Good Sex

[cgscott]

[quote=wongers;1325861]

them blue pills are marvelous, can go for hours.

tried them blue pills m8 it got stuck in my throat i had a stiff neck for three days

Better off with the viagra eye drops. Make you look hard as ~~~~.

[patkins]

6 weeks.
No, I'm no stud. Just old.

[Grizz]

older the fiddle, sweeter the tune Pat......

[maca]

6 weeks.
No, I'm no stud. Just old.

I know what you mean m8 mines gone all wrinkly now and her tits keep her neck warm......

[jcgrumbles]

I find that putting a bit of time and effort into creating a suitable atmosphere can make good sex even better,for instance before my wife even enters the room i would have the`big` light off,and have some soft romantic music on not quite loud enough to mask the football,i would dash a little cologne on and give my groin a quick wipe with a teatowel or something,then i would just lie seductively over the chair and wait for the moment,and as soon as mrs grumbles gets down to set the video i would pounce with all the grace and agility of a leopard.I must stress,at the point of pouncing you must time the moment of contact and penetration to perfection to avoid wedging your beloveds head between the telly and your x box.Good sex like this can last for ages,or untill you lose the bloood flow to your feet,or more likely,your woman finally manages to get coronation street taped.For an added romantic gesture you could turn the football off altogether,or just use the fact that your team are getting hammered again at home to inspire your lovemaking teqnique and imagine youve got the referee in front of you(mrs grumbles has been brought screaming to many multiple orgasms in this fashion,just try to refrain from calling her a fat bastard in the process as i have found to my cost this does not help)Another tip i will give you is candles,women love candlelight and although its natural light does create a wonderful and relaxing atmosphere to make love in please be aware that if you want to explore that part of your woman a little closer,dont be tempted to tip the candle over to get a better view as three hours in casualty can cool the ardour slightly.We use sex aids as well to enchance our love life,i find tramadol,chloroform,tripwires and beartraps all contribute to help us keep our sex life alive...

[RedSpider]

i can't be bothered with all that.

what i do is fill a jar with my jizz over the course of several days and, when she gets frisky, i splash a bit on her and say "there you go, love... now ~~~~ off!"

[Grizz]

lmao You should write soft ~~~~ books JC, im quite in the mood after that......

[Lainie]

oh this is an interesting thread. foreplay should last at least 30 mins then the actual act itself is less than 5 mins. always good to keep the spark in a relationship. i love a wee grope at the movies

[MrFug]

15 mins each way? Could work.

[ecufix]

I find that putting a bit of time and effort into creating a suitable atmosphere can make good sex even better,for instance before my wife even enters the room i would have the`big` light off,and have some soft romantic music on not quite loud enough to mask the football,i would dash a little cologne on and give my groin a quick wipe with a teatowel or something,then i would just lie seductively over the chair and wait for the moment,and as soon as mrs grumbles gets down to set the video i would pounce with all the grace and agility of a leopard.I must stress,at the point of pouncing you must time the moment of contact and penetration to perfection to avoid wedging your beloveds head between the telly and your x box.Good sex like this can last for ages,or untill you lose the bloood flow to your feet,or more likely,your woman finally manages to get coronation street taped.For an added romantic gesture you could turn the football off altogether,or just use the fact that your team are getting hammered again at home to inspire your lovemaking teqnique and imagine youve got the referee in front of you(mrs grumbles has been brought screaming to many multiple orgasms in this fashion,just try to refrain from calling her a fat bastard in the process as i have found to my cost this does not help)Another tip i will give you is candles,women love candlelight and although its natural light does create a wonderful and relaxing atmosphere to make love in please be aware that if you want to explore that part of your woman a little closer,dont be tempted to tip the candle over to get a better view as three hours in casualty can cool the ardour slightly.We use sex aids as well to enchance our love life,i find tramadol,chloroform,tripwires and beartraps all contribute to help us keep our sex life alive...

Love it . The football seems important ?

[jcgrumbles]

Love it . The football seems important ?

Well im a toon supporter ecufix and im well versed in getting totally shagged one way or the other!But to be honest i think most peoples love lives have got to be about the same,you might be at it like a dog at broth for a week while you are both off work and all relaxed and so on,then its back to once a fortnight furry side up with the light off for weeks after that.

[true grit]

The best sex I had was when I mounted the wife from behind and she protested, so I said "well your sister likes it this way"
it was like riding a Bucking Bronco.

[Nariana]

[Canker_Canison]

This does depend on time & place. A good quickie while the kids pop to the shop, always exciting.
But I prefer a good build up of foreplay over 40mins or so before climbing on board.

If I'm in control, throwing her around the bed... it could go on for an hour.

But if she pins me down & screws my brains out.... about 5 mins.

[Canker_Canison]

This is a seperate post so we can pass judgement.

I have a friend, we shall call him Gary...because that's his name.

He doesn't talk about sex much, but has the nickname 'the hoof'. Partly because he's a big fan of 'The Hoff', and the rest is due to his donkey like status.

We always knew he had issues, but recently it became a jaw dropping admission of stupidity.

Long story short, there was a discussion about foreplay. Now Gary was drunk...but he called everyone sick perverts. He doesn't go in for foreplay, just jumps on & pounds away.

Add to this the fact that he doesn't use toys as he doesn't need them. (At this time his wife rolled her eyes in a way that said soooo much)

Then the proof that he is good in bed. In his own words "I'm great in bed because I got (wifes name) pregnant"

According to Gary good sex has nothing to do with feelings, emotions or shared enjoyment... it's all down to getting the female pregnant


Now, go back in time. Gary had been in a 6 year relationship that ended suddenly. We were having a games night round a friends & Gary scored with a slut called Emma. The problem for him being that she has a big mouth. The next day it went global that Gary was useless in bed... 'It was like being with a fumbling virgin'

It's hard to fully understand his mental & emotional state. But I'm looking forward to destroying his ego when this comes around again.

'If being good in bed means getting the woman pregnant. Can you answer this.... If I fire my muck into a turkey baster & squirt it into a female volunteer, who then becomes pregnant. Who's better in bed... Me of the turkey baster?'


I'll stop trashing him now.