killing beasts

[zaphodbb]

ok today i went to my girlfriends sisters place she said she had a lump of dead pig for us,but when we got there it was gone. so anyroad up this pig was only killed yesterday at it was gone like a fart in a fan factory well i had all sorts of things planned for this pork but it was not to be,so today she had a goat tied up ready for killing tonight because this weekend is a huge holiday here and goats and sheep are included in the festivity lucky them, ... so i got to thinkin about the uk and how we all like our meat prepacked homogenized, pastureised, and packed in a cling film box we dont have to put it to the sword like here, but then i thought if i post this im gonna get loads of macho bullshit bout how i killed a donkey wi my bare teeth and all the crap stuff from young kids, but hey reality is different from computer games ok when you cut the throat of an animal it kicks thrashes around for a while because lets face it he dont wanna die and its not cool. but im waiting for all the ex sas guys and other peeps to tell me it dont bother them well good for you it bothers me but i still eat em... rant over bin a bad day

[cgscott]

I once bit the nose off a bouncer. Does that count?

[ManofScience]

phew - hard work without full stops!

edit : i snapped a rabbits neck once. easy but not fun

[opsmonkey]

i used to work in a butchers when i was 16 / 17.. thankfully i didnt have to slit any throats but i did have to cut the kidneys off the animals and watch the piss run out

i left in the end as i could constantly smell blood on my hands even after a shower..

[Lainie]

i can kill spiders, wasps, creepy crawlies, jenny longlegs, flies (if i can catch the wee ~~~~ers). if any beasties come in the house they are entering the departure lounge and dont have long to go.

[chroma]

Thus far ive
Clubbed many a fish to death, cleaned em and eaten em.
Found out the hard way that Eel is frankly disgusting and a nightmare to prep, so any eel i catch get tossed straight back.

Chickens, ive slaughtered chickens in the past.
My grandfather was a Yorkshire coal miner and learned a lot from the strikes, like how to make a meal out of anything and rear your own stock. He even kept Quails in a hut, the stupidest birds ive ever seen, they build huge piles of eggs (which coincendentaly used to go into a stew made from stock from the bits of chickens you wouldnt think you could eat... tasty)
Corn fed chickens taste a world apart from the supermarket shite. Its a little freaky killing one though they do tend to thrash and twitch.

Also it should be noted that there was none of this "head off with an axe" bullshit. Just pick it up by the neck and give it a quick twist. The real work comes from plucking the bastards, getting the feathers off is fairly time consuming (or maybe im just doing it wrong and theres a knack to it ive yet to fathom)

Rabbit, i used to kill rabbits and eat em, still occasionaly do around September. Again down to my grandfather here.
Pro tip: after youve shot it and its stopped running around trying to get away and just about to die (ie: still twitching) pick them up and squeeze them on the bladder and they'll piss themselves.
Not trying to be cruel here but an empty bladder is not a bad thing when it comes to skinning the things, it means when you make the first cut you dont pierce it and get piss all over the meat.
Incidentaly skinning a rabbit is fairly straight forward and only really requires a knife for the initial hole, i do the rest with my bare hands. learned this from faffing about destroying all the good stuff trying to get the pelts off, you can slide a hand in and the skin just comes away and peels off.

Deer, Ive killed one with a rifle, dragged it back to the waggon and my aunt in canada dealt with the messy business of prepping it to eat. i was only a kid though.
This should be noted to be my only real stalking experience.
I cried for a while about killing bambi, and felt really bad about it, especialy watching it die the tears promptly stopped once it was on my plate though fresh venison is the dogs danglies.

Pheasant, killed few of those they bunker down in the heathery hills local to me, initialy squeamish about the hanging process so ive tried hung and unhung pheasant, hung does actualy taste far better and far more tender.

Ive noticed that of all the things ive eaten the stuff ive killed tasted way better than the commercial junk.

Ive seen a pig being slaughtered at a farm just outside of Toronto, didnt look particularly pleasant. i helped build the roasting pit and spent the night varnishing the rotating carcass with molasses for the pig roast. Tasted amazing.
A stack of work though and after a 15 mins next to the pit tarring up the pig you feel like your face is melting and your forearms are red raw.

The only thing ive killed that ive not eaten was a bunch of kittens, i spent a few days drowning lots of them in an oil drum. My old mans work was infested with rats, they got cats to cull the population and wound up with a serious cat problem. the Animal shelters took what they could, local pet shops took some and the rest had to be put down.

I also gather mushrooms (again down to my grandfather) and can tell apart shrooms that are tasty and shrooms that make music tasty. Cant beat frying u a batch of wild mushrooms then frying slices of bread off in the black residue left in the pan
Chicken of the woods (grows on roting trees and looks like the dangly bits on a chicken) is particularly nice on a sunday morning.
Berries to make jam, Mussels, Welks, Elderflower to make wine, Liquorice roots, been truffling a few times with very limited success. Crabs (theres a lot of bloody work in a crab so i tend to avoid it)
I even used to grow my own veg, not a huge ammount by any stretch but enough to cut down on the shopping budget.

I owe a lot to my Grandad, he taught me essentaly how to survive with no income and it's skills that i feel that more of the UK should learn.
That and eating more offal. In my supermarket i can buy liver and kidney, THATS IT! What happens to all the rest? I used to love stuffed hearts, cant find a heart for love nor money now, as with Thrapple (a nice bit of Cows throat) the only thing im happy about is the dissapearance of Tripe (i used to oathe tripe and onions, dont get me wrong id eat the stuff but i wasnt happy about it)

Now all i see is joints and steaks of watered down dyed meat that more bland that the stuff that makes most young folk go "eeeew ye cannae eat that"
Im more than prepared to survive even the worst of recessions, cause i'll eat absoloutly anything without qualms or a hint of hesitation.
They should also introduce allotments into schools, i detested veg as a kid, till i started growing my own Cucumbers and nothing tastes better or goes down easier than something youve invested time and effort into growing.
Teach a kid how to grow something and more often than not he'll eat it without issues. Even if it tastes bad, due to the "i grew that so im bloody well gonna enjoy it" mentality he'll eat it.

I dont feel that any of this makes me particularly rambo, i mean more often than not i feel really bad about killing things and have even shed a few tears in the past but that being said it makes me waste less of what i do go out and get with my own hands.
If i cant eat it then i can generaly boil it into a stock or a base for a soup. Spend a few hours finding new and interesting ways to make a lung pallatable.

I could be worse, i could be one of those moronic "Vegatarians." For every one animal they ont eat i'll eat 3! stick that in your pipe and smoke it you pansie!.. moving swiftly on.

Never had goat though, might have to look into that one. whats it taste like? I always figured it would be kinda tough and need to be slow roasted like mutton or something.

[davieboy.rfc]

i blew the head of a pidgeon once it was the last time it shat in my garden ..lmao

[opsmonkey]

its never happened to me but i have been on the firing range when some lucky sod had a phesant run accross his lane.. he pumped 3 rounds into it.. afterwards we used it as a training aid to look at bullet entry and exit wounds

[forntida]

i blew the head of a pidgeon once it was the last time it shat in my garden ..lmao

Did you need to get down on your knees?

[Mr Pumpy]

Ive necked a few chickens and skinned a few wabbits but thats about it.

I think with owt like that (hunting and shooting) it tends to run in the family.
I know a few guys who shoot and poach and its been in their families for yonks.

[aftermath]

ive rung quite a few necks in my time, especially the pigeons that didnt race very fast and were always last

[Evastar]

I've caught, gutted and eaten quite a few fish, and have helped cull an exploding rooster population on my hubby's home farm.

Not to mention the numerous mice, wasps, flies etc i've killed over the years.