Does marriage matter any more?

[super jumbe]

Weddings are the talk of the nation this spring. But our sugar-coated fantasies shouldn't blind us to the fact that it's the vows that really count, argues Peter Stanford



The romantic in me so wanted to believe Ed Miliband when, in announcing his marriage to his partner, Justine Thornton, he said in that slightly clumsy way that even otherwise uber-articulate men do, when talking about such things: "I feel incredibly privileged to be marrying someone so beautiful and who is such a special person." I could feel the "aargh" forming on my lips.
The British public's appetite for someone else's wedding appears undiminished, even if the numbers actually tying the knot have been in step decline to a record low in 2008. With Miliband's announcement, a cash-strapped nation can now look forward to not one but three high-profile big days: Prince William and Kate's on 29 April, Ed and Justine's on 27 May and Zara Phillips and Mike Tindall's on 30 July. But then the Labour leader slightly took the edge off it. "At the end of the day we're in our 40s and we've got two kids, so it wasn't a case of me suddenly popping the question," he added in his exclusive interview with his constituency paper, the Doncaster Free Press.
Suddenly, he was making it sound more like an exercise in tying up a few loose domestic ends. Which, of course, is a very modern view of what was once the sacrament of marriage.

[sergi]

marriage

no, marriage is just not meaningfull as it was, as 4 royal wedding im going on holiday to get away from it.

[mouss800]

Marriage is a public unifying act between a man and a woman.of course it is a good thing. Marrying parties declare that they are no more free for an x &y who is looking to form a couple.
This is the true meaning of marriage, it is only after declaring this marriage the couple do normally enjoy themselves sexually.and the public know that happen in any married couple's life.

However, moving forward from history to present times. Currently the marriage has lost its meaning and its utmost goal. As we can see people do have sex outside marriage. And cheating has become something of a norm......plus STDS become widespread and AIDS and so on.this all due to multiple partners and how easy it has become to have sex with stranger or rather people whom we are not married to.

As for the prince's wedding. I wish them a happy life just like anybody else who is thinking of getting married.
As for people who are unmarried and living together. Am sure they are happy doing that and i even wish them more happiness from me.

[Canker_Canison]

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's married men who use the phrase "It's only a piece of paper".

If that's how they feel why did they get married?

The 'paper' is the legally binding part, to prove to the world that you are married. It's the feelings for your partner that you are proclaiming by getting married.

Marriage is for life, not just until you find someone younger.

[AbsoluteFire]

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's married men who use the phrase "It's only a piece of paper".

If that's how they feel why did they get married?

The 'paper' is the legally binding part, to prove to the world that you are married. It's the feelings for your partner that you are proclaiming by getting married.

Marriage is for life, not just until you find someone younger.

While i agree Marriage is for life, I do also get the it's only a piece of paper. I don't think you need to get married to have your feelings proclaimed. Quite why telling a registrar and two witnesses, how you feel makes a difference to telling your partner I don't know.

For myself I have been together with my partner for 10 years next month. We have a child of 2 years old and are fully committed to each other. Neither of us are really religious so marriage comes down to exactly that going to a registrar and signing a piece of paper.

For us the reason to get married is to make sure that the other is legally protected should the worst happen.

[Lainie]

as said in another thread yes i think it does matter. its morally correct in my opinion. yes i know people can have kids and just live together but in my opinion that just snowballs. no one in my b/fs family are married to each other. all his siblings have kids - some to more than 1 partner and now those kids have kids - to more than 1 partner and not one married.

as i said call me old fashioned on this one but i think mummy and daddy should have the same name. what id like to know is WHY they dont get married.


just as a footnote i had someone claiming benefit and her partner had died. she was with him 30 yrs but as not married she was NOT entitled to bereavement benefit or for the ?2000 payment when a spouse dies. she had never worked so no national insurance conts either.

[melloned]

In my mid 50's now and we had a church wedding , which we both agree was for our parents and not us . We've been good mates for 35yrs , through all lifes ups and downs and that says more than any piece of paper .
My daughter's looking to set up home with her partner of 4yrs and wants the wedding money in her bank account rather than a pricey knees up with a load of folk you've never seen in years and won't see for years after !
A nephew had a mega wedding around 20yrs back and even then , it set their families back over ?25,000 , they split up a month after the honeymoon in the Maldives , turned out she just liked holidays and wedding cake !
We're still waiting to have ours !, happy though

[Snowy79]

I thought the history and reasoning behind Marriage was a binding contract. A certificate of ownership so that all goods transferred to the Man's side of the family.

It has been over the years instilled into us by the Church etc that it is a sign of love etc but like the bible it's been re-written to please the masses.

I believe that we are Human beings and as such evolved to survive. We used to bread like animals in the hope that some of our off spring survived to carry on our family. The Church adopted their slant on it by allowing Multiple Wives and in Modern times the Catholic Church thought up the brilliant idea of banning the use of Condoms. All with the purpose of increasing their share of people following their religion and nothing to do with love and respect.

I'm a firm believer in if you love someone it's how you treat them and nothing to do with Marriage. I've lost count of the break ups in Marriages and affairs I've seen with Married people that Marriage no longer means anything to me. It's the person within that mattters and not a state induced ceremony.

Add to this the fact that people change with time. I've known plenty of people stuck in loveless and violent Marriages as due to their religious beliefs they would rather put up with the abuse than the instilled shame in the Marriage breaking up.

[masur123]

After growing up with parents in a relationship that was doomed to failure, and subsequently going through a very messy divorce and having to make some very hard choices, I would never consider marriage. For me if you are happy with someone you dont need the whole marriage thing to prove to people you love somoene, the act of co-habiting and providing for each other is enough.

[Canker_Canison]

I thought the history and reasoning behind Marriage was a binding contract. A certificate of ownership so that all goods transferred to the Man's side of the family.

It has been over the years instilled into us by the Church etc that it is a sign of love etc but like the bible it's been re-written to please the masses.

I believe that we are Human beings and as such evolved to survive. We used to bread like animals in the hope that some of our off spring survived to carry on our family. The Church adopted their slant on it by allowing Multiple Wives and in Modern times the Catholic Church thought up the brilliant idea of banning the use of Condoms. All with the purpose of increasing their share of people following their religion and nothing to do with love and respect.

I'm a firm believer in if you love someone it's how you treat them and nothing to do with Marriage. I've lost count of the break ups in Marriages and affairs I've seen with Married people that Marriage no longer means anything to me. It's the person within that mattters and not a state induced ceremony.

Add to this the fact that people change with time. I've known plenty of people stuck in loveless and violent Marriages as due to their religious beliefs they would rather put up with the abuse than the instilled shame in the Marriage breaking up.

But surely the whole point of marriage is to show your utter commitment to your partner.

Too many people see marriage as a 'big change', but in reality nothing changes. What you take with you is what you get out, as a couple.
I have a friend that's getting married to a mental case in June. I know for a fact that he thinks she will calm down a bit & be less possessive & paranoid once they are married. As much as she thinks he will become more devoted to her, to the point that he will be a total slave to her psychotic episodes.
In reality, she will get worse...not better. And he will eventually wake up to discover he has no life left to live... other than what she says he can do.

As a group we are so certain that she will snap & kill him. We've got a bet going as to how long it takes before she stabs him.

But he doesn't see any of this... Despite what we tell him.

When people get married expecting things to change, that marriage is doomed to fail. People are getting married for the wrong reasons.

[Tryst]

The high divorce rate shows that marriage is little more than a short term business arrangement now.

I have always said tht a couple who are not married have to get on that little bit better because it's so easy for one or the other to just walk away. Many failed marriages are still together simply because a divorce would be too costly. However, with domestic violence on the increase, it begins to get dangerous for a couple to remain together for that reason alone when tensions hit boiling point.

[Canker_Canison]

The high divorce rate shows that marriage is little more than a short term business arrangement now.

I have always said that a couple who are not married have to get on that little bit better because it's so easy for one or the other to just walk away. Many failed marriages are still together simply because a divorce would be too costly. However, with domestic violence on the increase, it begins to get dangerous for a couple to remain together for that reason alone when tensions hit boiling point.

After living together for 2 years as a couple the same rules apply to the estate as if you were married.

All said and done, if there's no communication & trust, there's no relationship... Married or otherwise.

[masur123]

After living together for 2 years as a couple the same rules apply to the estate as if you were married.

All said and done, if there's no communication & trust, there's no relationship... Married or otherwise.

Exactly right, which in turn adds weight to the argument that marriage doesnt really matter as much anymore.

[Canker_Canison]

But that is based on a purely monetary & possessions outlook.

Marriage is about the family unit, unconditional love & commitment... not wealth.

To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part

[masur123]

But that is based on a purely monetary & possessions outlook.

Marriage is about the family unit, unconditional love & commitment... not wealth.

I disagree, I live with my partner and I am not married. I dont feel that this means I love her any less because I havent said those words.
Love is a verb, a doing word, not a saying word