited back to a hotel room by a nice bloke & his close friends & some hookers while working in leeds. There was a little drug taking & drinking, my friend got to play with the guys 'tools'.

The guy...... Dave Courtney. His 'tools'.... two semi-automatic pistols (cannons was the word my friend used).

My friend also enjoyed the drugs.

[RedSpider]

next time your mate bumps into dave courtney, please ask him to pass along my message that dave courtney is a knobhead

[willywonker2010]

u wouldnt say that to his face
spider

[RedSpider]

i would if he dared approach me.
but he doesn't dare because he's a pussy and a knobhead

[karlpowell]

OK here are mine .....

1985 i was on chegger plays pop in the box answering questions(we lost).

ive met @ festivals usualy.

david grey ( was stood behind me in a shop )
MR nice ( howard marks) he was a good laugh
esther rantzen sat on a wall at glastonbury
lee roy ( ex prodigy )
zoe ball and sara cox again at glasto
suggs from madness the misrable c@nt
tim booth (james) nice bloke
Jack from corry (LEG END)
BEZ from happy mondays ( funny bloke)
Manny from the roses / primal screem
the hitman hatton (he said i was too f@ckin loud)

[jcgrumbles]

On a similar note I was in Belize in 85 and was driving through the jungle when I needed a piss. I'd just started pissing when a Land Rover came down the track behind me with the British High Commisioner and his wife in it. He pulled up behind me and asked if I wanted a hand. If only he'd known what I was doing at the time.

off topic for a bit,my dad spent some time in the forces in belize,he used to go out at night shooting all the local wildlife,he was billeted in a swamp near chatamal...

[footycard steve]

the tv show the season shown once or twice in the late 90's used my words of wisdom to close the the show (straight after henry cecil) from an interview i gave at newmarket races i've got it on vhs somewhere amongst the 2000!

[Snowy79]

When I was there it was Rideau Camp, Airport Camp and Salamanca with a few little outposts at Baldy Beacon, St Georges Quay etc. One of the dirtiest Jungles in the World as far as infections go.

I was there when Harrison Ford was filming Mosquito Coast though I never met him. We did get a visit from Prince Edward which was embarrasing for him as he failed the Commando Course and we were a Commando Unit.

[racin-snake]

the only person ive ever met who would warrant any type of claim to fame for me was this guy Flt Lt Nicky Ross - Scotsman.com News


flight lieutenant Nicky Ross .RIP a humbly amazing and quiet man
considerably unaware of his heroism in WW2 (as far as the word hero was concerned he just did what he thought was his duty)
i fact he once told me he took more pride in the Berlin airlift than any other thing as it involved humanitarian construction and not destruction
utterly amazing man to converse with by far the most worthy of my claim to any type of getting close to fame

i also sold a pair of jeans to Barry Manilow

i met Oliver reed in Peebles a few times before he died
he was funny man (ha ha funny but a bit peculiar but a decent guy)

[reddevil157]

I had the honour of meeting a true legend once, in Dublin airport, George Best, never forget it, think he had a drink or 2 in him