help with writing a uni personal statement?

[nature]

Is there anybody here good with their writing skills?

I am helping my little sister do her Uni personal statement. Which is now complete and I am hoping somebody could check it and advice on any changes that is required.

I would be grateful for any input.

Thanks.

[super jumbe]

Can we see your copy of statements to start..................

[Walkinmyshadow]

Hope this helps...

[nature]

thanks for that guys.

can anybody else have a look at the one ive written

[RedSpider]

Hello teachers, Can I come to your big school please?
I promise that I won't bunk off or be naughty.
I also do not have ginger hair so I am readily likeable.
My dad's got a job too so I won't need free school dinners.
Thank you please.

Love from (insert name) xx

[nature]

lllll^ ^^^