Advice with my ex please.

[Lyrrad]

I feel embarrassed to post this.

Today I get a call from my ex stating my son has not gone to school today and there has been an incident. he is with me now sporting a bruise on his cheek where she punched him after he told her to shut up.

I know what I need to do, but this is madness. I'll end up not seeing him whilst she will get a slap on the wrist.

[Grizz]

maybe he would be better off come live with you for a while mate

[wongers]

you need a solicitor mate don't let her get away with this she's obviously got problems and you don't want her using your kid as a punch bag if you don't act now she's going to keep you dangling for the forseeable future

[Snowy79]

You've got to get social services involved asap as this could be just the one hit that has caused damage. There's no way of knowing what mental torture your kid has had to endure.

I don't know your circumstances but I'd bet your working to cover your own bills and the thought of a life change if you get custody of your Son must be daunting but a visit by the social services may be all it takes to give your Ex a wake up call.

In law if you are Married you have equal rights to access to your Son so there is no way your Ex can stop you without dropping herself well in it and more so if she has already had a visit by Social Services.

Sadly if you are not Married as my mate has found out he has no paternal rights whatsoever and he is going through some serious shit at the moment. I wish you and your Son all the best.

[super jumbe]

Sorry to jump on the wagon but I can not see what the fuss is all about.

I have read that your son was attending private school in the past and for circumstances reason he can not attend the school now.

Why can not you send your son to free school like most people do when they can not afford private school?

[Lyrrad]

Sorry to jump on the wagon but I can not see what the fuss is all about.

I have read that your son was attending private school in the past and for circumstances reason he can not attend the school now.

Why can not you send your son to free school like most people do when they can not afford private school?

Are you on drugs

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk

[Lyrrad]

You've got to get social services involved asap as this could be just the one hit that has caused damage. There's no way of knowing what mental torture your kid has had to endure.

I don't know your circumstances but I'd bet your working to cover your own bills and the thought of a life change if you get custody of your Son must be daunting but a visit by the social services may be all it takes to give your Ex a wake up call.

In law if you are Married you have equal rights to access to your Son so there is no way your Ex can stop you without dropping herself well in it and more so if she has already had a visit by Social Services.

Sadly if you are not Married as my mate has found out he has no paternal rights whatsoever and he is going through some serious shit at the moment. I wish you and your Son all the best.

I am unmarried father and at the time of my sons birth automatic parental responsibility was not given, however I do have that now.

Yes I'm in the same financial predicament as most but I would live in a shoe box for the sake of my son. I'm self employed so could actually manage.

My son has attended 3 different primary schools as his mother has always been prepared to blame anyone else other than herself for his troubled time at all schools he has attended. Sadly it seems to me that by the time he has entered the school playground he more often than I care to believe has had a major episode with his mother. I have got Social services involved in the past but they pretty much dismissed the hitting then. However today he has been dropped off to me with bruises. I know if I go to the police they will involve social services.

My son is getting used to this abuse and I know without intervention it will not stop. His mother is so messed up that she utters words like her actions are because our sons behaviour is a direct result of my input. She knows hitting him is wrong yet trys to justify it.

I am confused at what is best for my son. If I go to the police I accept I will receive the wrath of this woman and that will be less time with my son. If I do nothing she will continue to hit.

She wants our son to live with me, but is unable to accept that as she sees it as her losing and me winning. I firmly believe if I can find a way that she is able to bow out graciously then all will be ok. This is not just a straightforward report her for child abuse

[Snowy79]

Hopefully someone on here with the experience of dealing with kids from an abusive relationship will step in and give you advice, even by PM. Almost every social study has shown that children from an abusive relationship go on to mirror it in their own relationships when they get older. I'd bite the bullet and get the Police involved for your Son's sake.

[plasterer]

By reading this ,it seems you are running scared of this woman at your childs expense
its not a game to score points were kids well beings are at stake
This needs to be brought to a halt at once
As it will continue to drive your child away from his mum for the Hurtfull things she is doing
And his dad for not interveining
The whole breakup thing is a Minefield of greif for all
But the kids Happiness and saftey must be Paramount .
Most of the advice given you wont like ,but dont burie your head in the sand ,and hope things will work out for the better ,
ACT NOW and be responsible for your childs well being .
Sorry cant give happier advice....................Paul

[eddie4x]

soory aint read all the posts but if you ex has full custody of your son eg she gets his child benifit etc.. she would be the one liable espeshaly if she didnt talk to you about it in the 1st place. you may have signed the contract but it wasnt you who breached it it was her as it was out of your hands when she pulled him from the school
take her to court for custody mate and i wish you all the luck with it im in a very simular situation myself i think cab arnt gona be good enough to help you with this one find a lawyer who accepts legal aid and have a good chat to them google family layers you should find summat or go to the library and do your own reasearch into the laws surrounding it

[chalky 4]

Mediation not confrontation. In your original post you state at the "moment" you are on good terms his mother. You both need to talk this out. She obviously is struggling to cope at the present. Before going nuclear and involving police, social services etc. Try and imagine how you would feel and react in her position (however wrong that is). Remember your son could also be playing you both off against each other! At the end of the day remember you both love him dearly. jaw jaw not war war. and avoid alcohol .

[Lyrrad]

Mediation not confrontation. In your original post you state at the "moment" you are on good terms his mother. You both need to talk this out. She obviously is struggling to cope at the present. Before going nuclear and involving police, social services etc. Try and imagine how you would feel and react in her position (however wrong that is). Remember your son could also be playing you both off against each other! At the end of the day remember you both love him dearly. jaw jaw not war war. and avoid alcohol .

Mediation!!

The last time social services were involved for her hitting him they said she had no case to answer but recommended mediation. At the time she was convinced our son had ADHD and actually claimed I had it too because I stated I could not see the traits of it in him. The peadatrician involved with my son eventually stated he did not have ADHD but recommended mediation between the parents.

So I was assessed ON MY OWN by the mediation service and was given the costs involved based on my income. The same applied to my ex being assessed ON HER OWN.

The mediation services, based on the 2 separate initial meetings stated they could help. I was given costs based on my income and the same was applied to my ex. At that stage my ex stated she would only continue with mediation if I paid for both of us. Her reasoning was that I wanted it and she saw no benefit from it taking place. For the sake of my son I agreed to pay for both of us.

The first meeting went well, although I realised that I found it difficult to be in the same room with this woman. However when the second appointment was arranged my ex pulled out of mediation. This second meeting was to draw up a non legally binding arrangement that COULD be used as a basis to get a court approved arrangement/order.

I have tried, accept the fact I'm far from perfect. I have just led a life for the last 8 years where the norm is for me to accept responsibility for my faults as well as my ex's faults.

[Lyrrad]

By reading this ,it seems you are running scared of this woman at your childs expense
its not a game to score points were kids well beings are at stake
This needs to be brought to a halt at once
As it will continue to drive your child away from his mum for the Hurtfull things she is doing
And his dad for not interveining
The whole breakup thing is a Minefield of greif for all
But the kids Happiness and saftey must be Paramount .
Most of the advice given you wont like ,but dont burie your head in the sand ,and hope things will work out for the better ,
ACT NOW and be responsible for your childs well being .
Sorry cant give happier advice....................Paul

I'm not running scared of this woman, I'm running scared of the situation of being an unmarried father. It's a very difficult place to be when things turn out wrong. The assumption is the woman is right and the man is wrong. Do you know I have to jump through hoops and threaten legal action just for his GP to allow me details of his medical record. Those records are my sons, not the surgery's and yet I had to report the surgery to the relevant body just to get them. Even then they notified my ex they were releasing them. I was asking for them because my ex at the time was trying to get my son labelled with ADHD in my opinion to use it as defense against the school that were taking her to court as mentioned in the beginning of this thread. She would not divulge to me the name of my sons GP. Why did I want the records? So that the next time my son was going to visit a pediatrician I could exercise my right and my responsibility of being present. It's really not a fair system. I am a troublemaker in the eyes of the establishment.



The more I participate in this thread the more I realise that the time has come for my son to live with me.

[Lyrrad]

As you can see I'm having a sleepless night!!

I have spoken with my son's mother this weekend. I have asked for a email/letter stating she consents to my son being with me for an undefined period of time. I require this so I am able to get him into a school in my borough. She has verbally agreed to supply it but I don't have yet.

My son has a mark on his cheeckbone. If I go to the Police I believe they will produce a record that will enable me to visit a court on Monday morning and ask for an emergency residence order. That too will enable me to arrange my son to attend school in my area provided the court agree.

I'm not looking to win or lose a battle against my ex. If she will supply the letter I think I will not contact the police, however I am not prepared to return him today. Beyond 5.30 this evening, as things stand, my ex can phone the police and have him removed from my home (in fact she can do that whenever she pleases as the is no order just an verbal agreement on visitation). Somehow I don't think she will take that action.

What I am not prepared to do, is have my son for the next 3 days and then return him to his mum. Initially this was her suggestion, and although I am very much used to having my son for a major time during the school holidays because it suits his mum, on this occasion I think she either supplies the consent letter or I contact the police unless she comes up with another acceptable plan of action.

[chalky 4]

Google` Families Need Fathers` ?50 for year. Will be the best money you ever spend. Welcome to the hell of social services, police, caffcass, family courts, female solicitors / barristers etc. I would `Clarkson ` the lot of them. Try and keep calm when all the relatives get involved. The very best of luck to you. And avoid the alcohol.