fractured penis 
ARE those Valentine's Day roses wilting already - just like your love life?
Don't worry. The British Lung Foundation has come up with some breathless sex tips.
Specifically, advice for those with dodgy lungs on how to keep the flames of passion alive - without blowing up their oxygen cylinders.
Their overall message is that breathing problems don't have to suffocate your sex life.
Spot on. But when is lovemaking a potential health hazard? Here are some facts and myths.
Heart attacks: Prepare for a shock. For the average 50-year-old non-smoking bloke, having sex roughly doubles the odds of a heart attack. Don't panic, though, you don't have to join a monastery just yet. Sex increases the risk from one in a million in any one hour to two in a million - and only for a few hours. And double a tiny risk is still a tiny risk.
True, if you've already got a dodgy ticker, the odds multiply up to ten-fold. But that's still a risk small enough for most blokes to safely ignore.
Pregnancy problems: We all know that one hazard of sex is falling pregnant. But can making love make trouble if you're already pregnant? The short answer is no. There doesn't seem to be any danger of sex causing miscarriage, premature labour or any other complication you might be worried about.
The only exception is if the placenta is lying very low, especially if this has caused bleeding during pregnancy - in which case, some doctors advise a bonking ban until after delivery.
Bloke injuries: A common bedroom battle-scar is a "torn frenulum". That's a split of the tight flap of skin connecting the foreskin to the penis. It heals but with a scar, which is likely to tear again. Try a vow of chastity for a few weeks to give it a chance to settle down.
When you're back in the saddle, use a condom or extra lubrication to cut your chances of further trouble. If all else fails, you might need a circumcision.
If that made your eyes water, look away now - a rare, but much nastier todger trauma is...
A fractured penis: This is a crack caused by the rigid tissue snapping during gymnastic sex. Followed, some hours later, by bruising and severe pain. Time to go to casualty with a face almost as red as your willy.
Girl pains: The ladies sometimes find that love hurts. This might be caused by their ovaries being bumped during sex, causing discomfort deep inside.
A change of position should solve the problem. But if it persists, there may be some other cause, such as muscle spasm, pelvic infection or endometriosis.
Headache: Occasionally, a throbbing headache can be the result of sex, rather than an excuse to avoid it.
This is "orgasm headache" - a type of migraine which tends to happen at climax. You may need migraine pills, too.
But if it's the first time it's happened, it's severe and you're vomiting, call an ambulance - you might have popped a blood vessel in your brain.
Now you know whether the sheets you're sliding between should be silk or hospital starched.
ARE those Valentine's Day roses wilting already - just like your love life?
Don't worry. The British Lung Foundation has come up with some breathless sex tips.
Specifically, advice for those with dodgy lungs on how to keep the flames of passion alive - without blowing up their oxygen cylinders.
Their overall message is that breathing problems don't have to suffocate your sex life.
Spot on. But when is lovemaking a potential health hazard? Here are some facts and myths.
Heart attacks: Prepare for a shock. For the average 50-year-old non-smoking bloke, having sex roughly doubles the odds of a heart attack. Don't panic, though, you don't have to join a monastery just yet. Sex increases the risk from one in a million in any one hour to two in a million - and only for a few hours. And double a tiny risk is still a tiny risk.
True, if you've already got a dodgy ticker, the odds multiply up to ten-fold. But that's still a risk small enough for most blokes to safely ignore.
Pregnancy problems: We all know that one hazard of sex is falling pregnant. But can making love make trouble if you're already pregnant? The short answer is no. There doesn't seem to be any danger of sex causing miscarriage, premature labour or any other complication you might be worried about.
The only exception is if the placenta is lying very low, especially if this has caused bleeding during pregnancy - in which case, some doctors advise a bonking ban until after delivery.
Bloke injuries: A common bedroom battle-scar is a "torn frenulum". That's a split of the tight flap of skin connecting the foreskin to the penis. It heals but with a scar, which is likely to tear again. Try a vow of chastity for a few weeks to give it a chance to settle down.
When you're back in the saddle, use a condom or extra lubrication to cut your chances of further trouble. If all else fails, you might need a circumcision.
If that made your eyes water, look away now - a rare, but much nastier todger trauma is...
A fractured penis: This is a crack caused by the rigid tissue snapping during gymnastic sex. Followed, some hours later, by bruising and severe pain. Time to go to casualty with a face almost as red as your willy.
Girl pains: The ladies sometimes find that love hurts. This might be caused by their ovaries being bumped during sex, causing discomfort deep inside.
A change of position should solve the problem. But if it persists, there may be some other cause, such as muscle spasm, pelvic infection or endometriosis.
Headache: Occasionally, a throbbing headache can be the result of sex, rather than an excuse to avoid it.
This is "orgasm headache" - a type of migraine which tends to happen at climax. You may need migraine pills, too.
But if it's the first time it's happened, it's severe and you're vomiting, call an ambulance - you might have popped a blood vessel in your brain.
Now you know whether the sheets you're sliding between should be silk or hospital starched.
Whatever!!
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