God forsaken doctors offices.

[chroma]

Im off work.
Been off work since Saturday and im fairly certain im infected with swine flu.
Anyway went in on friday feeling like i was dying, said i wouldnt be in on saturday and have basicly been bedridden since.

During this time work has been pestering me for documentation (ie sick lines, diagnoses etc) so ive been trying to get hold of a Doc.

Phoned on monday and was told there was a 2 week waiting list... that if i wanted an appointment sooner then i couldnt book that slot in 2 weeks but had to wait for a Nurse to call me back.

My days are now structured thusly, wake up, throw up, crawl to the phone thats woken me up (no small feat at this point) get questioned by work. Phone the doctors, wait 15 mins to speak to a human. get told the same exact thing.

WHO MUST A MAN KILL TO GET A DOCTORS APPOINTMENT THESE DAYS?

[Evastar]

Poor you

Try going to your local hospital's casualty department?

[stuckylad]

~~~~in disgrace m8,mabye put on a foreign accent you will get something done,get well soon.

[forntida]

Ask who you are speaking to. That sometimes works.

[Lainie]

tell them you think its swine flu they will sort you out immediately whearas man flu well thats much worse

[forntida]

If he said he had wummins trouble he would have got a date right away.




p.s. Read that any way you want.

[chroma]

Swaggered into the Dr's office bold as today (read: crawled 5ft, regained breath crawled another 5ft)
As the receptionist was in the middle of making her "you need to phone in for an appointment" spiel i coughed up what can only be termed as "ectoplasm" onto the coutertop then proceeded to throw up right then and there before collapsing into the pool.

Yummy.

This seemed to have the desired effect of getting a doctor out pronto to ice off my steaming carcass.

So yeah it was a fairly dismal picture, but hey it kinda got the job done... much to the horror of the receptionist and almost empty waiting room (2 week wait my arse, there was 5 people at most in the office waiting)

Having been dragged into the office the doctor proceeded to ask me questions, i answered between gasps.
Took my temperature and clearly and distinctly uttered the phrase "oh f**k" She gets brownie points for bedside manner on that one.

Took my pressure and seemed to calm slightly.
Checked my rattling chest (hoping its just a busted engine mount but clearly by the look of her face its a snapped timing belt)

Then she injected me with something of unknown origin and gave me a course of antibiotics and told me not to leave my bed and please get the f**k out of her office before i cause any more scenes.
So i dont know what the hell ive got, the sick line is in moonrunes that would require several years of med school to decypher.

The only thing ive found on the meds ive got is theyre used to prevent malaria and to cure anthrax... so they must be good uns.

Now that my day was off to a good start i figured i would call my work and let them know the score.
The conversation went fairly badly and wound up in yet more headaches.

Apparently they want a self certificate, which ive filled in before after going back to work.
Only ive to contact a doctor then haul ass around town infecting all and sundry to get one this time...
So i call up the doctor and hear the receptionist groan at the sound of my name. At least i left a lasting impression
"No" she says "Your employer provides those."

Okie dokie, call back to work.

"No" they say "Your doctor provide you with those."

Cant beat getting reamed up the arse by a large multinational when your too ill to fight back.

So my question is this... Do the post office have self certificates? Cause infecting junkies queuing for their giro seems like it will make my day complete.

[zaphodbb]

sorry your ill m8 but you still make a deeyam good post

[Evastar]

Well at least you got to see the doctor. Did the doctor not give you a cert for work? And why won't your job accept that?

[chroma]

Nothing else to do but post Zap, im living vicariously through the internet as my only form of any kind of contact atm.
Never needed a few rums down the pub more in my life.

My doc gave me a line covering fro today till the 17th. i need to self cert till today.
However you only need to self cert if youve missed more than 3 days of work and i was only contracted to work 3 days between now and last saturday.
Not that that seems to matter to the big wigs, its "company policy" and ive been in a 9hr meeting in the past arguing that "company policy" does not trump UK legislation.

So theyre unwilling to give me one and the doctor says by law that my employer must provide me it, company policy says otherwise...

I feel like im Yossarian from Catch 22 by Joe Heller. I feel a call to HM Revenue & Customs common on.

On the bright side though ive got a shelf full of "unreads" to whittle through. Should keep me busy for the week.

[zaphodbb]

well m8 i love your posts and i hope you come up with some more classics now you have time. hope you get better soon m8 all the best and a speedy recovery

[Dreamer]

Statutory Sick Pay - telling your employer you are sick and providing evidence : Directgov - Money, tax and benefits

There is a link for downloading an SC2 Self cert form)and some information on the website link above which should help you

[Arpa]

a & e? If you're ill and cannot follow normal routes, then it becomes an emergency..you need treatment, especially if vomitting, and inability to hold down food. If it seems to drastic, you'd be surprised what a friendly pharmacist could prescribe until you get a slot to stem the vomiting or other symptoms.

[mcluis]

hey! you may say i'm out of my mind but the only thing i could say is acknowledge your creator, who created you? for sure it is not just your parents, but God. Call him he is the one your looking for. Ask for healing and it realy works, try it. Remeber theirs nothing impossible with him everything is posible...acknowledge him and He will take care of you...he said "come tome you who are weary and I will give you rest"...