dick heads thread-whats the daft things u have done

[westkill]

when i was about 18 there was 2 car loads of m8s and me in a pickup truck ,we decided to got to windsor safari park zoo
when we got there the lads in the cars had about six in each motor were some didnt have any money two lads in each car got in the boot so they didnt have to pay to get in we manage that part
when we got in we went through the loins enclouser then we got to the monkeys encloser were they roam free and they all got on the back of my pickup truck and ran of with my work jackets and gloves and pinched my tools,then more monkeys got on the back of the truck there was about 25 0f them on the back me and my m8 in the truck were pissing are selfs laughing ,i was laughing that much i couldnt drive for laughing,we looked behind there was that much traffic behind us it was queuing right back to the entrance people beeping there horns getting realy pissed off, and a zoo keeper had to come in there and beat the monkies of with a stick to get them of my truck

after that we got to the dolphins section parked up walked to the dolphin pool we all picked my m8 up and throw him in with the dolphins and it came for him and he was trying to climb out the pool, by then me and lads were on the floor cracking up wih laughter
the zoo keeper came over giving us a bollocking and told us to leave the zoo
as he was escorting us out in one of those zebra jeeps we did another lap round the park with two jeeps chasing us by this time then we had to do a quick exit before they rang the police

[RedSpider]

stupidest thing that i nearly done was recount a story to my missus about a kid i killed. this kid was her brother and she is, quite rightly, cut up about it. she doesn't know it was me and i nearly made a fool of myself.

[maca]

one of my mates told me years ago about the time he had bruises all over his legs and got refferd to hospital by his doctor. while sitting on the hospital bed with his pants off , the doctor treating him says he wants to get a second opinion as the doctor leaves the nurse asks dose your wife use false tan he says why, only turns out it was his wifes false tan all over his legs. he still gets stick to this day about it

[RedSpider]

btw. that wasnt actually true

[wilf]

waterboard would be last of your problems if the bloke had died

Eek, i never even thought about that! good job it was only honda c50 and not a 1000 cc, i woukld just be coming outta clink now if it was murder

[maca]

honest to god mate me n the missus still laugh about it now, and no it wasnt me ha ha

[gmb45]

when i was about 18 there was 2 car loads of m8s and me in a pickup truck ,we decided to got to windsor safari park zoo
when we got there the lads in the cars had about six in each motor were some didnt have any money two lads in each car got in the boot so they didnt have to pay to get in we manage that part
when we got in we went through the loins enclouser then we got to the monkeys encloser were they roam free and they all got on the back of my pickup truck and ran of with my work jackets and gloves and pinched my tools,then more monkeys got on the back of the truck there was about 25 0f them on the back me and my m8 in the truck were pissing are selfs laughing ,i was laughing that much i couldnt drive for laughing,we looked behind there was that much traffic behind us it was queuing right back to the entrance people beeping there horns getting realy pissed off, and a zoo keeper had to come in there and beat the monkies of with a stick to get them of my truck

after that we got to the dolphins section parked up walked to the dolphin pool we all picked my m8 up and throw him in with the dolphins and it came for him and he was trying to climb out the pool, by then me and lads were on the floor cracking up wih laughter
the zoo keeper came over giving us a bollocking and told us to leave the zoo
as he was escorting us out in one of those zebra jeeps we did another lap round the park with two jeeps chasing us by this time then we had to do a quick exit before they rang the police

bet that was a great laugh m8 something u will never forget eh m8

[westkill]

bet that was a great laugh m8 something u will never forget eh m8

your right there gmb
wish i was young again

[krazylegz]

me and my m8 a couple of years ago finished work on a saturday lunch time,l then went on the piss all afternoon till about six went back to his house to have a bath and go back out to the pub,so after having a bath i asked him to borrow some clothes to wear out he said i will lend you some jeans and a t-shirt but ent borrowing my boxer shorts he said .
then his misses said jokingly i got a bask you could borrow laughed and said that will do so i put it on him well stretched it on and my m8 and his misses were pissing them selfs laughin so iput the jeans and t-shirt on over the top
so were i was still pissed went to the pub with it on, luckly when we got back to the pub my m8 forgot about it if he had remember they would have stripped me in the pub,then i forgot about it pulled this bird went back to her house dropped me trousers, and you know what and she said wtf you got on and i thought oh shit with me tackle hanging out of one side
and she got turned on by it when iwoke up the next morning next to her thats all i had on was the bask i grabed the rest of my clothes and i sneeked out before she woke up

pmsl total classic

[chroma]

ive got you all beaten... unfortunately.

Ive managed to STAB MYSELF WITH A MARS BAR.
Yup, with a mars bar.

Went climbing in Glencoe with some of the guys, the setup is pretty standard, pack everything into your rucksack and walk to the pitch, dump everything at the bottom in the snow and tool up with your ropes, harnesses, axes and crampons taking only what protection you need to jam into the face.
Nice and light.

Spend the day going up and down trying different routes, have a blast and then come back down for some lunch.

Everyone got to firing their stoves and brewing up and eating whatever they had packed, in my case id brought some mars bars which happened to freeze solid.

Being the genius that i am i instantly figured several small bits would thaw faster than a couple of big bits so i tried snapping the bastards in half.

The rest of the guys looked over after they heard the SNAP to see me looking down completely whitefaced in abject horror at half a shard of marsbar protruding from my palm.
Just where your palm meets your wrist.

We had the most bizarre conversation ive ever had regarding just what the hell to do, i mean if i pull it out then i could bleed out, but if i leave it in the it would all melt and id wind up with a nasty chocolate and toffee infected wound.
Not a common consideration when thinking about mountainside injuries to be fair, everyone was stumped.

i figured the best plan would be to fill a glove with snow and jam my hand into the bugger and walk out of the gorge back to the cars, then make for the hospital, applying snow as and when the other stuff melted.

The look on the nurses face was priceless, she thought we where all taking the piss, till i removed the glove and she saw half melted chocolate and a ragged hole.
Some pliery looking things, some stitches and some antibiotics later and everything was good.

So yeah, thats probably the most stupid thing ive ever done, but to be fair it could happen to anyone. it also makes chicks laugh when scar stories come up

[lfc4life]

I done the stupid thing of falling ova with a gobstopper in my mouth, when i was younger ! It smashed in my mouth and a pool of blood in my mouth. It was lucky i didn't brake any teeth!

Recent stupid thing i done stuck my hand in oven and forgetting the ~~~~ing oven glove to put on 1st

[.: JaCkPoT :.]

The funniest thing Ive ever done is very recent, when i was in london i walked into a satellite shop and the guy behind the counter gave me a weird look..i was with my cousins who are similar age..
I went up to the guy and asked him whats diseqc 1.3 because it says that on the packaging of a darkmotor on display..i knew the answer but was testing the guy, he said to me there is no diseqc 1.3 only 1.2 so i asked him whats usals he said its like diseqc..i said no! Usals is diseqc, usals is diseqc 1.3 init..he said no i said yes..
So i asked him if he sold dreamboxes he said no then i said well **** it then and walked out leaving the guy all embarrassed, then we walked over the road into a electronics shop and the guy asks what you doin in here lads, i said im after a a/b switch, he said whats that? I said its like a splitter for satellite signals but instead of splitting signals it dictates which one receiver it goes to by a switch..then the guy looks at me and goes all silent..then suddenly he says why do you need it so i replied because we have to receivers connected to the same tv but we only ever watch one at a time.. then i said ok cya leaving him embarrassed too! its true and it was all improvised on the day..! Great laugh!

[gmb45]

ive got you all beaten... unfortunately.

Ive managed to STAB MYSELF WITH A MARS BAR.
Yup, with a mars bar.

Went climbing in Glencoe with some of the guys, the setup is pretty standard, pack everything into your rucksack and walk to the pitch, dump everything at the bottom in the snow and tool up with your ropes, harnesses, axes and crampons taking only what protection you need to jam into the face.
Nice and light.

Spend the day going up and down trying different routes, have a blast and then come back down for some lunch.

Everyone got to firing their stoves and brewing up and eating whatever they had packed, in my case id brought some mars bars which happened to freeze solid.

Being the genius that i am i instantly figured several small bits would thaw faster than a couple of big bits so i tried snapping the bastards in half.

The rest of the guys looked over after they heard the SNAP to see me looking down completely whitefaced in abject horror at half a shard of marsbar protruding from my palm.
Just where your palm meets your wrist.

We had the most bizarre conversation ive ever had regarding just what the hell to do, i mean if i pull it out then i could bleed out, but if i leave it in the it would all melt and id wind up with a nasty chocolate and toffee infected wound.
Not a common consideration when thinking about mountainside injuries to be fair, everyone was stumped.

i figured the best plan would be to fill a glove with snow and jam my hand into the bugger and walk out of the gorge back to the cars, then make for the hospital, applying snow as and when the other stuff melted.

The look on the nurses face was priceless, she thought we where all taking the piss, till i removed the glove and she saw half melted chocolate and a ragged hole.
Some pliery looking things, some stitches and some antibiotics later and everything was good.

So yeah, thats probably the most stupid thing ive ever done, but to be fair it could happen to anyone. it also makes chicks laugh when scar stories come up

weird 1 m8

[gmb45]

keep em coming-brilliant

[xant14]

moped

I sold a moped, Yammy Fizzy, to this lad.
while I had it, the kick start was shagged, the splines were worn out, I used to bump it off, and it was a dodgy starter at the best of times.
Anyway, just before I sold it i mangled a kickstart on, and tightened it as best I could, knowing full well it wouldnt last long. Sold the bike, jobs a good un.
About 2 weeks later, I sees this lad, Rodger with his arm in a sling and he says 'Your a ****ing conman'
'what you on about' I said
'That bike you sold me, kickstart fell off, so i had to bump it off...
it wasnt starting, then all of a sudden did... '
'Dragged me down the road and i fell and got my arm ran over by a car'
ooops... sorry Rodger!!