I couldn't Believe My Eyes.

[opsmonkey]

~~~~in joks, never been able to understand 'em.. when my mate has had a few i just nod.. if he looks pissed off at my nodding i change it to a shake of the head.. i used to hate post match interviews by Daglish.. coudn't understand a word

[Evastar]

I took it to mean same as you krazylegz.

[krazylegz]

ha ha totally agree why cant you joks talk normal lingo lmao

[chroma]

A "steamer" in this case is a big steaming pile of shite.
Genesis: Cleaveland Steamer, meaning to take a dump on someones chest during coitus.

A common colloquialism around here, im away for a steamer.
Also: Chocolate hostage (As in im going to release a chocolate hostage, only to return red faced and pronounce, the ****er was huge, a real Ken Bigley, beard and everything)
A brown trout.
A thora hurd
A tam kite.
There are litteraly millions of ways to describe a shit around here.

Bust as in bust a move, get down to business, etc.

NED as in Non Educated Delinquent, otherwise known as CHAV, Arsehole, toerag or waste of space lout.

Anyway it was a huge jobby that could choke a donkey. a total toilet clogger of a monstrosity of a thing, full blown peanuts and sweetcorn job

A wee arsehole walked into asda, into one of the isles, dropped trou and proceeded to deficate whilst staring smugly at children and passers by.

Got back up and walked out the door unquestioned and completely unperturbed.
Police did nothing, although they did have a good laugh at the footage from the CCTV.

The Asda ACES (custodians, cleaners, etc) when asked to clean it up responded with "**** that fur a game o soojurs its no in ma contract pal, i dont deal wae shite, ave no gut the gear tae handle that mate." and left management to deal with it.
Management proceeded to place a bucket over it, which was promptly climbed upon by children unaware of the nightmare underneath as i stood on in morbid curiosity.

It was surreal, i thought i had been spiked with some of the best psychidelic drugs ever invented, completely lucid yet clearly under no circumstances could this be reality?

The smell however suggested otherwise.

I still to this day dont know wether to laugh at the sheer brass neck of the ned or cry at the apparent downfall of society.

[krazylegz]

ha ha classic explination chroma.

mind you if someone done that infront of my kids i'd kick shit out them then rub their face in it

[Saltire]

@ chroma , pish mate, at least in glasgow slang a guy that walks into a supermarket and batters a drunk guy would be says something like, a pure wee ned walked intae the shoap and batterd ~~~~ oot this steamer that wiz acting the coont, or something like that (i had to change some of the swear words obviously, ).

[chroma]

ha ha classic explination chroma.

mind you if someone done that infront of my kids i'd kick shit out them then rub their face in it

No kids with me thank god.

I could do nothing but watch on in horror, my mind drew a blank as to the appropriate course of action.

All i could think was "dear god, no he cant be surely, OH MY GOD HE DID! WOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW THEN? its not a terrorist attack, there are no hostages to protect, hes not waving a weapon. damnit why cant you get training about how to handle this?
Do i grab a barearsed man?
Tackle him and risk winding up knee deep?
Do i lay down flat and play dead in the hopes of not getting shot? wait im not in a bank strike that one.
What the hell do i do, ah its ok hes leaving.
Eeew the dirty bastard never even wiped his arse, thank god hes not sitting next to me on the bus"

Then i just stood very still and very quiet letting the experience wash over me like a thin orange haze, knowing that next time this happened i would be equaly incapable of doing anything.

[krazylegz]

ha ha bet you were just thinking WTF

[gmb45]

~~~~ING TEENAGERS, the reason im moving soon is the kids/teens that have moved in near me over the last few years, with there dont give a fcuk attidude parents, or parent more often than not, it used to be very quiet where i am till they started moving the dregs of society in, but why should i have to move ? ive had my car vandalised twice, we get kids kicking balls about at like 10pm ffs, drinking beer in our shared complex garden and when u ask em to move u get a mouth full of abuse, then u say your phoning the police they say they cant do anything,all this trouble with the teens/kids has been caused by the so called do-gooders, u cant do this, u cant do that, so the kids/teens do just what they want knowing nowt can be done to them, they got no respect for anything, when i was young and got in trouble i either got a belt from the cops, my dad or neighbour or all 3, another reason im moving is sooner or later im going to belt 1 of the little barstewards then itt will be me whos in trouble

[forntida]

when or if i report anything to cops now i make sure i get an incident number when i call in, then that way i can track and make sure the cops actually did try and do something, if they didnt then i would report it to the local council councillor for the region/area, i never let anyone off the hook nowdays man, best way, and why should we anyway, remember your police officers are your servants and are paid by our hard earned cash.

Anyway, also went a wee walk tonight just to clear the head a bit and save more booze for a bit longer, hehehehe, and too be honest, i dont do much walking, i prefer the vroom vroom machine, but i tell ya summit, i was shocked and disappointed at the way idiots were acting on the streets, there was nothing that bad, but it was still just bad, what is it with people now days, are they just brainless twats or what, .

It appears to get worse in the hot dry weather. Maybe something to do with water and its association with soap.
I stay across from a country park. The young school neds drink in the woods, drink supplied by a white van that tours the area at the weekend. Probably in answer to a phone call from the woods. These kids reappear about midnight, out off their minds. It would be useless to phone the cops. The last time I phoned about three kids trying to break a water hydrant I was directed to, The Fire Brigade, The Water Department, The Council(at the weekend!) and various other people who might own the hydrant.

To call 999 nowadays is like calling a call centre, surprised it is not in India. (rant over)

[Mr Pumpy]

Good morning.

Ive just re-read me reply to Thomson, and ive noticed that my life seems to revolve around underpants in some shape or form.

[gmb45]

Good morning.

Ive just re-read me reply to Thomson, and ive noticed that my life seems to revolve around underpants in some shape or form.

they owt like these pump ---->

[Mr Pumpy]

Jesus Gb, i'm eating me toast here.

[zaphodbb]

Jesus Gb, i'm eating me toast here.

not with kidneys i hope we used to call that "shit on a raft" when i was in the navy

[Mr Pumpy]

Kidneys on toast!!!!!!! What the f***.